


An Obsession with Sweet Peas

by BrandNewWings



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Angst, Blood and Violence, Cannibalism, Characters are sort of ooc, Drug Use, Hide finds himself in the middle of everything, M/M, New ghoul group, OC, There will be fluff, Where Kaneki went back to Anteiku after Yamori, au-ish, poor Hide, protective Kaneki, slight sexual content, touka is a bro, yandere ghoul is after Hide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-04
Updated: 2019-01-24
Packaged: 2019-05-02 06:30:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 13
Words: 49,027
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14538699
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BrandNewWings/pseuds/BrandNewWings
Summary: Kaneki has decided to open himself up to Hide. Next chance he gets, he's going to tell Hide the truth about what he has become. At the same time, a ghoul has set his sights on Hide and is willing to do anything to make him his. Even if it means breaking Hide's mind to do it.





	1. Nothing Good Comes from Helping a Goblin

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! I'm just here to give a warning. 
> 
> There will be drug usage in this fic. If that's not your cup of tea, then this fic may not be right for you.

_There once was a goblin who was travelling to the village of Stars. The trip takes a week if gone by foot from his home village. By his fifth day, the goblin collapses on the side of the road. He hadn’t eaten for three days. All of his food and money were stolen by thieves and was left with very little. Many people passed by him without any acknowledgement. He was a goblin after all. Nothing good comes from helping a goblin. Days passed, and the goblin had given up hope in reaching the village of Stars. That is until a strange human passed him. The goblin, expecting the human to continue walking, said nothing, but the human’s footsteps came to a halt. When the goblin looked at the man, he wasn’t expecting to see such a sympathetic yet determined look. It wasn’t until the human reached a hand out to the goblin that the creature let himself hope again. From then on, the goblin became obsessed with the human. He followed him everywhere. He always watched him. He even ate those who showed interest in the man. The goblin became so obsessed, in fact, that he ended up killing the human in a fit of greed – only the goblin can become friends with the human. No one in the village was surprised by this, however, because nothing good comes from helping a goblin._

~

“In other news, a man named, Teiko Hatsimura, was found at the scene of a grizzly murder. It is believed that he killed and consumed the victim around eleven o’clock last night. This is one of many related murders in Tokyo. Investigators are still unable to figure out the cause of these crimes. They suggest that people don’t stay out longer than they need to and to always travel with someone you trust. Here at Tokyo News, we will keep you updated on any changes to this investigation. This has been your nightly news.” The news reporter on the television monitor echoes off the walls at Anteiku. The commercials begin to play, advertising products such as medicine and makeup.

Kaneki is listening while he dries his hundredth coffee cup. A frown is on his face while his brain is processing the information provided by the news outlet. These murders are getting out of hand. If these were ghouls, then he’d have been able to track them down and put an end to it. There’s nothing more irritating than a group of ill behaved ghouls drawing attention to this ward. But no, these murders are being performed by humans, and by the looks of it, it’s at random. There’s no connection to them. Last week, it was a woman who had a good life. A doting husband, kids who excel in their studies, and she certainly wasn’t drowning in debt. None of her friends and family could produce a reason why she would murder and eat another human being. It was out of character for her. A few days before, it was a teenage boy whom was about to go through his last year of high school. The time before that, an elderly woman. The killers are inconsistent. None of them relate to each other in any way. There is one thing that is the same though. The killers take their lives not long after the murder. This Teiko person probably won’t be any different in that regard.

Kaneki sets the cup down on the counter. There might be more to this than the CCG is letting on. They’re the ones taking on this case after all. It makes sense though. The autopsies might be showing the answers that Kaneki has been wanting. He wants – no – he _needs_ to know what’s going on. If not for his own anxieties, then for Hide. The ghoul glances at the blond boy sitting by the window. His elbow is propped up on the table with his chin resting on his palm. Hide’s eyes are looking at the night life of the city, yet he’s not really watching anything. His gaze is far away, lost in his own thoughts no doubt. There’s a light humming from his headphones which are draped around his neck. Hide’s coffee has hardly been touched and is by now cold. Kaneki narrows his eyes.

“Perhaps the news report spooked him? I wouldn’t blame him.” Kaneki mutters under his breath.

“Hey, idiot, if you have time to watch the news and talk to yourself, then you have time to finish your job.” Touka snaps when she comes back to the counter from washing down the tables.

“Right. Sorry, Touka.” Kaneki gives a small smile.

“You’re hopeless.” Touka sighs and grabs the remote. She flips off the television and looks at Hide. “Blondie, we’re closing up soon, so finish your drink and get out.”

Touka has long since dropped the patient and kind waitress shtick with Hide. The blond usually finds ways to annoy the violet-haired woman for sport. When he’s not trying to strike up a conversation with Kaneki or working on his college classes, he’s busy pestering Touka. Kaneki can’t help but find Hide’s antics amusing.

Hide flinches at Touka’s voice and looks over at her with slightly panicked eyes. The emotion is there for a split second before it’s erased away and replaced with a wide smile. It never reaches his eyes though.

“Geez, the customer service here is lacking.” Hide stretches, folding his hands behind his head. “I’m giving it a one-star rating on Yelp.”

The two ghouls roll their eyes and wait for Hide to finish his coffee. It isn’t until Hide places his empty cup down on the counter, that Kaneki notices the bags under Hide’s eyes and his pale complexion.

“Hide, are you doing okay? You look exhausted.” Kaneki worries. He places a hand on the human’s forehead, checking for a temperature. Kaneki’s eyes widen in surprise when Hide smacks the hand away.

“Quit worrying. I’m fine! Just these college finals, you know?” Hide laughs awkwardly.

“Are you sure that’s all it is?” Kaneki furrows his brows. A voice inside his head is screaming that there’s something wrong with Hide. He’s never gotten this bad during finals before. “If you need me to help then-“

“Oh now you care?” Hide says sharply. Both of their eyes widen at Hide’s words. “Shit, I’m sorry, Kaneki. I didn’t mean that. I shouldn’t have lashed out at you. I’m just stressed, you know?”

“Hide…“ Was there truth behind those words? Is that how Hide’s been feeling lately? Like Kaneki doesn’t care about him? If so, that couldn’t be further from the truth.

‘ **Is it, though? All you’ve ever done is push him away. Poor, Hide. Who can he turn to when he needs help? Certainly not _you_. How selfish of you, Kaneki.** ’ A voice coos in Kaneki’s ear. The ghoul nearly turns around to see who it is before realizing no one’s there.

“Seriously, man, I’m fine.” Hide puts on another smile that doesn’t reach his eyes. Another big, red flag. “I should hurry up and get out of here before Touka feeds me to the wolves. Haha.”

“Yeah…” Hide gives his two-finger salute and exits the coffee shop. Kaneki feels dread. Hide never losses his cool. That’s just a fact. He didn’t even scream when he broke his leg after falling off a swing. The blond has always kept his emotions and feelings in check, especially when it came to Kaneki.

“He’ll come to you when he’s ready.” Touka tries to reassure. She’s putting the chairs upside down on the tables. Kaneki grabs a broom and begins sweeping behind the counter.

“But maybe he’s right. I haven’t been there for him since I’ve become a ghoul.”

“Partly my fault. I did threaten his safety and life if he found out the truth.” Touka shrugs. “You can’t fully be blamed for pushing him away to a distance.”

“But what right do I have to pry him for answers when I, myself, am not willing to open up? I can feel it. That drift between us getting wider and wider. It’s what I wanted in the beginning. The further away from me, the better – the _safer_. Now that there’s distance, I’m not so sure anymore.” Kaneki confesses. His grip on the broom tightens.

“He still comes by, doesn’t he?” Touka points out. Kaneki’s head shoots up to look at her. Some white strands cover his eyes. She honestly doesn’t like seeing Kaneki this way. “You still have him in your life.”

“I guess, but-“

“Just talk to him. During your break tomorrow, sit and chat with him. It won’t hurt.”

“What if I slip up? What if he finds out I’m a ghoul? I can’t handle that rejection,” Kaneki squeezes his eyes shut and grips his shirt as if he was trying to hold onto his heart. “And you…”

“If he really means that much to you then…I guess I can’t force your silence. There are times where I wish I could tell Yoriko the truth, but I can never bring myself to do it. I can feel that strain sometimes. I’m sure she’s aware of the wall I’ve put up.” Touka’s expression looks a little lonely before it changes back to calm. “Plus, Kimi knows, and we all see how that’s been going.” Touka puts her hands on her hips.

“So you’re saying that…” Kaneki looks lost in a daze.

“Just make sure you know what you’re doing.” Touka sighs. “Don’t make me regret this, understand?”

“Understood.” Kaneki nods and smiles. It’s like a weight has been taken off of him.

“As for the other concern, you won’t know how he feels until it’s been officially addressed and discussed. Sometimes you won’t get the answers until you ask the questions. And if it helps any, I doubt he’ll reject you. He doesn’t seem like that kind of guy.”

“Touka…”

“Shut up! You know I can’t stand sappy moments like this. Hurry up with your tasks, so you can leave for the night!” Touka hides her blush then smirks. “Or maybe I got it confused. Were you instead worried about him rejecting your _other_ confession, lover boy?”

“Shut up!” Now it was Kaneki’s turn to blush.

**~**

“Geez, that was such a dead giveaway!” Hide groans. He keeps thinking of his interaction with Kaneki and Touka over and over – mentally kicking himself each time. “Kaneki isn’t that oblivious to people. I shouldn’t have gone to Anteiku today. Not until I’ve completely calmed downed.”

Hide is currently walking back home. The streets aren’t that busy tonight, and whoever is out is rushing to get back home. These attacks have been putting everyone on edge. No one knows who’s going to be next as a victim and as a murderer. There’s no pattern or sequence to go off of. Investigators aren’t releasing a lot of information about their findings. People are scared, and when they’re scared, chaos reigns. It’s not looking good right now. And besides that, it’s too late for Hide. He isn’t innocent in this conflict. He knows exactly what’s going on. He knows it firsthand.

The blond rubs his eyes from frustration. His hands freeze when he hears footsteps behind him. Hide slowly turns around and stares at the person. His face pales more than it already was. This man had two black eyes with red irises. A deceiving small smile on his lips. Black hair frames the ghoul’s face. His build isn’t something to laugh at.

“Kyoki…”

“Hide _._ ” The ghoul smiles. He goes to hug Hide, but the human dodges him.

“Why are you here?” Hide asks. He’s seen this ghoul before. One too many times, in fact.

“You know why.” Kyoki gives a gentle smile. “It’s dinner time.”

“You don’t have to do this, Kyoki. You were a good man before.” Hide reaches for his phone. He tries turning it on, but the screen isn’t lighting up. It’s dead from playing his music. Of course.

“But, Hide, you seem to love it. You get so into it.” The man takes a step. He reaches behind him to get something from his back pocket.

“I never wanted it to begin with! Why are you doing this, Kyoki?” Hide asks, slowly backing away. The more space between them, the better, but Kyoki simply fills in the space with his own wide strides. No one is around to witness this interaction.

“You really don’t know?” Kyoki furrows his brows. “I’m doing this _for_ you, Hide. Isn’t it natural for me to share my world with the one I love? I’ve read about this in many books, so I know I’m doing this right.”

“You don’t love me, Kyoki. You’re confusing admiration with love.” Hide tries to reason.

“Isn’t that a little rude? Here I am, confessing my feelings for you, and you have the audacity to say that I’m confused?” Kyoki looks genuinely hurt by Hide’s words. “I know how I feel, Hide. Ever since you helped me that day, I haven’t stopped thinking about you.”

“Just because I showed you kindness once, does not mean I’m in love with you – does not mean you’re in love with me!”

“Now, Hide, it sounds like _you’re_ the one who’s confused.” Kyoki chuckles. He isn’t giving Hide’s words any thought. “Or are you just playing hard to get?”

The ghoul holds up a syringe and a vial. He sticks the needle through the lid of the container to gather up the liquid inside. There’s a light fragrance of sweet peas in the air. Hide’s nerves are fried beyond repair. Ever since he’s met this man, he won’t leave Hide alone. Kyoki’s obsessed with Hide. Claims to love him. That’s why Kyoki’s doing what he’s doing.

“Now behave, Hide, and this’ll go a lot easier for both of us.” Kyoki discards the vial and looks at Hide.

“No… No!” Hide turns to book it but slams into a warm body. Arms wrap around his waist.

“As much as I love playing cat and mouse, I don’t have the time tonight.” Kyoki whispers in Hide’s ear. A sharp pain shoots from Hide’s neck. Whatever struggle Hide has left is fading at a rapid rate. His heart is racing at a dangerous pace. It hurts. His whole body is burning up. Hide wants to scream, but he can’t. His body feels like sand. Kyoki is stroking the blond’s hair and rocking Hide as if he was a child. “See? That wasn’t so bad, was it?”

“Ka…neki…” Hide whispers as if that name would summon his friend.

“Aw. We’ve been through this, Hide. He’s not coming for you. And even if he does, do you honestly believe that he’d accept you after what you’ve done? You murdered and ate all those poor people. He already perceives himself as a monster. How would you be any different in his eyes?” Kyoki says, kissing the top of Hide’s head.

Tears well up in Hide’s eyes. What _would_ Kaneki say? That’s why he hasn’t told him anything. His friend has enough on his plate. He doesn’t need Hide’s problems added on. And _would_ Kaneki view him as a monster? Would he hate Hide for what he’s done? He didn’t mean to kill and eat them! It wasn’t his fault! He… He…

Hide can feel his mind going fuzzy. His thoughts can’t stay focused for more than a second. His body is becoming light, and the concept of time feels irrelevant. In seconds, nothing really matters to him. He’s in bliss. Hide’s vision is white as he loses all awareness over what’s happening in reality.

The human slumps against Kyoki. Not long after, the blond becomes more animated, making needy noises. Not from sexual frustration, but out of hunger. The injection wound has already healed up from the drug’s effects. Drool is falling from the corners of Hide’s lips.  

“I know, Hide. You’re getting hungry.” Kyoki murmurs, burying his nose in Hide’s neck. He loves Hide’s scent. It’s so soothing. “It’s sad that the only way you’ll let me hold you like this is when you’re drugged with my own creation. You’re so cruel, Hide. I would never hurt you. Not like that bastard you seem to hold dearly. He doesn’t deserve you, Hide. Why can’t you see that _I’m_ willing to stay with you? To fight for you? To cherish you? To love only you? I’ll never give you to anyone! I’ll keep giving you this drug until you can’t stand the thought of being without it. I want you to look for me. I want you to think only of me. If I have to break your mind to do it, then I will.”

The ghoul is surprised when he feels a prick on his shoulder. Kyoki smirks and pulls away to look at Hide. “Are you trying to eat me, Hide? How bold.” Kyoki holds Hide’s chin up. “But that simply won’t do.”

Hide snaps his teeth at Kyoki, trying to get a bite. Tears are falling down Hide’s cheeks.

“Hide, you’re so beautiful like this.  You’re so,” Kyoki brushes a strand of blond hair behind Hide’s ear. “exotic.”

There are footsteps approaching them. Kyoki knows that people hate being watched when they eat, so he reluctantly pries himself away from the blond. He kisses Hide’s forehead and leaves the area to attend to some other important business. All he hears behind him is the shriek of a woman that’s quickly silenced.


	2. The Definition of Monsters

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your support!

The taste of blood and organs can never leave your taste buds no matter how many times you brush and gargle. Hide has been at it for two hours now. His gums are bleeding from how vigorously he’s brushing. The mouthwash stings in return. Each time he spits into the sink, more red splashes against the white porcelain. Is it all his or _theirs_? He’ll never know.

When Hide looks up at himself, he sees the dark circles under his eyes. He sees how pale he’s become. The roots of his hair are becoming more prominent from the lack of bleaching it. Hide would believe anyone if they told him that he’s slept for a week due to how his body feels like sand and sluggish. The blond’s head is pounding and there’s slight paranoia within his mind. These are the effects of withdrawal. Maybe not as strong as they could be, but the symptoms are there. They’ve been getting harder to ignore and deal with. His loss of control over his emotions from yesterday is proof enough. The more Hide is injected with this drug, the worse it’ll be to keep a level head. He may even start to crave it. Hide touches his reflection. He’s tried getting away from Kyoki, but the ghoul always finds him somehow. He’s tried shoving human food into Kyoki’s mouth, and it hardly fazed him at all. He hated it, but it wasn’t enough to distract the ghoul from his prize. Hide’s thought about reporting the ghoul, but Kyoki might spill the beans about Kaneki and the rest of Anteiku. Hide doesn’t know what else to do, but if this continues, who knows how many more lives will be snuffed out by his hand?

It was small family this time. The worst to wake up to by far. A woman and her young daughter were lying dead and dismembered around Hide. Imagine waking up to feeling chewed up organs sliding down your throat. Imagine seeing their bodies laid out like a display. The girl’s arm is stretched out for her mother, while the mother looks too panicked to look at her daughter. The smell alone is enough to make the strongest person wretch everything in their stomach, but the sight is enough to drive someone insane.

 ‘ _Monster. You’re a monster.’_ A voice that sounds like Kaneki’s whispers.

_‘You’re like me. You’re just like me! We’re the same! We’re the same!’_ Kyoki’s voice laughs maniacally.

“Shut up!” Hide shouts and punches the mirror. Shards go everywhere but somehow don’t cut Hide’s fist. That’s good. Hide doesn’t need another reason for Kaneki to be worried.

An alarm goes off from Hide’s phone, breaking the blond from his dark thoughts. Hide slowly makes his way to the bedside table where his phone is charging. An alarm for work. That’s right. Hide still has a life to live. He still has responsibilities. He’ll worry about his problems later.

With that, Hide turns off the alarm and prepares for the day.

~

“It’s a drug.” Tsukiyama announces as he plops down on the couch in the backroom of Anteiku.

“A drug?” Kaneki asks, handing his friend a cup of coffee. “You expect me to believe that a drug can cause this much damage and chaos in a matter of a month?”

“Years ago, in America, there was this new version of bath salts called flakka. It was labeled as the zombie drug because of how people acted and moved while on it. In one case, a man was found eating the face off another man in the middle of the day. The drug grew in popularity and with that, panic. You’d be surprised how fast a drug can work through a community, Kaneki. If it has results, it’ll have backers.” Tsukiyama explains. He takes a sip of his drink before continuing on. “This drug is some nasty stuff. It can’t be traced. Not unless you know what you’re looking for. It’s injected like heroine, but there are no injection wounds. The drug gives the user incredible amounts of pleasure but at the cost of insatiable hunger. A hunger usually centered around human meat. That alone should prove that this drug isn’t being manufactured by humans.”

“Where’d you learn this from?” Kaneki asks. By now, he’s taken his seat on the couch across from Tsukiyama with his own coffee. “Is it reliable?”

“Of course, it is. My connections make sure to only bring me valid information. They know there are heavy consequences to those who disappoint me.” The smile on Shuu’s face would’ve made a shiver roll down Kaneki’s spine a long time ago. Now, it does nothing for him.

“Well is there a name for this drug? What is its origin?”

“As far as origins go, the word on the street is that the drug derived from a new ghoul group whom call themselves, Genesis.” Tsukiyama answers.

“Genesis?”

“As in an evolution.” Tsukiyama clarifies.

“I see…” Kaneki hums. He stares at his reflection in the black liquid of his cup. “What’s their reasoning behind making and distributing this drug?”

“I’m afraid I don’t know the answer to that.”

“Tsk.” Kaneki clicks his tongue in irritation. “Regardless, any ghoul or ghouls who threaten the peace here have to go. Willingly or by force, it doesn’t matter.” Kaneki crosses his arms across his chest. “And what’s the name of this drug?”

“Sweet Pea.”

“Sweet Pea?” Kaneki sounds perplexed. For such a horrific drug, it has such a childish name. As if reading Kaneki’s thoughts, Tsukiyama clarifies.

“Did you know, Kaneki, that sweet peas mean blissful pleasure? Just like the high you feel while taking the drug. But then,” Tsukiyama’s expression darkens, “sweet peas are also used to mean something else. They are the symbol for goodbye. Now, what do you suppose _that_ means, hm?”

There’s a heavy silence in the air.

A drug by the name of sweet pea is spreading like a plague through the human community. It gives them incredible highs but also makes them hungry for human flesh. It was created by a new ghoul group who call themselves, Genesis. It’s unknown why it was made in the first place and what their goal is.

Kaneki thinks this over while cracking his knuckles. He’ll need more information before making his first offensive move. Kaneki needs to know who all are a part of this gang. Their skills and strengths. Where their base or bases are located. The leader. A lot of things need to be brought into light. Until then, Kaneki can only set patrols to be on the lookout for suspicious characters and substances. If Kaneki could get his hands on the drug, he could have Kimi analyze it. The ghoul’s knuckle cracking gets louder.

“Thank you for the information, Tsukiyama.” Kaneki thanks with a tired sigh. He rubs his face as if to wipe off his exhaustion.

“It’s my pleasure! I’ll be sure to report anything new I find.” Shuu places an arm over his chest and bows.

“Relay the information to the others. I want everyone informed about this new group and the drug. You all need to keep an ear out for anything that could prove to be useful.”

“Understood.” Tsukiyama stands up with Kaneki following his lead. The two head to the front where a fuming Touka was waiting.

“Geez, could you’ve taken any longer? I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but you’re still on the clock!” Touka barks. Tsukiyama doesn’t give Touka the time of day and leaves Anteiku.

“Sorry, Touka!” The ghoul apologizes. All Kaneki is able to do nowadays is apologize to Touka.

“Nevermind that. Your boyfriend is sleeping at one of the tables and is keeping us from taking on more customers. Go wake him up.” Touka points at a blond man hunched over a table fast asleep.

“He’s not my boyfriend.” Kaneki sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“Yeah, _yet_.” Touka mutters under her breath. Kaneki glares, silencing the ghoul.

The white-haired ghoul walks to the table in the corner of the café where Hide has his head down and snoozing away. Despite the stress Kaneki is facing from the drug situation, seeing the blond like this eases his troubles, and Kaneki relaxes. He smiles affectionately at the human. Hide looks so peaceful while he’s sleeping. Not only that, he looks a lot better than he did yesterday. Kaneki feels bad that he’s about to wake him.  The ghoul reaches a hand out towards the blond. His fingertips brush against Hide’s skin, causing the blond to make a noise and bury his face into his arms. Kaneki’s heart flutters. He wants to marry this man!

The ghoul slowly leans down to look closer at Hide. He still has those freckles on the bridge of his nose and on his upper cheeks, long eyelashes that really outline his eyes, and perfect lips that look incredibly smooth to touch. Kaneki leans more and more towards Hide. He wants to kiss him. Claim those lips as his and all would be okay. It would only take a second. Hide wouldn’t even know what he did, right? The ghoul is only a centimeter away before he stops. He managed to get ahold of himself. No. He would never take advantage of his friend like this. Hide may not feel the same way. The blond deserves respect, and Kaneki will give it too him. Kaneki settles on resting his forehead against Hide’s. He closes his eyes as tons of questions invade his thoughts.

Will he tell Hide about his ghoul side? Will he still have Hide as a friend? Would anything change between them? Would Kaneki have a chance at being something more with Hide? What kind of questions will Hide ask? How much weight would be taken off Kaneki’s shoulders? Would Kaneki not feel lonely anymore? Will Hide call him a monster?

“I wonder what you’ll say, Hide.” Kaneki whispers. The only answer Kaneki receives is a soft snore.

Kaneki stays like that for a few minutes before pulling away. The ghoul straightens out his white bangs. When his fingers scrape across his forehead, Kaneki looks at his hand. There’s a smudge of dark paste on his pale fingers that wasn’t there before. It had a greasy consistency to it.

“Is this…foundation?” Kaneki looks away from his hand to the sleeping blond. There’s a smudge on Hide’s forehead that also wasn’t there before. With that, there’s a slight cakiness to Hide’s face. His friend is wearing makeup to hide his current weaknesses. Kaneki sighs. “Hide, I thought you were feeling better. Why are you even here if you need to sleep?”

Kaneki decides to leave Hide alone despite the glares Touka gives him. Hide probably needs to rest, so Kaneki will be damned if he’s going to keep Hide from what he needs.

“I thought I told you to wake him-“ Touka is cut off by the bell, on the café’s door, ringing. Yoriko walks into the café with a huge smile on her face. “Yoriko, what are you doing here?”

“I’m here because _someone_ forgot about our plans today.” Yoriko pouts, hands on her hips.

“That was today!?” Touka panics. She looks at a calendar that’s hanging up on the wall. “I thought it was tomorrow, I swear!”

“What plans?” Kaneki asks, interested. Yoriko looks at Kaneki and gives a warm smile. It’s almost as warm as Hide’s. _Almost_. Nothing could ever compare to Hide’s smile. Not even god himself.

“Good afternoon, Kaneki.” Yoriko greets. “Touka promised to see the new horror movie with me today and totally bailed! I bought tickets and everything.” The human looks dejected. Kaneki arches a brow at Yoriko. He would’ve never pegged her as the horror movie type.

“I’m so sorry, Yoriko. I’ll make it up to you. After I get off, we can go.” Touka is tackled in a hug.

“Seriously, you’re the best, Touka!” Yoriko whines. She rubs their cheeks together.

Touka’s face is bright red. Kaneki chuckles at the display. Touka is the worst at hiding her feelings. It’s obvious to him that she loves Yoriko like Kaneki loves Hide. There’s no shame in that. The ghoul silently wishes them luck.

The rest of the day went by slowly. Hide continued to sleep, while Kaneki took and served orders. Eventually, the clock counts down, and Kaneki’s shift ends. The white-haired ghoul changes his clothing in the backroom and clocks out.

When Kaneki goes back up to the front, his eyes land on Hide. The guy can really sleep. How far has he been pushing himself? He’s woken up a few times, but always ended up dozing off again. Kaneki takes a seat beside Hide, book in hand. The movement in the booth is enough to cause Hide to stir.

“Hm?” Hide hums, sluggishly lifting his head up.

“I’m sorry, Hide, I didn’t mean to wake you.” Kaneki apologizes with a slight blush.

“No ‘s fine.” Hide slurs while rubbing his eyes. The action took off more of the makeup Hide had on. His dark circles look horrible, worse than they were yesterday. Even after all the sleep Hide’s done today, nothing’s changed. Kaneki didn’t dare point this out though. It would only upset Hide and drive him away.

“You can go back to sleep, you know? I don’t mind.”

“But-“ Kaneki quickly cuts him off.

“I don’t mind. I’ll still be here when you wake up.”

There’s a slight pause before Hide replies.

“Promise?”

“Promise.” Kaneki opens up his book as if to finalize his oath. Hide knows that once Kaneki starts reading, he isn’t going anywhere.

Satisfied, Hide lays his head back down on the table, or at least he’s about to before Kaneki redirects Hide to laying his head in his lap. Hide is shocked and hesitant at first but quickly adjusts to this position. Hide hums when he feels Kaneki’s fingers in his hair, petting and tugging at the strands of blond. The fingers leave occasionally, so Kaneki can turn a page, but they always come back. This is the first time in weeks that Hide’s felt safe. No one can touch him now. Kaneki would never let anything happen to Hide as long as he’s here with him. With that in mind, Hide lets himself drift off into a world of warmth and love. A place where the blond can truly rest.

Unbeknownst to the two, a ghoul is glaring at them from outside the café. On the other side of the street, Kyoki has been watching Hide, excited for him to leave the damned coffee shop. It seems he needs to remind them who Hide belongs too.

“Kyoki, sir.” A masked ghoul kneels on one knee behind Kyoki. “It’s time we go meet with Aogiri. There’s a lot to be discussed.”

“I know, Phantom.” Kyoki places a mask over his face. A ram mask. “I know.”


	3. Kyoki

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yo! Sorry for the wait. 
> 
> (Warning: Slight sexual content.)
> 
> Thank you for the support!
> 
> You can follow me on Tumblr. ----> BrandNewWings

“Hahaha! Kyoki is crazy! Crazy! Crazy!” The kids chant and laugh around a small child with black hair and pale skin. The boy is crying but won’t stand down to them.

“Shut up! It’s the name my mom gave me! It’s a precious treasure!” Kyoki, the small boy, shouts at them. This only spurs them on.

“If she named you Kyoki, then she must hate you!” A girl scoffs with her hands on her hips. “Kyoki means crazy, so you must be crazy!”

“Kyoki’s crazy! Kyoki’s crazy!” The other kids sing.

“Knock it off! It’s not funny!” Kyoki pushes the girl, who was taunting him, back. She falls over and hits her head on the ground.

Everyone stops talking and moving. The little girl sits up, rubbing the back of her head. Thick, blonde ringlets jiggling from her actions. When her hand comes around for her to see, there’s a smear of blood there. Big, fat tears outline her bottom lids before falling. She screams and cries loud enough to get the adults’ attention. They come running over.

“What happened?” The mother of the girl asks, checking her daughter’s head.

“Kyoki pushed her down.” One of the kids said. The woman snaps her attention to Kyoki.

“Why would you do that?” She barks.

“I-I was just-“ Kyoki didn’t even get to finish his explanation.

“There’s absolutely no excuse for you to push down _my_ daughter. Look at her, she’s bleeding!” The woman scolds. “You’re almost as bad as those ghouls on television. Do you know what those ghouls eat? Bad children like you.”

“But I-“ Kyoki reaches out for her, but the woman slaps his hand away.

“Don’t touch me or my daughter ever again. Don’t come near her. Do you understand me?” She waits for him to nods before picking her daughter up and leaving.

The rest of the kids and parents follow suit. The kids look sort of bad but not bad enough to explain what happened to their parents. Kyoki was left there at the park alone. The sun was setting. Everything took on an orangish hue. The sound of approaching footsteps alerted Kyoki of a new presence. His head flashes up to see a beautiful woman with long, black hair, porcelain skin, pale, brown eyes, and a warm smile.

“Mom!” Kyoki cries and runs into his mother’s arms.

“What’s wrong, Kyoki? Why are you crying?” She asks worried. She pets Kyoki’s hair to help sooth him.

“Why did you name me, Kyoki!? All the kids make fun of me and call me crazy! They said you named me Kyoki because you hated me! I don’t understand, mom!” Kyoki sobs.

“That couldn’t be any further from the truth. I love you very much.” She says softly.

“Then why?” Kyoki looks up at her, tears still falling. She smiles and wipes his tears away.

“Because that’s how much I love you. We all have something we’d go crazy over. The amount of love I have for you is enough to make someone go crazy.”

“Are you crazy then, mom?” This makes the woman laugh.

“Of course not. I’m very strong after all. The strongest, and so are you. You’ll understand this once you’re older. Love is a very strong thing, Kyoki. One day, you’ll find that person who captivates your mind and heart. The person who you can’t stop thinking about, who you can’t stop hearing, who you want in your life so bad, who you can’t live without. You’ll find them, and once you do, you’ll understand.” The woman crouches down to be eye level with her son. “In the world of ghouls, we are given so little. I wish I could tell you that you can own the world someday. Maybe, one day, we all can, but right now, we have to be kept secret. When you live a life like this, the smallest things can be so monumental. You’ll fight for the little things you do have. Kyoki, when you find someone you love, fight for them just like how your father fought for us.” The woman hugs Kyoki tightly.

“Mom…?”

“My gorgeous boy.” She whispers. “I love you very much.”

“I love you too, mom.” Kyoki smiles and hugs back. The woman tightens her hold and picks up Kyoki. “Let’s head on home.”

“Yeah!” Kyoki chimes and goes on telling her about his day at school. He spoke about an interesting boy named Hideyoshi. The boy was brighter than the sun but is always accompanied by a silent boy named Kaneki.

~

Blood splatters all over the ground. Two doves are towering over the woman they just struck down while a child is curled up in a corner. It wasn’t supposed to be like this. Mom is supposed to always win. She’s supposed to be with Kyoki forever, so why? Why is mom on the ground half dead?

“Kyoki, you have to get away.” She coughs. Kyoki shakes his head.

“No, I can’t leave you!” He yells.

“You must or they’ll kill you too.” She urges.

“You said I have to fight for the things I love, and I love you!” Kyoki takes a step towards her to fight off the doves. The doves walk towards them in reply, quinque at the ready.

“And I want to protect the one I love! Just go! I’ll be right behind you! I can’t fight with you here slowing me down! Go!” The woman screams. Her kagune struggle to rise up.

“But-“

“Now!” The mother coughs up blood that splats on the floor.

Kyoki clenches his fists and shuts his eyes. He turns around and runs out of the house using the back door.

“After him!” Kyoki hears a dove order.

His mother must’ve stopped the dove because the investigator never came. And Kyoki knew deep in his heart, that neither would she.

~

It’s raining. The clouds are heavy and a mixture of different variations of grey. Kyoki was unfortunate to forget his umbrella at home, so the ghoul is drenched by the time he strolls through the university gates.  Birds are chirping and making a day out of the weather. They hop around and poke at the ground in search of a delicious worm. Kyoki is already running late for his class. He’s half tempted to just skip it, but seeing as he’s already on campus, he may as well go.

Kyoki steps in a fairly deep puddle and curses. A loud rip and the ghoul’s bookbag tears from its straps and splunks into the puddle as well. A few of the textbooks fall out of the bag but lay on a drier part of the pavement. Kyoki sighs and crouches down to gather up his belongings. He reaches for his chemistry book when a tan hand grabs it before him.

“Today just isn’t your day, huh?” A warm voice teases. Kyoki’s tan eyes peer up at the man, and his heart skips a beat. It’s the boy from his elementary days. Hideyoshi, he believes is his name. His hair is still bleach blond with roots showing through. It’s thrown back into a messy bun since Hideyoshi couldn’t be bothered to work with it this morning. He has freckles sprinkled around on his nose and upper cheeks, his build isn’t muscular but it’s still pretty nice, and Hideyoshi’s smile lit up the rest of his face. How can someone like that exist in this world?

Realizing he hasn’t answered the blond back, Kyoki scrambles to grab the book as well as the rest of his stuff and stand up.

“I suppose it hasn’t been. Thank you.” Kyoki manages a relaxed and cool voice. He sticks a hand out for Hide. “The name’s Kyoki Kaze.”

“Kyoki? Doesn’t that mean crazy? Oh, and the name’s Hideyoshi Nagachika, but call me Hide. I prefer it.” Hide takes Kyoki hand and shakes it. Hide’s eyes slightly widen when Kyoki’s grip tightens.

“Do you think my name’s odd too?” Kyoki asks sharply.

“No. No. You misunderstand me. I think it’s pretty cool.” Hide flashes another smile.

“ _Cool_?” That wasn’t the answer he was expecting.

“Something wrong?” Hide lets go of Kyoki’s hand once the raven loosens his grip.

“No. It’s just that most people stay away from me because they think my name’s a bad omen. I can’t help but agree with them.” Kyoki chuckles bitterly.

“Well screw ‘em then!” Hide utters confidently. He pats Kyoki’s shoulders encouragingly. “It’s your name, right? You get to decide what it means to you. They don’t get a say in how you should feel about your name. They don’t have the right. Besides.”

“Besides?” Kyoki urges Hide to keep talking. The two of them are getting wetter and wetter from the rain.

“There’s nothing wrong with being a little crazy. I’d be worried if someone wasn’t.” Hide shows off his pearly whites. “If I thought differently, how could I still call him my friend?” Hide whispers to himself. Kyoki decides not to speak on it.

“My mom said something similar a long time ago.” Kyoki smiles fondly at the memory.

“See? If your mom says so, then you have nothing to worry about-achoo!” Hide sneezes.

“Oh! We should get out of the rain before we catch a cold!” Kyoki gets a better hold on his bag and grabs Hide by the elbow. He leads the blond to the food court. They take their seats at a table away from the busy students. “I don’t know how you haven’t been electrocuted by wearing those things in the rain.”

Kyoki points at the neon orange headphones Hide’s sporting around his neck.

“What can I say – I’m a lucky guy.” Hide wags his brows. Kyoki blushes and looks away. “I guess neither of us are getting to class today.”

“I guess so.” Kyoki checks his textbooks and journals to make sure they’re okay. Hide eyes the material curiously.

“Chemistry and biology, huh? You’re in the science field?” Hide asks, sliding off his backpack.

“Yeah. I’m majoring in biochemistry.” Kyoki answers, putting down a safe journal and looking through the next.

“Biochemistry? That sounds pretty neat.” Hide says.

“Yeah, it’s pretty interesting at times. What are you majoring in?” Kyoki inquires. When there’s a long pause, Kyoki looks up from what he’s doing to stare at Hide. He wasn’t expecting the sad expression on his face. The look of depression and being lost in his eyes. When Hide notices Kyoki’s staring, his face changes back to bright and cheery.

“I’m not sure anymore. I thought I knew, but I can never seem to make up my mind, you know?” Hide gives a lopsided grin. Kyoki nods in understanding.

“I get you. It took me a while to figure out what I wanted to do before I discovered biochemistry. Don’t give up. You’ll find something that fits your tastes.” Kyoki tries to encourage. His words shock Hide a little before the human bursts out laughing. “What? Did I say something funny?”

“No! Sorry. You just reminded me of my old best friend, is all. He would say something like that too. Thank you.” The mirth in Hide’s brown eyes warms Kyoki’s stomach.

“Your friend – what happened to him?” Kyoki chanced the question.

“I wonder that myself sometimes.” Hide has a faraway look in his eyes. “I should get going. Lots to do!”

Hide stands up abruptly and stretches. A puddle has formed around him.

“Ah! Thank you again for helping me out!” Kyoki thanks, standing up as well to bow.

“It’s no problem at all. See you around, man.” Hide gives a salute, slings his bag over his shoulder, and leaves the food court.

Kyoki stares where he last saw Hide’s retreating figure. His heart won’t stop racing. The butterflies in his stomach flutter around at a constant. He wants to make him his. He wants to hear his voice. He wants to hear his laugh. He wants to see his smile. He wants him. Kyoki wants Hide to be his.

“Mother, I understand now. I understand what you were trying to tell me.” Kyoki says in awe.

~

“So, Ram, you’re offering us the use of these drugs. In exchange for what, I wonder?” Eto taps her chin in mock contemplation.

“Protection. My group is newly made. We need protection just long enough to build stronger forces and order within Genesis.” Kyoki, aka Ram, answers.

“Why don’t I just take the drugs and kill you all instead then? That seems much easier to me, right Seidou, dear?” Eto coos to the insane ghoul beside her. The ghoul named, Seidou, has a wide smile splitting across his face. He’s practically buzzing with excitement to kill. “I don’t need another ghoul group hindering my plans.”

“We wouldn’t hinder anything, and I’m the only one who knows how to make the drug. You can try. You can analyze it molecule by molecule, but it will never have the same results.” Kyoki says confidently. Eto’s eyes narrow. Her interest has been peeked.

“And what is its purpose again?” she asks.

“People who take it have similar characteristics that ghouls have. Fast healing, hunger for human flesh, and there have been cases of speed and strength enhancements. They can be used as decoys to throw off the doves from your trail, or maybe have an army that can’t feel pain or fear. I’m sure _you_ can think of many different uses for it. The drug is untraceable because the injection site heals up, and the drug is almost completely gone from the system by the time it wears off.” Kyoki stops talking when Eto raises a hand for his silence.

“I’ll think it over. You’re free to go.” Eto orders. Seidou looks bummed that he doesn’t get to kill anyone.

 “Thank you.” Kyoki bows and leaves the room. Outside in the hall, Phantom is waiting for him.

“Any luck?” he asks, falling into step beside Kyoki.

“I think they’ll agree.” Kyoki smirks. The two leave the meeting place and head back to their base.

~

“Kaneki, stop! It’s too much!” Hide has a few tears in his eyes. “I can’t take anymore in. I’m already stuffed to the max.”

“Just a little more, Hide.” Kaneki grits his teeth and forces Hide to stay still. “You told me you wanted this, so you can’t back out now.”

“Yeah, but not like this! I don’t even think I can walk properly now.” Hide huffs.

“Just a little more?” Kaneki urges.

“ _No_.” Hide says sternly.

Kaneki sighs in defeat and tosses the plate down on the table. The two are hanging out at Hide’s apartment tonight, and the blond insisted that Kaneki make them food. Hide knew Kaneki was a ghoul but didn’t take into consideration that Kaneki might’ve forgotten how food proportions worked during meals. Kaneki’s plate is left untouched while Hide’s plate is halfway empty. There’s still a mountain of mashed potatoes and half of a thick slice of steak. Hide’s belly feels like it’s going to pop.

It’s been a week since the last time Hide saw Kyoki – since Hide and Kaneki have begun to rekindle their friendship. Hide has been holding back asking questions regarding Kaneki. He wants Kaneki to feel comfortable and unpressured with him. If Hide pries, who knows how Kaneki would react. During the week without Kyoki around, Hide has been able to relax and sleep properly. The bags under his eyes are almost gone, he’s eating properly again, his complexion is getting better, and life doesn’t seem so hopeless anymore, but that fear is always there. The fear of _his_ return. Hide knows Kyoki will be back. He wouldn’t just leave Hide alone at the drop of a hat. He wishes, but that could never be the case, so Hide will enjoy the freedom he has now before he’s thrown back into hell. Back into the insanity that’s been crumbling his mind one injection at a time.

“Aren’t you going to eat?” Hide asks. He’s humoring Kaneki since he’s not supposed to know about the ghoul thing. The human watches Kaneki’s expression go from pale, to horror, to disgust, then to determination. Kaneki picks up a fork and knife. He stabs the steak with the former and slices out a piece with the latter. He slowly raises it to his lips. Hide sighs and decides to get this over with. “Or not, since you’re a ghoul.”

Kaneki freezes. The meat falls off the fork and splatters in the potatoes. Hide keeps a smile on his face as he rubs his stomach as if he was pregnant. More emotions flash across Kaneki’s face like before.

“What?” Kaneki chooses to feign ignorance.

“ _Kaneki_.” Hide says sternly. The ghoul sighs, putting down his utensils.

“How did you find out?” he asks.

“I’m your best friend. You really think I wouldn’t know? You’re not the best actor either.” Hide hums.

“Then why aren’t you afraid of me? You should be repulsed.” Kaneki’s hands are fisted up. His knuckles are white.

“That’s for me to decide, Kaneki, and I’ve decided to stay by your side regardless of what you are. You are still Kaneki Ken, my best friend. Nothing is ever going to change that.” Hide reaches and grabs one of Kaneki’s fists, giving it a reassuring squeeze.

“You could be in danger. You could get hurt or killed…or worse.” Kaneki snatches his hand away from Hide. “ _I_ could hurt you.”

“If you did, it wouldn’t be intentional. You would never mean to hurt me, and I’m not weak, Kaneki. You’re not the first ghoul I’ve encountered.” Hide almost regrets saying that because Kaneki looks pissed off.

“Who-?”

“It doesn’t matter now. They’re gone. The point is, no amount of pain I would get from being with you could ever compare to the amount of pain I got being away from you.” Hide nearly whispers the last part.

“Hide…”

“Kaneki, don’t push me away anymore. Face me head on.” Hide practically cries. “I don’t want to be alone anymore. I can’t take those nights by myself.” The dam inside Hide is breaking. He can’t stop talking no matter how much he tries. Kaneki stares at Hide, heartbroken. In the end, he hurt Hide anyways for not being there for him.  He made Hide so lonely. The ghoul gets out of his seat and walks towards Hide, who is still begging for Kaneki to let him back in to his life. The blond stops talking when he sees the kakugan staring down at him. “K-Kaneki?”

Kaneki reaches a hand out to grab the back of Hide’s head and pull his face to his. Their lips crash into each other’s’ full force. Hide is shocked at first, but slowly gains confidence in kissing the ghoul back. Kaneki’s free hand cups the side of Hide’s neck to keep the human steady. He hopes he can convey his apologies and feelings through the kiss. He wants Hide to know he’s sorry. That he’s loved. That he’ll never be alone again.

Hide’s hands grab onto Kaneki’s biceps. There’s the sound of a snap and Hide’s hair is free from the confines of his hair tie. Blond hair cascades down like a waterfall, and Kaneki tangles his hand in it to get a better hold on the blond. Their kiss becomes more heated and needy. Hide moans when Kaneki licks into his mouth, tasting the human sensually. The hand on Hide’s neck slides down his waist.

Hide has to pull away for air. He gasps and pants, face flushed. He can’t look at Kaneki in the eyes from sheer embarrassment, but the ghoul isn’t having any of that. Hands cup Hide’s face and force them to look up at Kaneki.

“I love you, Hide. I love you so much. I never meant to hurt you like I did. I only did it because I thought I was protecting you. ..No. That would be the easy lie to believe. I did it because I feared your rejection. I was scared that you’d hate me for what I became. I couldn’t face you until now, Hide. I’m so sorry. I’m so so sorry.” Kaneki presses their foreheads together. An intimate gesture.

“You should’ve had more faith in me.” Hide sighs. A pang of guilt hits Hide’s heart. How is he any better? He’s hiding Kyoki from Kaneki.

“I know, and I will from now on. I’m never going to leave you again. I promise. Please, let me take care of you. I want to be a part of your life more than ever before. I want to love you like this.” Kaneki kisses Hide’s nose. “I want to be yours. Please? All you have to say is yes.”

Hide stares at Kaneki, speechless. Never did he imagine that things would turn out like this. His whole body feels warm.

“I-“

“Yes or no?” Kaneki asks. His lips are getting closer and closer.

“Yes. I love you, Kaneki.” Hide whispers and closes his eyes.

“I love you too, Hide.” Kaneki smiles and captures Hide’s lips into another kiss.

They kiss and whisper sweet nothings to each other. Kaneki kisses down Hide’s jaw and leaves open mouth kisses along Hide’s neck. The blond moans and tangles his fingers in Kaneki’s hair. Hide can feel Kaneki’s lips smirk in satisfaction at drawing out a moan from Hide. The ghoul grabs Hide’s waist and lifts the human up as if he weighed nothing. Hide squeaks at the sudden action. The blond wraps his legs around Kaneki’s waist and his arms around Kaneki’s neck, so he wouldn’t fall. The ghoul relocates his hands to Hide’s ass to support him more.

“I hope you don’t mind-“ Kaneki is cut off by Hide’s lips. The albino is more than happy to reciprocate it.

Kaneki carries Hide to the closest piece of furniture for them to be on together – the couch. Kaneki lays Hide on his back and takes his place above him.

“I love you. I will lay my life down for you. I will protect you and keep you safe.” Kaneki presses a chaste kiss to Hide’s lips. “And I will make sure that you never feel lonely again. I will make damn sure of that.”

As if to make his point, Kaneki rubs his palm against the bulge in Hide’s pants. The blond throws his head back and groans.

“I will make you happy, I will make you feel loved.” Kaneki whispers, nipping at Hide’s throat. That sends shivers through Hide.

“You’re over here saying all these things, and I feel pathetic because I want to do that for you, but I don’t know how to. I want to support you. I want to help you carry your burdens. I also want to make you happy and feel loved.” Hide’s face is red and when Kaneki looks at Hide, so is his.

“You being by my side and smiling is more than enough for me, Hide.” Kaneki smiles.

“Geez, when did you become such a romantic?” Hide mutters. This is not how it was before Kaneki became a ghoul. Hide was the one who left Kaneki blushing and flustered. The tables have turned incredibly. Kaneki chuckles.

“Must’ve been from the books.” Kaneki answers, going back to kissing Hide’s neck.

“I sincerely doubt that. Ah-“ Hide keens when Kaneki slides a hand up Hide’s shirt and fondles a nipple. Hide almost lets his mind wander into the bliss Kaneki is providing him, but he feels like he should be doing something for Kaneki too. As if reading Hide’s mind, Kaneki sends another jolt of pleasure through Hide.

“Don’t worry about anything. I get pleasure from making you feel good. Let me take care of you.” Kaneki murmurs. He pushes Hide’s shirt up and over his head. “Tonight’s all about you.”

“Kaneki…” Hide looks up at the ceiling in a daze. He feels Kaneki’s hair tickling his bare skin. He feels his warm, wet tongue tracing along every inch of him. The ghoul’s pale fingers drawing the indentions and muscles on Hide’s body. The human’s body trembles from his overwhelming emotions and the pleasure Kaneki is providing him. He’s so incredibly happy.

Hide hugs Kaneki’s head closer to his chest and kisses the top of the ghoul’s head. That night, the two reconciled and became one over and over again. The two became lost in the love and pleasure they felt for one another.


	4. All Hell Breaks Loose - Part I

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It starts going down hill from here.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait. This chapter was really fighting me. (I was also distracted by Spider-Man fics but yeah).
> 
> Thank you for the support!
> 
> Gore warning.

_Hide is running through darkness. No matter how far he runs, he never finds a wall or another living being. He’s all alone here. It’s so dark. It’s so scary. His pants and footsteps echo and are louder than they should be. If something is lurking out in the darkness with Hide, it can surely hear him._

_It takes Hide a while to recognize that his footsteps become the sounds of sloshing through water. Hide stops running and looks down. He can barely see his feet. The water is warm though. It has a weird texture to it as well. It’s borderline slimy. Then something heart-stopping begins to happen._

_The water is rising._

_Hide starts running again. In a few minutes, the water reaches his knees. In ten minutes, the water reaches his hips. Hide pales when he feels something brushing against his calf. It’s soft and wispy, but since Hide can’t see what it is, the human panics. The fear of swimming in the dark isn’t uncommon. No one likes being in water they can’t see through. They fear what is lurking below them. The illogical anxiety that a monster is going to come for them. More things are brushing against Hide’s legs as the water rises and rises._

_It gets to the point that Hide has to physically swim through the water and the dark. He swims for hours that feel like days. He wonders where he is? Where everyone else is? Why is it so dark? Lost in his thoughts, Hide misses the way that his head has to tilt in order to get air. How his body has been brushing up against a ceiling. It’s too late when Hide is fully submerged in the water. He tries a few times to open his eyes. Each time, his eyes burns and are forced to close again. By the fifth time, Hide powers through the pain and keeps them open. As if that was a cue, a bright light shines down on him in the water like a spotlight._

_Everything is red. He’s been swimming in blood; an ocean of blood. Hide looks down and see a bottomless pit. He finds out that the things that have been brushing up against him are dismembered libs. If Hide could throw up, he would. It’s disgusting. No words can describe the things he’s seeing. Hide looks up towards where the light is shining and screams through the liquid around him._

_A decapitated head of a woman is staring down at him. Her long hair is flowing around freely. Her hair was what he was feeling against his calf. Her eyes won’t look away from him. The head starts screaming in agony. As if she can feel what’s happened to her. Hide turns around to get away but finds himself no longer in the water. He’s in a checkboard room. Kaneki is sitting in a chair, chained up. He’s been beaten to near death. Kyoki is there laughing as he finishes cutting out Kaneki’s tongue with scissors. The ghoul takes corkscrews for opening wine and shoves them into Kaneki’s eye sockets. With a twist, he yanks them out, eyes attached. The screams that Kaneki makes are deafening._

_Kaneki stops his shrieks when Hide makes a step towards him. The half ghoul slowly turns his head towards Hide. The blond can’t look away from the gaping, bloody sockets gazing back at him. Kaneki opens his mouth to talk, and blood cascades down his chin like a waterfall. Despite that, Kaneki is somehow still able to speak._

_“Why did you let him do this to me, Hide? Why didn’t you protect me? Where were you, Hide?” Kaneki sounds so small. “Why, Hide? Why did you do this?”_

_“I didn’t! Kaneki, I-“ Hide looks down at his hands. He has latex gloves on that are smeared in fresh blood._

_“Don’t you think you can cut it out with the lying?” Kyoki whispers in Hide’s head. “No matter what you do, it will always come back to this. You will always become a monster.”_

_“No…” Hide shakes his head. He turns his head to see a mountain of dead bodies. Every person he’s killed. The people in that ocean._

_“How many people do you have to kill before you’re satisfied?” Kaneki asks._

_“No.” Hide doesn’t want to hear it._

_“You can always get away from this pain.” Kyoki holds up a syringe._

_“Get away from me!” Hide smacks the syringe out of Kyoki’s hand._

_“Hide,” Kaneki begins._

_“Stop. Don’t say it.” Hide begs._

_“I can’t love a monster.”_

“NO!” He shouts, sitting up in bed. He’s gasping for air. Hands grab his shoulders but Hide screams and pushes them away. Someone’s talking in the distance, but he can’t be bothered with figuring out who and what they’re saying.

Hide turns over and empties the content of his stomach onto the floor. He coughs and spits whatever is left over in his mouth. The hands return, rubbing his back. Hide crawls out of bed.

“Don’t touch me!” Hide yelps and slams his back against the wall. He probably looks like a wild animal that’s been trapped.

“Hide, I need you to calm down.” Someone’s voice finally breaks through to Hide. They crouch in front of the blond but this time careful to not touch him. “Hide, can you hear me?”

Hide’s breathing slows down as the panic ebbs away and reality kicks back in. The blond’s blurry vision clarifies and Hide sees Kaneki kneeling in front of him. The ghoul has never had a scared expression like this before. Hide did this.

“Hide?” Kaneki tries again.

“Yeah. I can hear you.” Hide takes in a deep breath and exhales. “I’m sorry.”

“You have nothing to apologize for. Nightmares happen and so do night terrors.” Kaneki gives a small smile. Hide sees the mess he’s made and rubs his face. “I’ll clean it up. Don’t worry about it.”

Hide nods and removes his hand from his face. When he opens his eyes, he pales. There’s blood everywhere. It’s on the ceiling, it’s strewn across the walls, in puddles on the floor, soaking the bed, all over Kaneki, and on Hide’s hands. Hide screams and jumps up. He ignores Kaneki’s alarmed calls for him as Hide rushes to the bathroom. He slams the door behind him and locks it. Hide turns on the water to scalding hot at the sink and scrubs vehemently at the blood on his hands. Kaneki is knocking on the door desperately for Hide to let him in.

Hide scrubs and scrubs until his arms and hands are bright red. Once satisfied, Hide moves onto brushing his teeth. The results are the same. He brushes so intensely that Hide ruins the bristles of the brush and has to open a new pack. He finishes off the tube of toothpaste and starts on a new one. The human flosses so hard that the string slices into his sensitive gums and makes them bleed. When Hide spits into the sink, the sight of blood only worsens his episode.

“Why can’t I become clean!? No matter how hard I scrub, the blood won’t come off!” Hide cries after spitting another shot of mouthwash into the sink.

“You are clean, Hide. There’s no blood on you. Please, let me in.” Kaneki asks from the other side of the door.

Kaneki knows that Hide needs his space. The ghoul has been through these plenty of times. He knows what he should and shouldn’t ask. He knows this but Hide might be hurting himself in there. He can smell blood that wasn’t prevalent before. What on earth did Hide dream about? What has his boyfriend gone through that’s making him dream these things? If someone hurt Hide, then they started a fucking _war_. Kaneki will not rest until the person is found and skinned alive like a grape.

But Hide is his top priority right now.

“Hide, please, let me in. I’ll help you!” Kaneki knocks on the door again.

Some time passes. It quiets down in the bathroom. The water is shut off and the whimpers and sniffling die down. Kaneki can’t restrain the sigh of relief that exits his throat.

“Hide?” Kaneki tries again.

There’s a soft click from the lock. It sounded like heaven to Kaneki’s ears. He quickly opens the door and scrambles inside. His heart breaks at the sight of Hide curled up on himself. He’s hugging his knees to his chest, back against the wall, and looking at nothing.

“Hide…” Kaneki crouches in front of Hide again. He takes notice of Hide’s burnt arms and that the scent of blood is coming from Hide’s mouth. Kaneki gets in Hide’s line of sight. “Hide, are you with me?”

Hide nods.

“Good. That’s good. Give me a second.” Kaneki says.

The ghoul stands back up and searches for a first aid kit. He finds one in the cabinet that’s attached behind the mirror. A quick look through its contents and Kaneki clicks his tongue. Not a lot is here. Probably enough bandages to wrap Hide’s arms with and gauze for the human’s mouth, but there’s nothing to treat Hide’s burns. An idea hit Kaneki, and he hurries to the kitchen. He rummages through the cabinets until he finds a bottle of honey. Kaneki goes back to the bathroom and grabs some bandages before sitting in front of Hide.

“Hide, I need to treat those burns. Can I touch you?” Kaneki asks softly. He waits for however long he needs to before Hide nods. Kaneki smiles, relieved, and gets to work. “This might hurt a little.”

Kaneki opens the bottle of honey and squeezes some all over Hide’s left arm and hand. Hide makes a face at that.

“Hey. It’s the only thing I know that helps treat burns when there’s no stock of proper burn relievers.” Kaneki hums and spreads the honey as gently as he can across Hide’s red skin.

Hide’s body relaxes as Kaneki’s fingers work their magic. The honey is helping significantly with the pain. Kaneki unravels the bandages and wraps them around Hide’s arm.

“Do you want to talk about what just happened?” Kaneki asks. Hide shakes his head. “Do you want to talk about the nightmare?” Another shake of the head. “Okay.”

Hide appreciates Kaneki not trying to pry about what just happened. He hates that he had a night terror and episode after they just confessed their love and had sex. How embarrassing. How ridiculous. Now here they are, sitting on the filthy bathroom floor. Kaneki shouldn’t be treating wounds. Hide shouldn’t be feeling like this. They should be both asleep in Hide’s bed and snuggling like there’s no tomorrow.

Hide is so tired of feeling like this. The paranoia. The anxiety. Physically feeling like shit. The self-hatred. The nightmares. The depression. Feeling lower than dirt. He wants it to stop. He wants an out. Maybe…

Maybe that drug could be helpful after all.

 

* * *

 

“There, you’re all bandaged up.” Kaneki declares, putting everything away.

“I feel gross…” Hide mumbles. “Thank you, Kaneki. I’m sorry you had to experience that.”

“How often does this occur?” Kaneki asks, helping Hide up. Hide’s silence says it all. It happens too often. Kaneki _will_ get to the bottom of this. “Right. I’m going to make you hot chocolate while you rest on the couch.”

Kaneki guides his lover out of the bedroom and into the living room. Once Hide is seated on the couch, Kaneki wraps him up in blankets and pillows. The ghoul goes to do what he said he would. Hide’s eyes glance at the clock. It’s five in the morning. No point in trying to go back to sleep. Kaneki works in two hours and Hide has classes in three.

The human takes in his surroundings. He needs to clean up his apartment. It’s gathering quite the layer of dust and webs. There are burger wrappers everywhere and half full soda cups on the table. Hide’s college material is littering the floor and table as well. He sighs.

There’s a crackling noise that catches Hide’s attention. It’s followed by a pleasant aroma. Kaneki must be making more than just hot cocoa.

“Geez, Hide. When was the last time you went shopping? Half the stuff in your fridge has gone bad.” Kaneki complains, closing the refrigerator door. “After I get off work, we’re going shopping and cleaning up your apartment. I love you, but you need to take better care of your home.”

Hide smiles.

“So, I guess you’re just going to move into my apartment then? You sure are acting like it.” Hide hums. Kaneki nearly drops the carton of eggs.

“Shut up! I’m just being a concerned boyfriend. Don’t make it awkward.” Kaneki is blushing as he cracks an egg open and plops the contents into the pan.

“I wouldn’t mind if you moved in with me.” Hide admits. “I’d love it.”

There’s a pause.

“Are you sure?” Kaneki asks. “We just became a couple. We may have known each other well before, but things have changed. We need to take things like that slowly.”

“We just had sex. Call me crazy, but that’s not taking it slow, my dear Kaneki.” Hide teases.

“It’s not the same thing, Hide.” Kaneki ends the discussion by flipping the egg over.

“When do you get off work?” Hide asks, trying to liven up the mood.

“Five if it’s not busy.” Kaneki answers.

“That’s a ten-hour shift!” Hide exclaims.

“It happens.” Kaneki shrugs. “Just means more money for me.”

“Yeah, and less of a social life.” Hide whines.

“Relax. I’m off tomorrow, so we can do whatever you’d like then.” Kaneki promises with a smile. Hide returns it. Kyoki’s face flashes through Hide’s mind, disrupting the smile. “Hide, are you okay?”

Hide blinks and notices that Kaneki is in front of him, holding out a mug of hot chocolate. Hide thanks Kaneki as he grabs the cup. The blond blows against the beverage to cool it down, then takes a small sip. The warmth eases his muscles and comforts his anxieties.

“Yeah.” Hide finally answers Kaneki’s question. “Actually, Kaneki, there’s something I’ve been meaning to tell you, but I’ve been too much of a coward to say it. I’ve been too scared of what you’d say.”

“What is it, Hide?” Kaneki asks, sitting down next to Hide. The blond takes a deep breath in.

“I-“ A knocking on the door interrupts Hide.

“Hold that thought.” Kaneki gets up and answers the door. He’s a bit irritated that someone’s interrupting Hide’s big reveal. Hide doesn’t open up much about his personal thoughts and feelings. Especially if they’re about the dark part of his mind. So, when Kaneki swings the door open, there’s a scowl on his face. “What?”

There’s an older woman standing there with a small stack of mail in her hands. She takes a step back at the glare Kaneki is giving her.

“I-I’m sorry! I just came to give you this. Your mail was sent to me by mistake!” She speaks quickly from nervousness. The woman hands out the letters.  Kaneki’s scowl becomes a gentle expression as he takes them from her.

“Ah! Sorry. I don’t live here, but I’ll give this to him.” Kaneki smiles.

“Thank you. Sorry to trouble you then!” The woman turns on her heel and scurries away. Kaneki watches after her for a few seconds before closing the door.

“What was it?” Hide asks when Kaneki enters back into the room

“Nothing really. Someone was sent your mail by mistake and came to return it.” Kaneki answers, handing the human his letters. Hide makes a face.

“But mail doesn’t come until late afternoon – early evening?” Hide states. “Why is she just now giving this to me?”

“I don’t know? Maybe she tried yesterday but couldn’t reach us? She could’ve just forgotten.” Kaneki shrugs and sniffs. “Shit! I forgot about the eggs!”

Kaneki rushes back to the kitchen to see if he can salvage whatever is left of the food. Hide shakes his head with a chuckle. He flips through the mail in half boredom. A few ads. Some bills. The usual. That is, until Hide comes across the last letter. There’s no return address. Only Hide’s name and address is scrawled across. Hide frowns and wastes no time in opening it.

Hide pulls out the folded-up piece of paper from the envelope. He unfolds it and skims over it. His heart stops, and his face pales. There are only a few words written on it, but it’s enough.

**_Don’t trust anyone because I’m always watching you my dear Hide._ **

Hide rips up the paper into tiny, little pieces as if that would make the letter to never have existed. Based on what the letter was hinting, that neighbor probably wasn’t really a neighbor. Kyoki has made a huge statement. He is getting into his head. The ghoul can slip past Kaneki undetected. The ghoul was able to contact Hide even though Kaneki is right here. Kyoki has eyes on Hide at all times. He’s not safe. Hide can never be safe.

“So, what was it that you were gonna tell me?” Kaneki asks, bringing their earlier conversation back up.

Hide tosses the ripped-up paper into one of the coke cups. He watches as the paper becomes a wet mass.

“Nothing. Nothing at all.” Hide says.


	5. All Hell Breaks Loose - Part II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A war has been sparked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry.
> 
> “I feel it burning through my veins. It’s driving me insane. The fever is rising, I’m going under. Memories flash before my eyes. I’m losing time. The poison is killing me, taking over.” – City of the Dead by Eurielle

It turns out that class was cancelled today as the professor’s child was terribly sick. That’s a shocker really. In college, a professor is usually on their deathbed and still giving class. If a professor’s child is sick, that professor will bring in said child and risk infecting the class just to lecture their students about god knows what.

This gave Hide the chance to clean up his apartment. Kaneki said they should be taking it slow, but Hide didn’t miss the way Kaneki wrote down his favorite coffee brand on the grocery list. He didn’t miss how there’s an additional toothbrush beside his. Hide wouldn’t be surprised if Kaneki made himself a small section for his own clothing in Hide’s dresser and closet. He’s waiting for there to be a small stack of Kaneki’s books lying around somewhere.

The thought of Kaneki slowly taking over Hide’s house excites the blond. There’s going to be someone to come home to.  There’s going to be someone to wish him a goodnight. Someone who will hold him at night and him to hold. He’s going to come home to the smell of coffee and the obvious attempt of food being made. Maybe they’ll go shopping together as a regular thing? Hide never realized how desperate – how starved he was to be with Kaneki again. It’s not the only thing Hide is starving for though. It’s becoming more prominent by the day now. This hunger to be taken away by the high. An escape with a huge price, but the reward is looking more favorable than the consequences.

“I thought the longer you go without a drug, the less the cravings and withdrawals are.” Hide says to himself, tossing a napkin into the trashcan. He grabs the Windex bottle and sprays another window. He watches the foaming liquid drizzle down the glass. Hide dabs the droplets before they reach the window pane. “Apparently, that’s not always the case.”

‘ _It makes you feel good._ ’ A voice crows in Hide’s head.

“Hardly. I only get to enjoy it for a second before I black out and wake up to a nightmare.” Hide scrubs the window in circles to avoid any smudges and smears.

‘ _It makes you feel nothing._ ’ The voice continues.

Hide’s heart skips a beat. His breath shudders.

‘ _You don’t want to feel anything at all._ ’

“No. I have Kaneki now. I don’t need to rely on the drug to feel better. Kaneki is enough to do that.” Hide argues.

‘ _It’s not Kaneki’s job to fix you. It’s not his job to babysit you._ ’ The voice hisses.

“I’m not saying he needs to fix me. I’m saying that he’s there for me if and when I need help.” Hide is half tempted to quiet his mind by smashing the window.

‘ _How can he help you when he doesn’t even know what’s wrong?_ ’ The voice challenges.

“I’m gonna tell him! I’m just not ready yet.”

‘ _You’ll never be ready. You’re never going to tell him until it’s too late. You don’t have faith in him._ ’

“Shut up. You don’t know anything.” Hide growls, throwing away another paper towel.

‘ _I know everything. I am you._ ’ The voice echoes in Hide’s ears like the mist.

Hide clenches the neck of the spray bottle until there a small cracking noise and Windex leaks from the container. The blond curses and quickly cleans up the mess.

‘ _It makes the pain go away._ ’ The voice tries again.

“Shut up.”

‘ _You want it._ ’ The voice is getting worked up. Insane-like. ‘ _You think about it more than Kyoki! You think about it more than Kaneki. You want more._ ’

“I said shut up!” Hide swipes everything off the table in front of him, making yet another mess.

The sound of a few mugs shattering breaks Hide from his thoughts. He looks down at the shards of glass and other objects on the ground. His head slowly slides up to look at his reflection in the windows. Who is he? What has he become? This isn’t the same man from a few months ago. Hide hardly recognizes himself. What happened to the life in his eyes? What happened to the smile he always displayed? Where did that man go? Is this what Kaneki sees now? Does Kaneki already know what’s going on with Hide? Hide lets out a whimper when his eyes become wild-looking. A few tears threaten to spill. Hide reaches a hand up and tangles its fingers in his hair.

“Kaneki, help me…” Hide’s voice sounds so broken and small.

\---

“Can you not sit so close to me?” Touka crinkles her nose at Kaneki.

“What? Sure, but why?” Kaneki looks down at the young woman with furrowed brows.

“Kaneki, I’m happy for you. I really am, but I don’t want to smell gay sex while I’m trying to enjoy my break.” Touka stretches on the couch and folds her arms behind her head. The half ghoul blushes bright red.

“But I took a shower!” Kaneki tries to defend.

“Yeah? Well it didn’t help at all. God forbid Hide comes in today or else I may puke.” Touka rolls her eyes.

“You’re just upset that you and Yoriko didn’t get to scissor each other last night.” Kaneki smirks. This earns him a punch that sends him flying back and into the wall.

“No. I’m pretty sure I just hate the smell of you right now, lover boy.” Touka huffs.

“Hey, Dorothy and Rose, can you try to keep the destruction down to a minimum? The customers don’t need to know that fight club is taking place back here.” Nishiki hollers from the doorway.

“I’m pretty sure that you screaming that has made it only worse.” Touka crosses her arms. “And was that a Golden Girls reference?”

“Yeah. Kimi has been binging that show like it’s gospel.” Nishiki rubs the back of his neck.

“Which one of us is Dorothy and which one is Rose?” Touka asks, arching a brow.

“Look, it doesn’t matter. Just keep it down.” Nishiki avoids the question.

“Right. Of course, your highness.” Touka sticks out her tongue.

“Watch it, brat.” Nishiki growls a warning, pushing his glasses back up the bridge of his nose.

There’s a loud bang from the back door and Yomo comes in with several large sacks of supplies over his shoulder. Yoshimura probably sent him out to get some things. He sees the three of them and nods. They nod back.

“Kaneki, take a shower.” Is all Yomo says before exiting the room with his groceries.

“See!” Touka shouts.

Kaneki groans and shoves his head into his hands. Nishiki goes back to work.

“On a serious note, it seems that Genesis tried to make a deal with Aogiri Tree.” The air around Touka changes into something more serious. Kaneki nods.

“Tsukiyama was telling me about that the other day. There hasn’t been any news on whether or not Eto will accept the offer given to her.”

“Do we know what the deal was?” Touka asks. She sighs in disappointment when Kaneki shakes his head no. “Well it’s only a matter of time before the CCG catches on that there’s a new ghoul group. When that happens, it’s going to be harder for us to breathe.”

“I know. If I could just figure out who is in this new group… I have half a mind to approach Eto and demand to know who the leader is, but that couldn’t possibly end well. It may even spur her on to take the deal. We have to tread lightly.” Kaneki holds his hands together and squeezes. He’s sitting on the couch, hunched over.

“Right, and while we sit around doing nothing, humans are being attacked and killing each other. What happens if Yoriko is targeted? What if Hide is next?”

“You think I don’t know the risks!?” Kaneki snarls, snapping his head up and glaring at Touka. “If Hide gets caught up in this, I wouldn’t know what to do. That means he’d have killed someone. He would’ve eaten someone. Hide shouldn’t be a monster like me. It’s not right.”

“Hide would be a monster for doing something he wouldn’t have control over? That’s a little harsh, don’t you think? A bit cruel.” Touka frowns.

“I didn’t say that.” Kaneki’s hands squeeze tighter together.

“But you implied it.” Touka hums and leans back into the couch. “Before you became a ghoul, you referred to ghouls as monsters. I remember the drawing you made, as awful as it looked. Don’t you think if Hide was mixed up in this drug problem, he’d be too scared to confront you about it? You don’t hide the fact that you think of yourself as a monster. He’s probably scared that you’d call him one as well and reject him. Maybe hate him.”

“But I wouldn’t!” Kaneki stands up as if the couch was burning him.

“You wouldn’t?” Touka looked unconvinced. “Are you sure?”

“Yes! He accepted me for everything that I am! I would do the same for him. I’d just be upset that he had to experience something like that. You don’t come back from killing someone, Touka. You change.” Kaneki bites the inside of his cheek as he grows lost in thought. Then it hits him. “Wait, Touka, what did you say?”

“What? I didn’t say anything-“

“No. No. I mean what did you say before my speech?” Kaneki clarifies.

“Boy, if you’re expecting me to recite that whole monologue, you are clearly mistaken.” Touka says.

“No, that Hide would be scared to tell me.” Kaneki’s knees are starting to wobble.

“If Hide was mixed up in the drug problem, he’d be too scared to confront you about it?” Touka asks, unsure.

“I…” Kaneki whispers.

 _‘There’s something I’ve been meaning to tell you, but I’ve been too much of a coward to say it. I’ve been too scared of what you’d say.’_ Hide’s words from this morning ring loud and clear in Kaneki’s head.

“Oh my god.” Kaneki sits on the couch again before his legs give out. “Don’t tell me that’s what he was going to tell me.”

“Kaneki, what’s wrong? Kaneki?” Touka snaps her fingers in front of Kaneki’s face. “You with me?”

“Touka, I think – and I’m praying to whatever omnipotent force is out there that I’m wrong – that Hide’s already been a victim of this.” Kaneki’s face is pale.

“Why? What happened?” Touka asks, trying to get Kaneki to look at her. “Look at me. Tell me what happened.”

“This morning Hide woke up with a night terror. It was so bad, Touka. I’ve never seen Hide like that before. It took so long for him to calm down, and when he did, he started on a different episode. He locked himself in the bathroom trying to wash blood from is hands. God, Touka, the signs were right there in front of me! Why didn’t I notice it then!?” Kaneki cries out. The albino-like ghoul cracks his knuckles repeatedly with no sign of stopping.

“Hey. It’s okay. We don’t know that yet. It might be from something else?” Touka’s not the best at comforting people. She’s nearly positive that what she just said wasn’t the best. A long whine from Kaneki proves that more. “Or it could be just the after effects of the night terror?”

“Yeah…” Kaneki doesn’t sound entirely convinced.

“Continue with the story, Kaneki, when you’re ready.” Touka rubs Kaneki’s back.

“Later on, when Hide calmed down and I was preparing breakfast, Hide was going to tell me something that he’s been too scared to tell me.” Kaneki’s trembling. Out of grief. Out of fear. Mainly out of rage. Whoever did this to Hide, if Kaneki is right about this, is going to pay dearly.

“What was it?” Touka urges Kaneki to continue explaining. The half ghoul shakes his head.

“I don’t know. He didn’t get to finish because a neighbor knocked on the door. They were returning mail that was accidently sent to them. When I brought up the conversation later, Hide didn’t want to discuss it anymore. I figured that I could wait for him to tell me himself, but if it’s because of the drug, then I don’t have the time to wait, Touka.”

“Okay. Okay. Shh. It’s gonna be alright. You could be wrong and just blowing this whole thing out of proportions.” Touka tries to comfort her friend.

“But what if I’m not? How many times has Hide gone through this? How many people has he killed?” Kaneki shakes Touka off. “I need to know. I got to go find him. If he’s in danger, then I need to be with him. I need to protect Hide.”

“I understand. I’ll cover your shift.”

“Thank you. Really, I owe you so many favors.” Kaneki stands up and unties his apron.

“Hurry up and go save your princess.” Touka waves him away. “And when you see that he’s perfectly fine and caused you to worry needlessly, I’ll have a little something special for the two of you.”

“That sounds too ominous for my comfort.” Kaneki laughs and tosses his apron on the couch, beside Touka.

The half ghoul wastes no more time and sprints out the back door and into the busy streets. He needs to know that Hide is safe. He needs to know that or else whatever remains of his sanity will be gone. Kaneki is so lost in his thoughts, that he misses a masked figure who’s watching him from the other side of the street.  

\---

Kaneki slams the door to Hide’s apartment open. His phone is squeezed in one hand. Hide won’t answer his phone nor respond to Kaneki’s texts. That’s not a common occurrence. He runs through his boyfriend’s flat, calling out his name and leaving no space unsearched. It seems that Hide’s been cleaning while Kaneki’s been gone. At least the blond is putting some use to his free time instead of slacking off. The ghoul finishes searching through the apartment with no sign of Hide.

“He must’ve gone to do some errands.” Kaneki says more for his sake than anything else. “I told him we’d go shopping together after I got off work. He’s not the best at striking deals.”

Kaneki locks the door and closes it behind him.

“Now which store would he go to? 7/11? No. That’s not Hide’s usual scene.” Kaneki talks to himself as he descends the stairwell and back into the streets of the city. He takes a big whiff and locks on to Hide’s scent. It’s faint, but very much there. “Hide, if I find out you’ve been hiding something this big from me, I’m gonna… Well… I’m gonna do something!”

Kaneki tracks Hide’s scent until the sun disappears and the street lights come on. With the lack of people on the roads, Hide’s scent is easier to pick out. A few times Hide’s trail goes cold, but the half ghoul always manages to pick it back up.

Hide’s scent has lead him to various places such as bookstores, music shops, and even clothing stores. Hide was having some him time which brings a smile to Kaneki’s lips. He’s happy that Hide is spoiling himself every now and then.

\---

Hide has been enjoying a day out for himself today. He got some new cds and hoodies. He even managed to get a book he knows Kaneki’s been eyeing at. Hide needed some fresh air and to get his mind off of the stress. All in all, it’s been a pretty decent day give or take. The blond pulls out his phone to check the time and curses under his breath. He forgot that his phone died. It’s always inconvenient when a phone dies. It’s never obvious how often a person stares at their phone until they can’t. Hide’s sure Kaneki’s been blowing it up since they were supposed to go grocery shopping together after Kaneki got off work.

“He’s probably back home waiting for me with a lecture.” Hide groans but can’t help the giggle that bubbles up his chest. Kaneki lecturing him? Some things never change.

Hide turns around but bumps into someone.

“Oh! Sorry.” Hide bows and looks up. There’s a masked man leering down at him. His grey hair is styled business like. The mask he’s wearing reminds Hide a little of _Phantom of the Opera_. The man is dressed nicely too. Almost butler-esque. Hide can only assume that this man is a ghoul. Why else would he be wearing a mask like that?

“Uh…is there a show going on tonight or something?” Hide tries to joke. The man doesn’t say anything. He just continues to gaze down at Hide. “Are you auditioning for that Purge movie by chance?”

Hide takes a step back, but the man follows. Why is it always creepier when the person doesn’t talk? It’s so unsettling and incredibly rude. If someone is going to kill Hide, they could at least go through the trouble of answering him. It’s called human decency.

“I’ll be going now. Good talk.” Hide turns to bolt but he’s slammed into an alley where no one can see them. Hide pushes himself to get back up despite the world spinning for him. “If you’re gonna eat me, at least make it quick.”

The man takes his time walking towards Hide. He reaches into is black dress coat and pulls out a syringe. Hide goes into a panic instantly.

“No! Please! I’ll pay you! I’ll do anything! Just keep that away from me!” Hide begs, scurrying further into the alley.

The ghoul remains quiet as he simply keeps Hide in his sight. He flicks the needle a few times to get his intentions across (as if they weren’t already made). As soon as Hide’s back hits a brick wall alerting a dead end, he feels a piercing pain in his neck. The ghoul got it over with and injected Sweet Pea into his system.

“No…” Tears form in Hide’s eyes. “I don’t want to eat again… Kaneki…” Hide absentmindedly calls out. “Kaneki! Kaneki!”

Hide tries to get past the ghoul but to no avail.

“Kaneki, please! Kaneki!” Hide cries.

“Hide!”

There’s the sound of footsteps running down the alley. It echoes off the narrow walls like a symphony. Hide freezes. His hope restored but the panic he feels also intensifies. Kaneki’s here! He’s going to see Hide like this! God, no!

“Kaneki. Go away!” Hide begs.

“What are you talking about? After you were crying out for me like that, there’s no way I’m just going to abandon you.” Kaneki stops and takes in the scene before him.

An older ghoul is towering over Hide, who’s backed against the brick wall. Hide’s crying and looking like he wants the world to swallow him up. The ghoul is one Kaneki hasn’t come across before. A new threat, which means a possible member of Genesis.

“Listen, I’m going to give you one warning to stand down.” Kaneki threatens.

“Or else what?” The man finally talks. It’s deep and has an old timey sound to it.

“Let’s not resort to that option, hm?” Kaneki cracks a knuckle. His eyes catch something glinting in the faint light. A syringe.

Kaneki’s body feels cold. Like someone dumped a bucket of ice on him. Did this man…?

“You bastard.” Kaneki whispers harshly. “You…”

Kaneki’s kagune are out in the blink of an eye. From there, a battle breaks out between the two ghouls.

“It’s an honor to be fighting the famous Eyepatch.” The ghoul says.

“The feeling isn’t mutual.” Kaneki thanks whoever’s out there that this ghoul is an ukaku user. He can wait out until the man loses stamina. Every so often, Kaneki glances at Hide to make sure he’s okay.

The blond is at war with himself. He’s trying to reject the drug but it’s slowly winning. His mind is a raging mess. He wants to give in and go under, but he can’t risk it.

‘ _Sleep._ ’ That voice croons. ‘ _Let Kaneki handle this.’_

 _“_ You got a name?” Kaneki asks after dodging a barrage of shards.

“Phantom.” He answers. “I am Phantom.”

“Well, Phantom, you’ve hurt someone very precious to me. I guess we will have to resort to that other option.” Kaneki cracks his knuckle and a rinkaku plunges into Phantom’s shoulder. Another one in the man’s abdomen.

The ghoul falls down onto a knee. He sends out more shards to make Kaneki let go of him, but the half ghoul takes it. There’s no way he’d let a couple of icicles distract him.

“Why are you targeting Hide?’ Kaneki asks. When Phantom doesn’t respond, Kaneki slices one of Phantom’s arms off. The ghoul nearly screams. “I said why are you targeting Hide? Answer me!”

Phantom laughs, blood dribbling down his jaw. Kaneki cracks another knuckle and is about to sever another limb but stops. Hide collapses on the ground, wheezing and twitching. Kaneki doesn’t let go of Phantom but goes to check on Hide.

“Hide, what’s wrong?” Kaneki asks. It’s obvious what’s wrong. It’s the drug.

“I need to get away from here. I can’t resist it forever.” Hide sounds so pained. “I don’t want to kill anyone again.”

“Oh Hide…” Kaneki whispers. He looks back at Phantom and clicks his tongue. He throws the ghoul against the wall after gutting him.

“Damn you.” Phantom coughs up blood. Any resemblance of grace and tact leaves Phantom’s demeanor. He sneers and tries to get up, but it only makes him cough up more blood.

Kaneki helps Hide stand up.

“I’ve got you. Come on. Let’s go home, yeah? Also, don’t think I’m going to let this slide. Once you’re better, we’re having a long talk. A _very_ long talk. Understand?”

Hide nods and leans against Kaneki for the most part. They slowly make their way out of the alley and into the streets. Kaneki has a lot of questions, but he’ll ask them once the drug has passed through Hide’s system. He’s not entirely sure what to expect. He knows only so much about the drug and what it does to people. They stop for a little bit under a street light so Hide can catch a breather. They’re so close to home now.

“We’re almost there, Hide. You’re doing so well. Just fight the drug a little longer for me, okay? We’re almost there.” Kaneki reassures.

He cups Hide’s cheek as if it was made of glass. Hide feels warm and sweaty, but he’s safe. He’ll never let Hide down again. The ghoul leans down and pecks the blond’s lips. Kaneki can’t help the smile that spreads across his face at the sight of Hide’s relieved grin. He’s safe. They’re safe.

“Hide, I-“ Kaneki is cut off.

It’s like time has slowed down to an agonizing speed. All sound has been blocked out. All senses are gone except sight. Hide still has a smile on his face while blood gushes and sprays out from his chest. The blood splats against the half ghoul’s face and clothes. The smile on Hide’s face morphs as the human coughs up a generous amount of blood. Kaneki’s eyes slowly move down towards Hide’s chest. A hand is speared right through it from behind.

‘ _Hide!_ ’ Kaneki wants to shout but he can’t find the strength to talk. He’s too in shock.

“Damned brat.” Phantom grumbles and yanks his arm out of Hide’s body and lets the blond crumble to the ground. Phantom licks Hide’s blood from off his hand and spits it out in disgust. “Not even your blood is appetizing.”

“Hide…” Kaneki collapses by Hide’s side. The blond isn’t moving. Lifeless eyes gaze back at him. The puddle around him is growing larger by the second. The half ghoul scoops up the blood and tries to put it back in Hide. He tries so desperately. Kaneki, in denial, shakes Hide’s shoulder. “Hide, get up. We need to go.”

The human doesn’t respond. Kaneki crawls closer and picks up the upper half of Hide’s body and cradles it to his chest. He ignores the way his clothes and skin are being dyed red. He ignores the ghoul who’s approaching him. All he’s focusing on is Hide’s crumpled body in his arms. Kaneki lets out broken sobs as he rocks his lover back and forth. They’re safe. They’re safe.

“Hide!” Kaneki wails. “ _Hide_!”

“Quiet!” Phantom roars and kicks Kaneki in the head. It forces the half ghoul to let go of Hide and skid back a few feet. Kaneki gets up shakily and stumbles back towards the blond. “Pathetic.” Phantom scoffs and sends Kaneki’s flying back again.

“Hide.” Kaneki wheezes and sits up. He crawls towards the blond desperately. “I’m not gonna leave you, Hide.”

“Give it a rest!” Phantom lifts a foot up and stomps it down on Kaneki’s skull. He stomps over and over again, all the while, Kaneki is reaching out to Hide.

“Why won’t you die!?” Phantom snarls and kicks Kaneki’s gut and the half ghoul crashes into a street light. Blood gushes from his mouth from the impact.

Everything is blurry. Kaneki’s ears are ringing. He needs to get Hide out of here. He needs to get up.

“I’m coming…Hide.” Kaneki wheezes and struggles to get back up. Try, he might, but his vision goes black. Everything is leaving him. All sense of time is gone. The last thing he hears is far away shouts and the sounds of fighting.


	6. Wake Up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been accepting the fact that these characters are going to be a little OOC, and I'm sorry.
> 
> Thank you for your support! <3
> 
> ///
> 
> “Are you deranged like me? Are you strange like me? Lighting matches just to swallow up the flame like me? Do you call yourself a fucking hurricane like me? Pointing fingers cause you’ll never take the blame like me?” – Halsey

**Previously**

-

_“Why won’t you die!?” Phantom snarls and kicks Kaneki’s gut and the half ghoul crashes into a street light. Blood gushes from his mouth from the impact._

_Everything is blurry. Kaneki’s ears are ringing. He needs to get Hide out of here. He needs to get up._

_“I’m coming…Hide.” Kaneki wheezes and struggles to get back up. Try, he might, but his vision goes black. Everything is leaving him. All sense of time is gone. The last thing he hears is far away shouts and the sounds of fighting._

-

Blackness.

Blackness is all that Kaneki can see, can feel, can embrace. He feels like he’s floating yet sinking at the same time. His limbs feel like lead but with the annoyance of static dancing inside of them. The ghoul is in an in between state of consciousness. He’s aware of this but isn’t making an effort of waking up. He’s not ready to face reality. The events that happened swirl around in his mind in slow motion, so he can see every detail of how Hide died. The way Phantom’s arm spears through Hide’s chest. The bone that shatters and the insides of Hide gushing out. The smile on Hide’s face. That beautiful smile. Kaneki watches this scene up until the light in Hide’s eyes goes out. He pauses the image, rewinds it to the beginning, and starts over again. These are Hide’s last moments. Kaneki knows that when he opens his eyes, it will be a sign of accepting Hide’s demise. Hide will be dead. Kaneki will have to face reality and walk this world without him.

“ _You need to wake up, Ka-ne-ki._ ” A voice say.

The darkness around Kaneki turns into a warm light. Kaneki’s filled with happiness and love. For the first time in a while, Kaneki feels alright. Hide is standing there before him with that famous smile of his. There’s a breeze that’s sifting through his hair.

“ _You need to wake up, Kaneki._ ” Hide repeats. It sounds almost echo-y.

“No. I want to stay here with you.” Kaneki takes a step towards Hide. He’s scared that if he gets too close, the blond will fade away.

“ _Kaneki, you don’t belong here. It’s not your time yet_.” Hide’s smile becomes a sad one.

“Then I’ll make it my time!” Kaneki shouts.

“ _No. You know I can never allow you to just give up, Kaneki._ ” Hide says.

“Then what am I supposed to do? A world without you is a world not worth living in!”

“ _And a world without you means that hope has died. Kaneki, this drug will continue to run rampant unless you stop it. You still have responsibilities. You still have people that care about you._ ” Hide says.

“But I need you, Hide. I’m nothing without you.” Kaneki’s voice is getting choked up.

“ _No. You are Kaneki Ken. You are the legendary Eyepatch, my best friend, and the love of my life. You are everything. You can do anything_ ” The warmth inside Kaneki intensifies.

“I can’t. It’s too hard, Hide. I don’t wanna go!” Kaneki runs toward Hide but no matter how much he runs, he never gets closer to the blond.

“ _Kaneki._ ” Hide’s stern voice brings tears to Kaneki’s eyes. “ _I’m not the only one that you need to protect. You can’t throw it all away because I’m dead.” Kaneki flinches. “There are families that will be destroyed if this drug continues to exist. You give up right here, I would never forgive you.”_

“I just…” Kaneki runs a hand through his hair to calm himself down.

“ _I know._ ” Hide walks to Kaneki, closing the distance between them. He cups Kaneki’s cheek. “ _You don’t have to say it._ ”

As much as Kaneki hates slapping Hide’s hand away, he does so.

“No, I have to, Hide, I have to or else I’ll go out of my mind.” Kaneki gets onto his knees and looks up at Hide. “I’m sorry Hide. I’m so sorry. I couldn’t protect you.” Kaneki takes Hide’s hands in his. He nuzzles and kisses them over and over as he continues his apologies. “You died when I was right there next to you. You died in the worst possible way, and I couldn’t save you. You were in my hands, Hide! I should’ve seen him. I should have made sure he was dead before we left that alley. I shouldn’t have ever left you alone when I became I ghoul. I should’ve been stronger. Dammit, Hide, I should’ve been stronger.”

“ _Stop it. You can’t do this to yourself, Kaneki. You didn’t know this was gonna happen. This isn’t your fault in any way. I don’t blame you. You have nothing to apologize for._ ” Hide takes his hands away from Kaneki’s and pets the ghoul’s hair.

“But-“

“ _You came for me when I called out to you. You saved me from Phantom. You helped me get away. You did everything you could for me.”_

“It wasn’t enough, though.” Kaneki murmurs. He wraps his arms around Hide’s waist and buries his face in the blond’s stomach.

“ _Ka-ne-ki._ ” Hide cups Kaneki’s face and makes the ghoul look at him. “ _I said I don’t blame you. I’m never going to blame you, but if you insist on begging for my forgiveness, then take it. I forgive you. I forgive everything. You have nothing to be shackled by. If anything, I should be the one begging for forgiveness._ ”

“Hide, no.”

“ _I should have told you about what’s been going on with me. I should’ve been honest with you. If I had, you wouldn’t be grieving right now. All of this is my fault, and I’ll be damned if I’m letting you take all the blame and scorn._ ” Hide brushes some hair out of Kaneki’s face and kisses his forehead.

“I love you.” Kaneki whispers. “I love you so much, and I’m sorry.”

“ _Still apologizing, are we?_ ” Hide chuckles.

“Well, you know how I am.” Kaneki attempts a small smile. Hide wipes away the stray tears from Kaneki’s eyes.

“ _I do. It’s probably my least favorite thing about you, but it makes you, you.”_ Hide gets on his knees like Kaneki. “ _I love you, Kaneki Ken. Never doubt that. I’ll always love you no matter what you choose to do from here on out._ ”

“Thank you, Hide.” Kaneki says. It’s like a huge weight has been lifted from his soul. Kaneki feels at peace. Hide always knows how to save Kaneki. He always knows how to help Kaneki get back up on his feet after he’s fallen. “Are you sure I can’t stay?”

“ _I promise you we’ll meet here again, but right now you need to wake up, Kaneki.”_ Hide kisses Kaneki and whispers, _“Wake up.”_

Kaneki’s eyes snap open and he gasps in a huge gulp of air. The lights in whatever room he’s in are blurry yet too bright at the same time. There are far away sounds that are slowly being tuned in better as Kaneki wakes up more.

“He’s awake!” A voice exclaims. Kaneki knows that voice. He struggles to sit up. His head is pounding while his body is screaming in agony. Kaneki groans out his discomfort.

“You shouldn’t be getting up so quickly. You may be able to regenerate, idiot, but it doesn’t mean you can be so reckless.” Kaneki knows that voice as well.

Eyes focusing on the scenery around him, Kaneki takes in that he is not in a hospital of any kind, nor is he at Anteiku. Everything looks expensive from the furniture in the room to the clothes Kaneki’s been changed into. The bed is massive and hardly takes up space in the room. Everything is colored in maroons, violets, and blacks. Not a usual color combination but who is Kaneki to judge? There are couches, chairs, and coffee table in the middle of the bedroom. Touka is sitting on a loveseat across from Kanae who is pouring her coffee. If Kaneki had to guess, this place probably belongs to-

“Mon ami!” Tsukiyama bursts through the door.

_Yep._

“You’re finally awake! It’s been three whole days since you’ve been brought here. I was so worried sick.” Tsukiyama wipes away a few nonexistent tears.

“Could you not be so loud? He just got up. With all the head trauma he took, I wouldn’t be surprised if he has a massive migraine.” Touka barks. She’s not really helping her cause.

Kaneki just watches the two argue. Tsukiyama says something snobby which makes Touka more annoyed and vicious. Kaneki would usually break up the fight between them, but their disagreements are the least of his concerns right now. Memories of that night resurface, crumbling whatever peace Kaneki managed to have. Hide’s dead, and it’s that ghoul’s fault.

“Where is he?” Kaneki asks. His voice is calm and icy. Everyone stops talking in the room.

“What?” Tsukiyama asks.

“Where is _he_?” Kaneki is annoyed that he has to ask again. He swings his legs over the side of the bed and stands up. He stumbles a few times but finds his footing eventually.  “Where is the bastard that murdered Hide?”

“Banjou is with him right now as we speak. Kaneki, I don’t think-“ Touka says.

“Tell me where he is.” Kaneki cuts her off. “Or I’ll find him myself.”

His eyes are so void of life. His voice is a calm before a storm. Kaneki isn’t offering any patience right now. He wants revenge. He won’t be satisfied until this man is dead.

“You can’t kill him.” Touka squares up. Kaneki narrows his eyes.

“He killed Hide. He doesn’t deserve to take another breath.” Kaneki’s voice still sounds calculated. Deadly. This is the SSS ranked ghoul right now. This is Eyepatch.

“Kaneki, he has valuable information about Genesis. We need him alive.” Touka reasons.

“There will be others. I’ll find them too even if I have to tear this whole city apart. But Phantom, he doesn’t get mercy.” Kaneki walks towards them. The ghouls block Kaneki from getting any closer.

“I understand, Kaneki, I do, but you need to get a grip. Think about this rationally. Killing Phantom before he tells us anything will be the stupidest decision of your life. Besides-”

“No. Letting that _fucker_ live for three days after killing Hide was the stupidest decision of _your_ life.” Kaneki growls.

“Did you just threaten me?” Touka asks in shock.

‘If you don’t step aside, then yes, I did.” Kaneki tries to walk around her but Touka blocks him off again. “Touka!”

“I’m not going to let you kill him, _yet_.” Touka says, placing a hand on Kaneki’s shoulder.

“Why are you protecting him?” Kaneki snarls, shoving Touka’s hand off of him.

“I’m not protecting him. I’m protecting Yoriko. I need to keep her safe. That ghoul has all the answers I am needing to do just that. I’m not letting you compromise Yoriko’s safety.” Touka says.

“I’ll keep her safe. _We’ll_ keep her safe, but that man can’t live a second longer, Touka. He took Hide away from me.”

“After we get everything we want to know from him, you can kill him to your heart’s delight, but Kaneki-“

“Fine. Then let’s get started.” Kaneki cracks a knuckle. “The sooner we get answers, the sooner I can butcher him in ways Jack the Ripper would be disgusted by.”

“Okay, but Kaneki-“

“Maybe it should be a slow death? Like starvation? No. Too boring. Woodchipper? Maybe.” Kaneki continues.

“Would you let me-“ Touka’s face is getting red.

“I will definitely have to screw up his mind. Maybe I can use a few things Jason did to me?” Kaneki taps his chin in thought. It’s like watching someone debate if they want a soup or a salad. It’s an unsettling thing to witness.

“Dammit, Kaneki, will you just shut up and listen to me?” Touka shouts. Kaneki blinks in surprise before giving her his full attention.

“What?” He asks.

“Hide’s alive.” Touka answers.

Kaneki’s eyes widen as Touka’s words sink in.

 “What did you just say?”  

“He’s alive, Kaneki. It must’ve been the drug, but the hole that Phantom put in his chest grew back. There’s not even a scar.” Touka says.

“Kimi is with him now. She’s been checking his blood and running tests.” Kanae pipes up for the first time.

“Is he awake?” Kaneki’s voice sounds so light. He’s dazed from the news. He was livid just a few seconds ago, and now his body is faint.

“Yes.” Touka nods

“Take me to him.” Kaneki straightens up. It’s taking everything he has to not breakdown right now. His mate is alive. He’s actually alive, and the only thing keeping him from seeing Hide is this room.

“I’m afraid I have to advise against that, mon cheri.” Tsukiyama says sadly. “We don’t know what his exact mental status is. He hasn’t spoken much, has hardly slept, and refuses to eat. It could be effects of the drug, or the fact that he almost died. Seeing you might trigger something.”

“Let me see, Hide now!” Kaneki snarls. He tries for the door again but is blocking this time by Tsukiyama. He doesn’t flinch when the half-ghoul snaps his teeth in warning. Kaneki isn’t above using force to make people move. If he has to gut Tsukiyama to see Hide, then he will do so without hesitation. That’s what makes this moment all the more dangerous. Kaneki is a wild animal right now, running on instincts and adrenaline. “I won’t say it again.”

“Shuu, maybe we should just let him be?” Touka worries. If She was in Kaneki’s position with Yoriko, she’d be acting the same way. Once you’re given something akin to the sun, you will give everything just to keep it shining. Hide is Kaneki’s sun. The sun almost went out, but now there’s news that it’s risen again. A new day.

“He needs to be resting and recuperating. Not running amuck in my house.” Tsukiyama crosses his arms.

“You don’t understand-“

“No, it’s _you_ who doesn’t understand.” Tsukiyama says sharply. “If I hadn’t arrived when I did, you’d be dead, and Hide would’ve been left alone in his drug-induced mess. You sustained critical injuries that took more than some meat and regeneration to heal. You were out for _three_ days, Kaneki. You need to assess the weight of this situation. This ghoul is strong. He knows your weak spot. Who knows what the other ghouls from his group are like? You can’t keep losing your cool when something happens to Hide. The stakes are too high.”

“I get that. God, do I get that, but I won’t rest easy until I know for certain that Hide is safe and alive with my own eyes. I need to see him, Tsukiyama. I need to hold my baby boy. Then I’ll do whatever is needed of me. I just need to see him. Please?” Kaneki is winding down now. Reason and logical thought are pushing out the primitive nature.

Kaneki wants to breathe in his scent. He wants to hear Hide’s heartbeat and the way he breathes in and out. The half ghoul wants to see Hide’s face blush when Kaneki does something Hide doesn’t expect him to do. Kaneki wants to hold Hide in his arms and tell him things like, “Everything is going to be alright” until Hide drifts off to sleep with his head on Kaneki’s chest. He wants to bury his face in Hide’s hair and kiss his head. So much time has passed between them. They’re still learning the new things the other has gained during that time. Kaneki is excited to relearn Hide and now he’s been given a second chance to try again. He wants to take all of his troubles away and be a foundation for Hide.

“I think Kaneki is what Hide needs right now. Kaneki is the most familiar with Hide. If anyone can get through to him it’s Kaneki.” Touka has become the voice of reason. “Plus, you know as well as I do that Kaneki is going to break out of this room one way or another. I’d prefer it to be on friendlier terms.”

Tsukiyama takes in a deep breath and holds it for a few seconds. He lets it out in defeat.

“Fine. We’re going to let you see Hide but be careful. He’s like a bomb that’s ready to go off.” Tsukiyama warns, turning towards the door. He misses the glare Kaneki sends him.

Kaneki knows how it feels to have people think that way. After his time with Jason and him returning to Anteiku, everyone walked around him as if he’d go off at any second. They treated him like cracked glass that will crumble if given another blow. It’s the worst thing to experience. It’s worse than the torture he received. The glances he got. The pity he was given. It was overall degrading. He won’t be like that for Hide. Not unless it’s needed. The blond needs a strong foundation right now, and Kaneki will gladly be that for him.

But to be fair, most of the people who have taken Sweet Pea have offed themselves not long after being taken into custody. Hide very well may be at that tipping point granted what happened three days ago. Tsukiyama’s caution about Hide isn’t that absurd given those facts, but who knows how many times Hide’s gone through this? Not that that makes the pain any less traumatic, but… Kaneki really needs Hide to answer his questions. They need to have a very long, serious talk.

The half ghoul eagerly follows the Gourmet with everyone else out of the room and into the extravagant halls. There were workers wandering around, doing their chores. Some would bow when the group went by.

“Did he try to eat anyone?” Kaneki asks, breaking the silence.

“No. By the time Hide came to, the drug had already worn off.” Touka answers.

“Thank goodness.” Kaneki sighs in relief. “If Kimi is here, does that mean Nishiki is too?”

“No. He’s working right now. I promised him I’d be looking after her while he’s away. He doesn’t exactly trust Tsukiyama yet.”

“I can’t say I blame him.” Kaneki nods.

They fall back into a tense silence.

Tsukiyama leads them down the corridor and into a different wing of the mansion. Probably the part where not a lot of the ghouls wander. Hide is in a nest of ghouls after all. He wouldn’t entirely be considered “safe”. With all the blood Hide was coated in, it was bound to stir some of the servants residing here.

The Gourmet slows to a stop in front of a door. He knocks a few times.

“One minute!” Kimi’s voice hollers from the other side. Touka turns to Kaneki.

“If you need us, holler. We’ll be out here until then, but I doubt you’ll need us. Despite what Tsukiyama thinks, I believe Hide’s just been worried about you. You two are pathetic without each other.” Touka teases.

“Yeah. I guess we are.” Kaneki has a small grin.

His heartbeat picks up in pace at the sound of footsteps approaching the door.

The door opens and Kimi’s face reveals itself. Her hair is pulled back into a short ponytail. She’s sporting a stethoscope around her neck. Her eyes widen at the sight of Kaneki.

“Oh! Kaneki, you’ve finally woken up. That’s great.” Kimi chimes. “I-“

Kaneki doesn’t really care for talking to Kimi right now. He’s on a personal mission right now. He grabs the door and pushed it open to step inside the room. It’s smells like a hospital despite it being another huge bedroom. The design and layout are practically the same as Kaneki’s room, just different color schemes. The half ghoul searches until he sees his blond sitting on the edge of the bed, looking out the window. He looks calm as he sits there, lost in thought.

Hide is alive. He’s so beautiful. This is so beautiful. For once, god is giving him a break.

Sensing his gaze, Hide looks over at Kaneki and gasps. He leaps off the bed.

“You’re awake…” Hide feels like a train smashed into him. He’s so relieved and so happy that Kaneki is awake. He’s been asking Kimi or whoever visited him about Kaneki. They’d all have the same sad smile and shake their heads.

The night from three days ago is a little blurry, but it’s not hard for Hide to put the pieces together. Kaneki did something stupid because Hide got hurt. Here he is now, though. Kaneki’s okay and came to see him. Kaneki’s here. He’s okay.

Tears well up in the blond’s brown eyes.

“Yeah, and you’re alive.” Kaneki takes in every detail of Hide. He looks exhausted and a bit pale, but he’s very much alive and kicking. Hide’s alive.

“Yeah. It’ll take a lot more to kill me.” Hide nods with a light laugh. The sound puts life back into Kaneki’s soul. Hide looks like he’s ready to breakdown and cry. They both made it through a horrifying experience. They’re together again.

“Kaneki!” Hide cries. He reaches his arms out for Kaneki.

Kimi had to jump out of the way when Kaneki charged into the room. He swept Hide up into his arms with the intent of never letting go. Kaneki cradled Hide to his chest as Hide wrapped his arms around Kaneki’s neck. The blond was crying while Kaneki murmured sweet nothings in Hide’s ear. To see Eyepatch so gentle and tender with Hide is almost unnatural to the others in the room. This is the SSS ranked ghoul, the ruthless killer and cannibal of the ghouls, cradling and kissing tears away from his precious human.

“You’re okay, Hide. We’re okay. They won’t hurt you again. I promise. I’m here. Shh. It’s okay.” Kaneki whispers and tangles a hand in the hair at the nape of the blond’s neck. He uses his other hand to wind around Hide’s waist securely. The ghoul holds Hide while the human sobs and gets snot all over Kaneki’s shirt. He doesn’t mind. He understands.

Kaneki uses this time to also check for any injuries on Hide. Anything that Kimi might’ve overlooked and missed. Content when he finds nothing, Kaneki carefully guides Hide back to the bed. The half-ghoul shushes Hide softly when the blond whines about Kaneki moving them around. He sits down on the bed and leans back against the headboard. Kaneki maneuvers Hide to sit in his lap and goes back to holding him. The ghoul rubs Hide’s back in slow circles as he continues to give the human reassurances.

Kaneki cries a little himself. It’s like a huge weight vanished from his heart. He feels whole again. He didn’t let Hide down. He’s been given another chance with Hide, and he’s not going to take it for granted. The Hide from his dream helped guide him to this moment. It seems that Kaneki can't escape his moral compass, even in his depressed dreams. Kaneki tightens his hold around Hide, enjoying the bundle of warmth against him.

Over time, Hide calms down and his breath evens out. The three days of no sleep catches up to the blond and he falls asleep. Kaneki continues to hold Hide until he too falls asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Follow me on Tumblr!
> 
> @BrandNewWings


	7. Enter the Crow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kyoki's fantasies and desires and a new character emerges.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the support! <3
> 
> Sorry that the chapter isn't that long. This one was also fighting me. 
> 
> (Huge warning of gore and mentions of rape!)

**Previously**

_“You’re okay, Hide. We’re okay. They won’t hurt you again. I promise. I’m here. Shh. It’s okay.” Kaneki whispers and tangles a hand in the hair at the nape of the blond’s neck. He uses his other hand to wind around Hide’s waist securely. The ghoul holds Hide while the human sobs and gets snot all over Kaneki’s shirt. He doesn’t mind. He understands._

_Kaneki uses this time to also check for any injuries on Hide. Anything that Kimi might’ve overlooked and missed. Content when he finds nothing, Kaneki carefully guides Hide back to the bed. The half-ghoul shushes Hide softly when the blond whines about Kaneki moving them around. He sits down on the bed and leans back against the headboard. Kaneki maneuvers Hide to sit in his lap and goes back to holding him. The ghoul rubs Hide’s back in slow circles as he continues to give the human reassurances._

_Kaneki cries a little himself. It’s like a huge weight vanished from his heart. He feels whole again. He didn’t let Hide down. He’s been given another chance with Hide, and he’s not going to take it for granted. The Hide from his dream helped guide him to this moment. It seems that Kaneki can't escape his moral compass, even in his depressed dreams. Kaneki tightens his hold around Hide, enjoying the bundle of warmth against him._

_Over time, Hide calms down and his breath evens out. The three days of no sleep catches up to the blond and he falls asleep. Kaneki continues to hold Hide until he too falls asleep._

**///**

Kyoki is working in the lab, goggles on and putting one hundred percent of his focus to his work. He’s been testing and modifying his drug, seeing how far he can push it to go. Some of the modifications ended horribly. Some did nothing at all, but the most recent development has shown promise. The subject becomes stronger, Sweet Pea lasts longer, and regeneration exceeds Kyoki’s expectations. The newest addition is the tough skin. Nothing can puncture the subject’s skin except for another ghoul or quinque. There are a couple drawbacks but that’s the price of progress. The withdrawals are more noticeable than before. The symptoms vary from person to person, but the evidence is still there. When the drug is perfected, the world will finally live in harmony. Everyone will be on the same scale of the food chain. No discrimination, only monsters. The world will be like Kyoki’s name.

_Crazy_.

For now, the drug is still in beta. It’s being sold to help fund this project. Kyoki needs to think of a way to advertise Sweet Pea overseas.

The ghoul is broken out of his thoughts by the sound of sniffling and whimpers. His eyes glance up at the wall of cages on the other side of the lab. Each cage is housing a human that Kyoki found on the streets. He offered them a home. All he requires in return is that they test the drug after his corrections. They have shelter and food and yet they constantly plead to be let out. He doesn’t know why they’re being so ungrateful for his kindness. Hide wouldn’t be like that. Hide would understand.

Kyoki sighs dreamily at the thought of his blond human. Oh, how he wishes he could be with him again. It’s been way too long since he’s held Hide. He misses the feel of him, the way he could trace every muscle and dip in the human’s skin, how his name sounded on Hide’s tongue, the thrill of Hide giving chase – trying to get away, and especially the way Hide looks while giving into the drug. Hide looks beautiful soaked in blood. The untamed wildness in Hide’s eyes. Kyoki praises himself for being so patient. With time, Hide will come to him seeking out bliss and relief from this horrible world. He will look to Kyoki for the help only the ghoul can provide him.

But there’s that damned Kaneki. Hide shared a night of intimacy with that half breed, and Kyoki can’t forgive that. Hide betrayed Kyoki, and it’s only right that Kyoki punishes Hide. It’s fair and reasonable that Kyoki hurts Hide a thousand times worse than Hide hurt him. Perhaps Kyoki could break Hide’s legs? It’s probably easier to just cut them off. What if they grow back after being given the drug? Is that possible? Kyoki will have to test that out later on one of his subjects. But it’d be worth it to see Hide in all that pain while the ghoul slowly saws off Hide’s legs one at a time just for the legs to grow back and start all over.

The image of Hide in that desperate state of agony has Kyoki panting and drooling. He shoves a hand down the front of his pants and imagines Hide even more vulnerable, even more pathetic. Kyoki huffs as he pictures Hide on the table in front of him and entirely at his mercy. Hide begging for Kyoki to stop and that it hurts, but they both know that Hide doesn’t want Kyoki to stop. Hide knows he deserves this pain. The Hide in Kyoki’s fantasy cries, making the ghoul shudder and pump faster.

“Mine. You’re mine, Hide!” Kyoki gasps. He hunches over the table and grips the edge of it with one hand as he powers through his session.

He wants to make Hide bleed. He wants to make Hide hurt. He needs to punish Hide for letting the rat trick him again. Only Kyoki is good enough, strong enough, and smart enough for Hide. The blond falling for Eyepatch is disgusting. Kyoki has never been more disappointed with the human.

Kyoki snarls and closes his eyes. He envisions wrapping his hands around Hide’s neck as tightly as he can. His fingers digging into skin. The choking sounds coming from Hide’s throat excite Kyoki. Hide’s hands struggling to make the ghoul stop. The scratching and crying. Hide’s eyes bulging as his face turns different shades of color. Kyoki has total control of Hide’s life. It’s literally in his hands. He squeezes harder and feels the way Hide’s bones whine and groan from the pressure. The human’s struggles become sluggish and weak. Hide’s hands drop down to the ground, so they’re sprawled out on either side of him.

This is what Kyoki’s been waiting for. This is the Hide he wants forever. Total submission. No more fight. While Kyoki does love a good chase, it can get tiring and old. Hide looks so broken and pitiful. He’s no longer crying out for help or for Kaneki.

A few more pumps and Kyoki is cumming into his hand with a feral roar. He bucks his hips against the table as he relishes his orgasm. He would give anything to be cumming inside his sweet Hide. After such an intense punishment like that, Kyoki would scoop Hide up in his arms and praise him for being such a good boy. He would give Hide the world. Kyoki would never hurt Hide unless he needed to. He would _punish_ Hide out of love and concern.

The deranged ghoul sighs in content before cleaning himself up. How much longer will it be before Kyoki can stop using his own hand and imagination? How long?

A door slams open and a woman comes in. She has long, bi-colored hair that trails down to her lower back. Half of it is snow white, the other half is bright red. Her eyes are golden amber. The ghoul goes by the name, Crow. Kyoki used to tease her about looking like a Todoroki reject, but the woman didn’t get the reference, so Kyoki stopped.

“Mei, what have I told you about barging in here?” Kyoki grumbles, throwing away the last of his mess.

“I’m sorry, Kyoki, but you know I’d only do this if it was an emergency.” Mei says. Out of all the members of Genesis, Mei is the only one who refers to Kyoki so casually. He never really allowed it, but the woman refuses to be so formal with him. No matter the threats or punishments, Mei didn’t break.

“Well out with it then. What’s so important?” Kyoki takes his goggles off and lays them on the table.

“Phantom has been captured.” Mei says. “He was apprehending Hide when Eyepatch came, and you know how quickly Phantom can lose his cool.”

Kyoki sighs and rubs his face.

“Great. Just what I needed. What about Hide? I assume Phantom was able to inject the drug into Hide before shit hit the fan?” Kyoki asks a little hopeful. Mei nods.

“Yeah. Phantom administered it to your betrothed before Eyepatch arrived on the scene. They fought, and Eyepatch ran away with Hide.” Mei says.

“Wait, then how did Phantom get captured?” Kyoki asks.

“During their fight, Eyepatch wounded Phantom pretty badly. Phantom was still able to follow them, though, and punched through Hide’s chest.” A warning growl filled the air. Kyoki is not pleased with Phantom’s actions. “If Eyepatch believed that Hide was dead, he wouldn’t try to find him. That’s what Phantom was thinking, I believe. It worked too. Eyepatch shut down and hardly put up a fight against Phantom if at all. Phantom incapacitated Eyepatch and was about to take off with Hide, but Eyepatch’s teammate, Gourmet, came in as backup along with Bunny.”

“Rabbit.” Kyoki corrects.

“Huh?”

“You said Bunny. She goes by Rabbit.” Kyoki explains.

“I hardly think that matters.” Mei rolls her eyes. “Anyways, they stopped Phantom and dragged him to Gourmet’s residence with Hide and Eyepatch as well.”

“Why didn’t you help Phantom?”

“And risk getting captured too? I’m not stupid. I wouldn’t have been able to help at all.” Mei says.

“Dammit.” Kyoki grits his teeth together. “It’ll be harder to get to them now. I doubt Phantom will reveal any information about us, though.”

Kyoki kicks a stool and it slams into the wall of cages. The humans scream and cry. The annoyances grate Kyoki’s nerves.

“Shut up!” He shouts at them. This only worsens their noise.

“That’s not all.” Mei says.

“What else could you possibly tell me to worsen my day?” Kyoki challenges. Mei looks at him with a blank face. She whistles, and a man comes in and throws a body on the ground in front of Kyoki’s feet.

The body is decapitated. The humans in the room gasp and gag at the sight. Kyoki looks unimpressed. He looks at Mei to explain.

“This is Rhino’s corpse. It’s a message from Aogiri Tree.” Mei answers. “Eto declined your deal.”

“She killed one of my men just to tell me no? I mean I like the style but it’s so rude, you know? It’s hard to find good help these days.” Kyoki shakes his head.

Mei narrows her eyes. Kyoki isn’t showing any signs of distress about the loss of one of his best men. He doesn’t seem that concerned about Phantom either. The feeling in Mei’s stomach is growing uneasy. Kyoki’s been getting more psychotic by the day. Maybe he’s been experimenting on himself? Maybe he’s always been that way and has been hiding it until now? Regardless of the answer, Mei doesn’t feel safe here anymore. She joined Genesis because it promised good intentions. Genesis is supposed to be a group that’ll make everyone equal and abolish the discriminations against ghouls. They are the symbol of an evolution. Her mistake was that she never really thought about how Genesis planned to do it. Not until now. The drugs. The experimentations. The obsession with Hide. Kyoki doesn’t care about a peaceful world. That’s his cover story. Kyoki’s main goal is this Hide fellow and now he isn’t even trying to hide it. Mei doesn’t know what Hide has done to get Kyoki’s attention, but she certainly isn’t jealous about it. First chance Mei gets, she’s abandoning this organization. It’s just another gang with no real goals with an insane leader who’s going to get all of his members killed.

“What are you going to do?” Mei asks. The body is starting to stink up the place.

“Since it seems that Aogiri doesn’t want to play with us anymore, we have to do things old school.” Kyoki smiles wickedly.

“What do you have in mind?” Mei is a little afraid to ask.

“I’m going to suggest a trade.”


	8. Collateral Beauty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The long awaited talk doesn't go entirely as planned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all the support! <3
> 
> This chapter is a lot longer than any of the other chapters. This chapter also fought with me the most. I'm not sure if I like this chapter or not, but I also know that I'm my own worst critic so... 
> 
> “Life is about people. At the end of the day, we’re here to connect love, time, death. Now these three things connect every single human being on earth. We long for love. We wish we had more time. And we fear death.” – Collateral Beauty

**Previously**

_Mei narrows her eyes. Kyoki isn’t showing any signs of distress about the loss of one of his best men. He doesn’t seem that concerned about Phantom either. The feeling in Mei’s stomach is growing uneasy. Kyoki’s been getting more psychotic by the day. Maybe he’s been experimenting on himself? Maybe he’s always been that way and has been hiding it until now? Regardless of the answer, Mei doesn’t feel safe here anymore. She joined Genesis because it promised good intentions. Genesis is supposed to be a group that’ll make everyone equal and abolish the discriminations against ghouls. They are the symbol of an evolution. Her mistake was that she never really thought about how Genesis planned to do it. Not until now. The drugs. The experimentations. The obsession with Hide. Kyoki doesn’t care about a peaceful world. That’s his cover story. Kyoki’s main goal is this Hide fellow and now he isn’t even trying to hide it. Mei doesn’t know what Hide has done to get Kyoki’s attention, but she certainly isn’t jealous about it. First chance Mei gets, she’s abandoning this organization. It’s just another gang with no real goals with an insane leader who’s going to get all of his members killed._

_“What are you going to do?” Mei asks. The body is starting to stink up the place._

_“Since it seems that Aogiri doesn’t want to play with us anymore, we have to do things old school.” Kyoki smiles wickedly._

_“What do you have in mind?” Mei is a little afraid to ask._

_“I’m going to suggest a trade.”_

**///**

When something tragic happens, it’s hard for people to open up about it. The reasons are different from person to person, but the casualty remains the same. These people want to talk, they want to tell their stories, but the thought of reliving the events through storytelling can be overwhelming. They are scared of the judgement. They are scared of being rejected and turned away. They are scared of being looked at differently and being a conversation piece behind their backs. They’re scared because it’s their reality. Admitting what happened validates the tragedy. They look at other people’s stories and assume that since it’s “not as bad” as them, then they’re being over dramatic. Pain is pain. It’s not something that can be forced to be better. It’s fickle. It’s tricky. It will never heal, but it will become easier to deal with. Pain makes people stronger. Pain teaches them lessons. Pain is a necessary evil that everyone has to deal with. When someone decides to talk about their pain, listen. There’s no telling how long they’ve been struggling to talk about it, and how hard it was to put it into action.

///

When was the last time Hide’s been able to get a decent night’s rest? He feels freer and less weight is on his shoulders.

‘ _More._ ’ The familiar voice whispers in the back of Hide’s mind. ‘ _We want more._ ’

Hide tries to ignore it the best he can. If he does respond to it, then he’ll only be encouraging it. 

There’s a slight annoyance hitting Hide’s nose. It stops for a few seconds before going back again. Hide wiggles and crinkles his nose to make it go away, but the perpetrator follows after it. Fed up, Hide cracks open his eyes and finds the culprit. Silver eyes are gazing down at him. Kaneki has a smug smile on his face.

“Rise and shine.” Kaneki says.

“Why am I not surprised by this?” Hide groans and rolls over onto his side, facing away from Kaneki. Kaneki grabs Hide’s shoulder and lays the blond back into his original position.  “There’s this thing called dreaming. I’d like to resume it.”

“Tough luck. You’ve been asleep long enough. We need to talk.” Kaneki uses his free hand to pin down Hide’s other shoulder. The half ghoul by now is hovering over the human. Any other time Hide would be turned on by this.

“Now? Oh, come on, Kaneki. Don’t ruin the good mood.” Hide says.

“Hide, I have a right to know what’s going on, especially after what happened four days ago.” Kaneki sits on Hide’s stomach.

“And what happened four days ago? Sorry. I’m a little hazy. Oh! We were going to go shopping for groceries, right?” Hide’s stalling.

The smile on Kaneki’s face disappears into a serious expression. The half ghoul tightens his grip on Hide’s shoulders. Shadows dance across Kaneki’s face, intensifying the mood.

“ _Hide_.” Is all Kaneki says. Hide knows that tone means that Kaneki isn’t playing around.

“I…don’t want to talk about it. I’m not ready.” Hide explains, rubbing the back of his neck, or at least tries too.

‘ _Running away._ ’ The voice coos.

“Well, you’re gonna have to be. I’m going to interrogate Phantom later, and I don’t want to find out things from him that I should’ve from you.” Kaneki’s frown deepens.

“I can’t.” Hide admits.

‘ _Can’t or won’t?’_

He knows he needs to talk to Kaneki. He knows that this is the time to do it, but something is keeping him from doing so. Kaneki has already seen him on the drug. The half ghoul knows that something is going on, but he’s still scared. Talking about it will make Hide accept that he’s not alright. That something is really happening to him that he can’t just ignore. Kaneki will treat him differently.

“Hide, I’m not going to interrogate you about this. You’re my boyfriend.” Kaneki sighs, letting go of Hide’s shoulders. His serious expression becomes softer. “Please, let me in. Open up to me. It’s lonely being locked out of the house.”

“Locked out of the house?” Hide asks, furrowing his brows.

“You’re my home, Hide, and when you shut me out I’m locked out of my home. Don’t leave me homeless.” Kaneki cups the side of Hide’s face. “I promise you that whatever you tell me won’t change how I feel about you. Nothing ever could. You accepted all of me and my baggage, so why wouldn’t I do the same for you? You’ve always done things on your own. This time I’m not going to let you.”

“Kaneki…” Hide whispers. Kaneki presses his forehead against Hide’s.

“Let me in, Hide. Please? Tell me what’s happened since I’ve left. I need to know, so I can protect you.” Kaneki kisses the corner of one of Hide’s eyes. “I wasn’t there when it all started, and I’ll admit that’s on me, but I’ll be damned if I’m not there to help you finish it.” Kaneki kisses the other eye. “You don’t have to go into detail. Just enough for me to understand. We can start small and work our way up. You can just give me a name. I’m willing to compromise, Hide. Just give me something.”

Kaneki’s lips travel to the corner of Hide’s mouth. His hands slide down the human’s arms and intertwine their fingers together.

The way Kaneki is touching Hide and kissing him, expresses all the love and concern the half ghoul holds for Hide. Not in the way that implies that Hide may break, but in that way as if Hide is Kaneki’s god. Loving Hide’s entirety. The half ghoul is cherishing Hide. Of course, Kaneki would know how Hide feels…well sorta.

Kaneki must’ve experienced fragile interactions with his friends after the Jason incident. People probably touched him like he’s glass. They had to have spoken to Kaneki carefully so not to set him off. While the gesture is sweet, the effects it has on the person is damaging. Kaneki just wanted to be back to normal life again. They were doing more hurt than good.

“Hide I _will_ interrogate you through other means if I have too.” Kaneki hums, biting Hide’s ear lobe. Hide can’t help but chuckle.

“I thought you didn’t want to interrogate me?” Hide teases, running his fingers through Kaneki’s white hair.

“I don’t, but I’ll do what I need to.” Kaneki kisses Hide’s throat.

“You’re just a big ole perv.” Hide sticks his tongue out. Kaneki is quick to nip it.

“Maybe, but you’ll definitely talk.” Kaneki smirks.

“That’s playing dirty!” Hide protests, pushing Kaneki’s chest with no luck.

“All is fair in love and war. Just tell me what I want to know now or else I’ll have to do this the _hard_ way.” Kaneki warns, playing with the hem of Hide’s sweatpants.

“I know you didn’t just make a pun!” Hide says, wide eyed. Kaneki shrugs and tugs on the hem. “Maybe this is a ruse! Maybe I want to do it the _hard_ way!”

“Then that’s a mistake on your part. Who said you’d enjoy it? Who said you’d get any release from it?” Kaneki hums, sliding a thumb under Hide’s pants and rubbing circle into his hipbone.

Kaneki’s eyes are intense yet playful. They’re analyzing everything Hide does from the gulp he makes to how Hide’s breathing pattern changes. They take in the small quirk of Hide’s eye brow and the slight facial changes the human makes as he thinks things over. Kaneki knows the best and fastest way to make Hide tick and what drives the human insane. It’s best to just get this over with. Rip it off like a bandade.

Hide opens his mouth to talk.

“Room service!” Kimi bursts through the door with a cart of food. The woman is hit in the face with a pillow. Hide could’ve sworn that he saw smoke escaping the pillow from the speed and force it was thrown with.

“I was working here! I almost had him!” Kaneki barks.

He rubs a hand over his face in exasperation. Why does this always happen to him? Every god damn time Hide’s about to speak, someone or something interrupts. It’s getting ridiculous, honestly. Maybe Kaneki should start locking doors? It’d be way more effective. Put a ‘ _Do not disturb_ ’ sign up for good measure. He’ll definitely have to do that later.

“Yeah? Well put a towel on the doorknob next time!” Kimi’s face is red. From blushing or the pillow, Hide isn’t sure. Probably both. “Hide needs to eat something. He barely ate while you were out cold. Maybe he’d be more willing to comply when he’s eaten and thinking more clearly.”

Kaneki clicks his tongue in annoyance and rolls off of Hide. He settles for lying beside him. The blond sighs in relief. Kimi is his hero. He’ll have to send her a fruit basket or something to express his gratitude.

“Fine. He can eat, but don’t think you’re off the hook, Hide.” Kaneki jabs a finger at Hide’s chest.

“If you keep trying to _interrogate_ me like that, I’m not sure if I wanna be.” Hide sits up for Kimi.

He rests his back against the headboard and looks around. The windows are open. The air in the room has long since become stagnate and stuffy and needed the circulation. Not much else has changed since he’s slept. The blond smiles at Kimi.

_‘More._ ’ The voice echoes.

“Right. The old ‘having sex with your partner to make them talk about their feelings and other stuff’ routine. A classic.” Kimi says, placing a tray on Hide’s lap.

There’s quite the selection here. Bagels, a bowel of different fruit, toast, jams and butter, bacon, eggs, sausages, rice, and a cup of coffee. Hide wonders how many times the cooks had to redo a dish because they themselves have never eaten or had to make human food before. Kimi must’ve taste tested everything. That or this is poison.

“Shut up. I panicked, and it was the first thing I could think of.” Kaneki blushes.

“Didn’t seem panicked to me.” Hide mutters, munching on a bagel.

‘ _More!’_ The voice repeats.

“You’re more open and honest when we have sex. It’s the best I could come up with when you wouldn’t talk.” Kaneki tries to defend himself.

“Have you thought about just waiting for me to tell you when I’m comfortable and ready?” Hide sounds irked. Kaneki and Kimi sense Hide’s sudden mood shift.

‘ _More! More! We want more! Blissful, happy, goodness!’_ The voice screams. Hide winces. This voice is shredding his patience thin. Ever since he’s woken up, the voice has become more aggressive with its presence. It won’t stop demanding more. ‘More’ what, Hide doesn’t know. ‘ _Yes, you do._ _Give it to us._ ’

“I already told you, we don’t have the luxury of that.” Kaneki rubs his forehead. He’s starting to get frustrated.

‘ _More.’_

“If we could wait this out, I would let it happen, but we can’t. Other people’s lives are at stake.” Kaneki says.

“So, I’m responsible for them now?” Hide snaps at the half ghoul.

He’s getting a headache. His head feels crowded and Kaneki’s prying is not making him feel any better. He just wants to go back to sleep. The blond sets his half-eaten bagel down on the plate. He doesn’t feel all that hungry anymore. The smell of the food is making him feel sick. He just needs silence to process everything. Now that Kaneki is okay, Hide can properly analyze what all has happened up to this point. He would if he was being given the time to think!

Hide gave Kaneki space when Kaneki became a half ghoul. He never pried and forced the truth out of him. He waited a year and some change. Why couldn’t Kaneki do the same? Sure, they’re on a time limit, but why not just a day to think? Why does it have to be now?

“If you keep withholding important information about this, then yes.” Kaneki crosses his arms. “As I’ve said, I’m going to question Phantom soon, and I want to hear things from your mouth before his. I don’t like finding things out about you from other people.”

“Looks like you’re going to hear it from him.”

That was the last straw for Kaneki.

“I don’t understand why you’re being so difficult! You’re being unfair and selfish!” Kaneki shouts. “I’m over here worrying about you and wanting to help, but you’re being stubborn and acting like a child and…and-“

“Hurts, doesn’t it? Having someone you care about suddenly not tell you anything and shut you out. Knowing that the person you care for is suffering and there’s nothing you can do about it because they won’t let you try.” Hide says, monotoned.

“Is that what this is? Pay back?” Kaneki asks in disbelief.

“It can be whatever you want it to be.”

“Guys, settle. Let’s calm down.” Kimi tries to lower the hostility in the room. “Hide is going through withdrawals, Kaneki. He’s not thinking rationally, and his emotions are hard to maintain. Don’t take any of this personally. I’m sure he’ll feel horrible about this when he calms down. He has a lot on his mind too. We all do. We may be pressed for time but there’s an allowance for having a day to just think things over and get ourselves together.” The two ignore Kimi.

“Are you really holding that against me? You said you understood why I did what I did.” Kaneki grabs the front of Hide’s shirt to make him eye level. The tray nearly knocks over.

“I do understand, but it doesn’t mean it hurt any less.” Hide’s eyes look lifeless as a smirk curls on his lips. “But you’d know about being hurt, wouldn’t you? That week with Jason must’ve counted for something rig-“

There’s a loud slap.

Hide’s face is turned to the side from the force of Kaneki’s slap. A hand print is already forming, and blond hair is covering Hide’s eyes. Kaneki has a hurt and angry expression on his face. Even his kakugan is activated. Hide spits a small amount of blood.

There’s a suffocating silence in the room. Kimi is covering her mouth in shock. She’s debating if she needs to call for Nishiki or anyone to pull them apart if need be. She’s never seen these two go at it like this. This is why she insisted that Hide eat and sort his mind before being asked questions. Now look what’s happened.

“That was a low blow, even for you.” Kaneki whispers. Hide doesn’t move an inch.

The room goes back to being dead quiet aside from the life going on outside the room. Neither of the young men move. Hide still has his face downcast from the slap, and Kaneki is glaring at him, waiting for the blond to say something. Kimi doesn’t dare to move.

“Is that all you have left to say to me?” Kaneki asks. Hide says nothing. The half ghoul sighs. “I see.”

Kaneki shifts around and gets out of bed. He fixes the sheets where he was laying and looks at Hide again. His anger has simmered. It’s replaced with something somber.

“Is it so wrong for me to want you to talk to me? Yes, I made a mistake in shutting you out, but I’ve learned from it, and I thought you did too. You keeping your silence makes you a hypocrite.” Hide twitches at the title but still refuses to look up at Kaneki.

Kimi knows that Kaneki understands. He knows that it’s hard to talk about your tragedies. Kaneki sees himself in Hide right now and that’s what frustrates him the most because it wasn’t supposed to happen to Hide. Never Hide.

“You’ve hurt me, Hide. Is that what you wanted? I’m hurting.” With that, Kaneki nods his head to Kimi. “Make sure he finishes his food.”

“I will.” Kimi nods back. “And Kaneki, he’ll come around. He’s just-“ Kaneki holds up a hand for her to stop talking.

“I know, Kimi.” Kaneki manages to give the woman a small smile. It’s fake. “I shouldn’t have pushed.”

He leaves the room, softly shutting the door behind him. The gentleness of the sound truly says how defeated the half ghoul is. Kimi stares at the door for a few seconds before looking at Hide. The blond is trembling before letting out a long whine. Tears are dropping on the bed sheets one after the other.

“I’m sorry.” Hide whispers. His breath hitches as the sobs wrack through his body. “I’m sorry! I didn’t mean it! I’m sorry! I’m sorry! I’ll tell you now! I’m sorry!”

Hide cries and wails for Kaneki, but the half ghoul never comes back into the room. He’s already left. The blond knocks over the tray from moving around hastily. It falls to the floor with a loud crash. A few plats break, and the food and drink splatter all over the floor. Hide crawls out of bed but never makes it off the furniture. He lies on his stomach, looking at the door in desperation. Hoping that Kaneki will appear.

Kimi hurries over to Hide and pulls the man into a hug. The two were both out of line. They weren’t ready to talk this out yet. Kaneki is too hasty in resolving this issue and was blinded by his protectiveness. Hide needed space. Hide is suffering from withdrawal and psychological torment. He’s not able to see outside of his own problems and look at the bigger picture. Will these boys ever find peace?

The woman rocks Hide and tries her best to comfort him.

“I’m sorry!” Hide sobs again.

He uses his palms to wipe his eyes, but it’s no use. The tears keep coming. The voice in his head keeps laughing.  

He didn’t mean to say that. He knows he’s in the wrong. Hide couldn’t control himself. It’s like something snapped in him when Kaneki kept prying. Hide wishes he could blame this on the withdrawal, but how much of it was it really? Now that Kaneki is gone, Hide wants to do nothing but tell the half ghoul everything. He wants to curl up against Kaneki and be completely open with him. Isn’t that how things usually go? You never know how much you want something until it’s taken away?

This whole thing has turned into a huge mess.

Hide sits there, crying his heart out until the servants have long since cleaned up the mess Hide made.  How did things turn out like this?

‘ _Give us more._ _We want Sweet Pea._ _It will fix everything._ ’

Everything?

‘ _Everything._ ’

///

Kaneki marches through the halls. To say that he’s pissed is an understatement. He should’ve taken Kimi’s suggestion and let Hide eat and think before bombarding the blond with more questions. It’s a sensitive topic for Hide. Kaneki should’ve known better than to force it out of him. Hide doesn’t normally talk about his problems anyway, so it’s probably even more difficult for him to begin with.

The half ghoul storms down the stairs to the basement where Phantom is being held. Kaneki wants to blow off some steam. He needs it. The albino reaches the base of the steps and glances down the corridor. It’s like Tsukiyama’s personal dungeon only more modern. There are doors every ten or fifteen feet. None of the rooms have windows aside from on the door. If Kaneki focuses enough, he can hear sounds coming from some of the rooms he passes. The half ghoul tries not to think about it too much.

The basement branches off into different corridors and passages the deeper Kaneki goes. The place is a labyrinth. It’d be unsettlingly quiet if it weren’t for Kaneki’s shoes clicking against the pavement.

Kaneki approaches the end of the…basement? Dungeon? There’s a door without windows in it like the others do. There is a huge one way glass window to the right of the door. Kaneki can see Phantom sitting there without a care in the world. He’s oblivious to the pain and complications he’s caused between he and Hide. His anger rises.

“He hasn’t spoken much since he’s been brought here.” Kaneki jumps at the sudden voice. He didn’t notice Tsukiyama and Banjou standing by the window.

“And I’m guessing that whatever he’s said is unhelpful?” Kaneki asks.

“Pretty much.” Banjou confirms. He gives Kaneki a concerned look. “Trouble in paradise?”

“I don’t want to talk about Hide right now.” Kaneki sighs and stands beside the two ghouls.

“Ah. A lovers’ quarrel.” Tsukiyama hums amused.

“He’s refusing to talk about it.” Kaneki runs a hand through his hair. “These people really must’ve shaken up Hide.”

“No shit. Add that with drugs and you have a paranoid masterpiece.” Nishiki says, walking towards them.

“Nishiki, nice to see you.” Tsukiyama bows, hand over heart.

“The feeling isn’t mutual.” Nishiki walks past Shuu and stands beside Kaneki.

“Sometimes you can’t force people to reveal what’s hurting them. If they aren’t ready, then they aren’t ready. If you force them then they may resent you.” Banjou says quietly.

“Yeah, I kinda learned that just now.” Kaneki rubs his face with a hand. “I just wish he would tell me everything that’s been going on. I wish it was that easy. This wouldn’t be so difficult. It wouldn’t be dragging on like it is.”

“I’m not disagreeing with you, but sometimes that’s just the way it is. He’ll come around. He loves you. That’s for certain.” Banjou places a hand on Kaneki’s shoulder in comfort. “He trusts you. Tragedy sometimes obscures that trust into fear. Retelling events makes people live through it again, but he will tell you.”

“I know that, but we don’t have time to wait this out.” Kaneki says.

“But if you force him, he may withdraw into himself more.” Banjou hums.

“That’s why I told Hide to just give me a word or a name to work with, so it would be easier. He wouldn’t even give me that.”

“Just have patience. You owe him that much. He’s given you more than enough of that.” Nishiki fixes his glasses.

They all share a comfortable silence as they gaze into the interrogation room. Phantom is staring back at them as if he knows they’re there. As if he can see them. The ghoul starts whistling a tune.

“So Phantom hasn’t said anything?” Kaneki asks, changing the subject.

“Nope.” Tsukiyama shakes his head.

“I’m going in then.” Kaneki heads to the door. “I’m sure I’ll be able to make him talk.”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.” Nishiki states.

“Why’s that?” Kaneki asks, looking back at the ghoul.

“With this whole Hide thing happening and with it not being resolved, Phantom will use that against you. He won’t tell you anything. He’ll just have you going in circles.”

“I’ll keep my cool.” Kaneki reassures.

“I’m not willing to take that risk.” Tsukiyama crosses his arms.

“Come on. Please? If things start to go south, then you can take me out.” Kaneki compromises. He grabs the door knob.

“I don’t like this one bit.” Tsukiyama sighs.

Kaneki smiles and opens the door. Phantom raises his head and a wide smile graces his face. His whistling gets louder before ending in a big grandiose. His hair is roughed up along with his clothing. Phantom no longer looks like an elegant, old gentleman. His behavior seems to agree with that statement. There’s no point in keeping up with the charade now that he’s been caught.

“Eyepatch! Just the man I’ve been wanting to see!” Phantom exclaims happily. His voice sounds a little rough from the lack of using it. “How’s your head doing?”

Kaneki closes the door behind him and walks towards the chained-up ghoul. Phantom is sitting in a chair, hands bound to the said chair arms and his ankles are bound to the chair legs. It’s reminiscent of how Kaneki was locked up with Jason. Phantom’s behind a metal table like you see in those crime shows. A single light dangling above them is barely giving them just enough light to work with.

“Not wanting to talk, huh?” Phantom asks.

Kaneki stays silent and pulls the extra chair out from the table across from Phantom. He cracks a knuckle in the process. He flips it around and sits in it backwards.

“How about Hide? Did the wound heal up okay or did the little tyke kick the bucket?” Phantom smirks when Kaneki’s eyebrow twitches. “Oh? Strike a nerve, did I? How are his withdrawals? They can be a bit nasty sometimes. Is he hearing voices yet? Is he foaming at the mouth? Some people who are going through withdrawal still crave human flesh. Has he eaten anyone yet, or at least in the terms of him not on the drug?”

The half ghoul tries to block out Phantom’s words. He can’t let the man get to him.

“Why are you targeting Hide?” Kaneki asks coldly. Phantom smiles wider but stays quiet this time. “Lost the energy to talk now?”

Phantom goes back to whistling that same tune. Kaneki stands up. He drags the chair towards the door and juts it against the door and handle, so the others can’t get in.

“Shit.” Nishiki whispers and bangs on the door. “Kaneki! Don’t do anything stupid! Keep a level head!”

Kaneki ignores the banging on the door and shouts from outside. His eyes zero in on his prey.

“Why are you targeting Hide?” Kaneki asks again, stalking towards the chained-up ghoul.

“Why? Hasn’t he told you yet?” Phantom has a smug grin on his face as if he knows what’s going on between the two.

Kaneki gives the ghoul a hard uppercut, sending Phantom backwards. The chair falls over, so the ghoul is lying on his back, still bound to the chair. The half ghoul walks over and stomps on Phantom’s face. He smiles when there’s the loud crack of a broken nose and maybe lost teeth. Kaneki pulls his foot away to reveal a bloody faced Phantom.

“Who is after Hide?” Kaneki growls. Phantom spits out blood and several teeth but stays silent. “Do you think that I’m above torture?”

The ghouls outside the room shudder at how icy Kaneki’s voice is. The albino pulls the chair up right and circles Phantom like a shark. He’s deciding the best course of action to get what he wants.

“We have to do something!” Banjou shouts.

“We can’t break the door down. It’s been designed to keep ghouls in.” Tsukiyama shakes his head slowly. “This is exactly why I was against him going in in the first place. Any mention of Hide and…” Tsukiyama makes a gesture of an explosion.

“Well congrats. Want a metal?” Nishiki grumbles.

“Kinda. Yeah.”

There’s a sharp scream from the bound ghoul. Kaneki just broke a finger. The half ghoul gently takes the next one. He murmurs something soft and low to Phantom. When the ghoul shakes his head, Kaneki frowns and sharply yanks the finger back. Phantom thrashes his head from side to side.

This goes on and on until all of Phantom’s fingers are broken and sticking out in various and unnatural directions. Kaneki moves on to Phantom’s toes with the same results. Phantom is panting. Sweat is dripping from his brow, falling into his lap. He may be a ghoul but he’s not a rinkaku user. His fingers will heal back to normal but slowly. Albeit incorrectly.

Kaneki has an eerie calm on his face. He’s sitting on the table watching Phantom. His legs are dangling back and forth like a child. He’s pondering and debating what he could do next to make Phantom talk. All the others can do is wait and hope that Kaneki doesn’t kill their only lead.

Some minutes pass and Kaneki hops off the table.

“Let’s start off easy. I assume you’re from Genesis. What’s your real name?” Kaneki asks.

Phantom slowly lifts his head. His eyes hold resolve and are hard like stone. He’s not going to talk.

“Have it your way.” Kaneki grabs Phantom’s foot and rips a nail off. Phantom shrieks. “I can do this all day, Phantom.” He rips out another nail. “You’re only making this hard for yourself. The longer your silence, the worse the torture will get.”

Kaneki is doing small yet effective strategies. He needs Phantom coherent enough to talk properly. The half ghoul doesn’t need him bleeding out either. Phantom’s shoulders shake, and he laughs.

“I gotta say. Your time with Aogiri brought you for this moment didn’t it?” Phantom cackles.

“Shut up.” Kaneki glares and grabs a bloody nail that was pulled out and inspects it. “This isn’t about me.”

“Oh, but it is. You’re a Jason junior. You know everything about torture from him.” Phantom smiles and blood dribbles from his mouth. This earns him a punch in the face.

“I’m nothing like him.” Kaneki hisses. “I’m nothing like that bastard who torments me even to this day.”

“You’re exactly like him. And I am too. I enjoyed seeing the fear in Hide’s eyes. I enjoyed making him squirm. I could feel the power and control I had over him, and it’s not just with him. It’s with other humans as well. We’re all the same, Eyepatch. Every ghoul is the same as all humans are the same. We can never coexist with humans. It’s just wishful thinking despite what sir says. We’re the same.” Phantom says. He receives another punch.

“You tracked down a defenseless man and forced him to take a drug. A drug that makes the user do monstrous acts. You’ve traumatized him! I would never do that!” Kaneki yells. “I would never!”

“Then what will you do to my leader when you discover who they are? What will you do?” Phantom tries to speak the best that he can. “Torture them? Break them? You’ll probably kill them at the end of the day.”

“It’s different.” Kaneki protests.

“Is it?” Phantom asks. “I see no difference.”

“I’m nothing like him!” Kaneki shouts, punching Phantom again.

“You and my leader are the same!” Phantom only laughs after each punch.

“We’re not the same! We’re not the same!” Kaneki punches Phantom over and over again. Blood is getting on his knuckles. “I’m nothing like him! I’m not!”

There’s the crack of a fractured jaw.

“We’re not the same!” Kaneki grabs Phantom’s throat and squeezes. He feels Phantom trying to breathe. He should rid the world of trash like this. He’s so pathetic. He hurt Hide. He doesn’t deserve to live.

“Then what are you doing right now?” Phantom wheezes.

Kaneki freezes and lets go of Phantom as if he was scalding hot.

“You hurt Hide. You’ve hurt so many people. I’m just cleaning the streets.”

“You’re the only one who can have a self-righteous mission? This drug is going to save us all. Sir is sure of that. I’ll follow them to the ends of the earth for his cause. Your way isn’t the only way that is right.”

“I’m not wrong.”

“I didn’t say you were, but you two are the same. You both want what’s best for the human and ghoul community. You’re just going about it from different angles.” Phantom spits out blood again.

“I would never hurt Hide or anyone like that.” Kaneki mutters. He thinks about the pain he _has_ inflicted on the blond.

“We’re just going in circles.”

Kaneki slugs Phantom one more time before turning to the door.

“I’m done here.” Kaneki huffs and removes the chair.

“Of course. I can’t wait to see you again, Eyepatch.” Phantom’s face is swelling. “I enjoy our talks.”

As soon as Kaneki is out of the room, Tsukiyama kicks him across the basement. The Gourmet walks to the half ghoul and grabs him by the front of his shirt.

“You’re done. I’m cutting you off. You’re not allowed back in there again.” Tsukiyama says and drops Kaneki on his butt.

Kaneki can only nod. He can’t blame Tsukiyama for that after what’s just happened. Kaneki lost himself in there. Phantom played him like a violin. He knew what would make the half ghoul tick and lose focus. One second Kaneki is torturing Phantom, the next, Kaneki is screaming in blind rage and anguish. Tsukiyama and Nishiki called it.

“You need to straighten things out with Hide before you even think about coming back down here.” Nishiki pats Kaneki’s shoulder. “I know I can hardly function when something is upsetting Kimi. It must be the same for you.”

“We didn’t part on good terms. I doubt he wants to see me.”

“Kaneki, you are his boyfriend. You don’t need permission to act like it.” Nishiki says.

Kaneki looks down.

///

Hide wanders down the corridor with a blanket wrapped around himself. It’s trailing on the ground behind him since it’s a bit bigger than him. It’s night time. The corridor is open to the outside like it’s a balcony. Pillars make up the makeshift window edges with a small wall fencing it in from the bottom. The night breeze is cool and refreshing against Hide’s warm skin. He needed to leave that stuffy room. He’s been in there for four days straight.

Since he’s left the room and interacted with a new environment, the voice has died down a bit. His jumpiness and anxiety has lowered. The…cravings are still there but manageable.

He’s been thinking a lot. How long is he going to cower? How long is he going to let Kyoki hold power over him? Every time Hide tries to talk about it, he can’t. It’s like something is keeping him from talking about Kyoki and the drugs. Hide didn’t do anything wrong. It’s not that traumatic. He’s just being over dramatic, isn’t he? He’s making this a bigger deal than it needs to be. Every single time Hide is about to disclose the information, something happens that interrupts Hide. It’s like god is saying “no”.

Each time he thinks of Kyoki, he thinks of how weak he was against him. All the lives he’s ruined for not being strong enough to fight the drug. How many times he’s had to scrub himself clean after waking up. The disgust he feels when he wants more of it. God does he want more of it.

He needs to apologize to Kaneki. The things he said was uncalled for. How could he bring up Jason like that? Kaneki was trying to understand, was trying to help Hide, but the human threw it back in Kaneki’s face. Hide really is the worst.

The blond stops with a sigh. There’s the hitch of a breath ahead of him and Hide snaps his head up. Did he run into a servant or some other ghoul? He sees white hair and silver eyes twenty feet away from him. The moonlight is illuminating the man’s features beautifully. The sight takes Hide’s breath away.

_Kaneki_.

The half ghoul must’ve come out here to enjoy the evening too. To clear his mind like Hide is trying to do. Kaneki turns to leave causing Hide to panic.

“Wait!” Hide shouts reaching a hand out to the half ghoul. Kaneki stops moving but keeps his back to Hide. “You don’t have to leave.”

_Really, Hide? Is that the best you can do? He was here first. If anyone should leave, it should be you._

“I-uh-I know you probably don’t want to see me, and I can’t blame you. I said and did some shitty things.” Kaneki turns his head a little to indicate that he’s listening. “I know I’m being over dramatic about my problems. They are nothing compared to what you’ve gone through.” Kaneki’s eyes widen at that statement. He faces Hide entirely now. “I know I’m being stupid in being so scared like this. I know I’m being irrational and selfish. I know I should just tell you, but I can’t. It’s so hard to put what I’ve gone through into words. If I tell you, then I’m accepting it. If I tell you, then it’s real. I don’t want it to be real, Kaneki. I don’t, and I’m sorry. I’m so sorry for being a coward.” Hide’s blanket drops to the ground when he covers his eyes with his hands.

“Hide don’t…” Kaneki closes the distance between them and wraps his arms around his boyfriend. “I never wanted you to feel like this. Your problems are valid. The way you feel is valid. Never compare your pain with somebody else’s. Whatever’s happened to you hurt you in more ways than one. You’re a victim, Hide, and it’s okay to not be okay about it. You are the strongest person I’ve ever met. You’ve gone through hell and back on multiple occasions, and you’re _still_ fighting. You’re still living, Hide. You are anything _but_ a coward. You are brave. So very brave. I shouldn’t have tried to force you to talk about it. I was so caught up in what was happening. I just wanted to make you safe again. I wanted to make you okay, but I hurt you instead.”

Hide sniffles and wipes his eyes.

“I wasn’t there before, Hide, but I’m here now. I will never let anything happen to you.” Kaneki rests his chin on Hide’s head. He breathes in Hide’s scent. “I’ll wait for you. I won’t pry anymore.”

‘ _Run away. He doesn’t mean it. He won’t be able to give you the relief that Sweet Pea can. He’ll take that away from us._ ’

Hide melts in his boyfriend’s embrace. Kaneki is here with him right now. Kyoki can’t hurt him anymore. No more injections. No more notes. No more looking over his shoulder to see if he’s being followed. No more sensations of eyes on him. No more waking up to gore. But that also means no more drugs. No more of that blissful release. No more happiness. Happiness? Kaneki is with Hide, he _is_ happy. Why would he even think that?

‘ _You don’t want to tell him because that means no more of Sweet Pea_.’

No. Hide doesn’t want anything to do with that drug or Kyoki ever again. He never did.

‘ _Why fight the truth? The withdrawals are worse now than before. That last dose was amaaa-zing. Better than any orgasm. Better than love. Better than warmth. Better than Kaneki.’_

Nothing is better than Kaneki!

‘ _Then tell him. Tell him all about Kyoki and the things you’ve done.’_

It’s not that simple.

_‘Of course, it’s not. Your silence will only make it worse and drive you insane which makes things easier for me. How can you fight me when you’re doing it alone? I’ll make you cave. I’ll make you break. I’m the you that wants the drug.’_

Shut up.

_‘We want to feel good again, Hide. Go find Kyoki and beg him for another dose.’_

Hide shakes his head to clear his thoughts but the voice keeps talking. It won’t go away.

_‘You need another dose. Get another dose. You need it, Hide.’_

The voice sounds like its slithering around him like a snake.

“Hide, what’s wrong? You’ve been silent for a while now.” Kaneki asks. Hide takes a deep breath. He can’t do this alone. Hide needs to toughen up and get this over with. The longer he puts it off, the worse it’ll be later. He’s ready. If Kaneki will be there to stand by his side when Hide faces reality, then he’s ready. “Hide?”

“Kyoki.” Hide says, clenching his hands into a fist. Kaneki pulls away from the hug with a confused look on his face.

“Excuse me?” Kaneki asks.

“The person targeting me’s name is Kyoki. Kyoki Kaze.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Follow me on tumblr! 
> 
> @BrandNewWings


	9. You’re My Spider-Man, I’m Your Gwen Stacy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A breath of fresh air before the storm hits.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me begin with that I am by no means a professional nor expert in the field of drugs and medicines. I did enough research to understand the concept of withdrawal and its effects as well as use some of my own experiences with it (I take Adderall for my ADHD. When I don’t take it, I usually get some withdrawal effects. Not fun). Some of the withdrawal effects Hide experiences are overly exaggerated for the purpose of the story and shouldn’t be taken as facts. Thank you. <3
> 
> Also, I’ve been thinking about what to write after this fanfic is finished. I’m thinking about a Peter Parker is tortured to become the next Winter Soldier fic. There is a lack of protective Bucky and smol peter fics that needs to be fixed. So yeah.
> 
> -
> 
> “Where do we go from here and how to forget and forgive? What’s gone is forever lost. Now all we can do is live.” – Vic Mignogna

**Previously**

_“Hide, what’s wrong? You’ve been silent for a while now.” Kaneki asks. Hide takes a deep breath. He can’t do this alone. Hide needs to toughen up and get this over with. The longer he puts it off, the worse it’ll be later. He’s ready. If Kaneki will be there to stand by his side when Hide faces reality, then he’s ready. “Hide?”_

_“Kyoki.” Hide says, clenching his hands into a fist. Kaneki pulls away from the hug with a confused look on his face._

_“Excuse me?” Kaneki asks._

_“The person targeting me’s name is Kyoki. Kyoki Kaze.”_

**///**

The sharp squeaks of two faucet handles signals of someone starting a shower. Hide pulls up the narrow piece of metal that transfers the water to the shower head. The said water pours down like rain onto the tiled floor. The blond holds his hand out under the water, testing to see if any adjustments need to be made to the temperature. A few turns of the knobs and the water becomes the perfect heat.

Hide then makes sure that he has his towels and boxers at the ready. He plugs in his phone to the charger and plays his favorite shower playlist. The human hops into the shower. The shower is one of those where Hide is not hidden safely behind a curtain. His privacy is determined by how much steam fogs up the glass that is hardly blurred to begin with.

Hide groans in bliss when the warm water melts away his tense muscles and clears his head. There are many different products for Hide to use. Shampoos and conditioners for different hair types and needs, body wash for exfoliating or for sensitive skin, shaving products, rags and loofahs, and so much more. He’ll get to the main process later. For now, Hide just wants to relax.

‘ _There’s an easier way to relax._ ’ Hide rolls his eyes and focuses more on the music to block out the voices. He hums and sways his hips.

“You say you love me. I say you’re crazy. We’re nothing more than friends. You’re not my lover, more like a brother. I’ve known you since we were like ten. Don’t mess it up talking like this. You’re only gonna push me away, that’s it. When you say you love me, that makes me crazy. Here we go again.” Hide sings along with the American pop song. It has a good beat to it that makes the blond dance away as he dampens the loofah sponge and dousing it in body wash.

“I hope you’re not singing about me.” A voice jokes from behind Hide.

The blond spins around, almost falling over, in time to see Kaneki stepping into the shower with him. The half ghoul has such a nice body. It’s unfair. Hide internally pouts.

“Of course, not but why are you in here? I thought you were going to talk to the others about the things I’ve told you?” Hide cocks his head to the side.

“I have. It was an hour and a half ago.” Kaneki snorts at the surprised face Hide makes.

“Have I entered a time deceptor? I just got in here!” Hide says, waving his arms around.

“It’s a very nice shower.” Kaneki shrugs and takes the loofah from Hide. “Now turn around so I can scrub your back.”

Hide does as he’s told, still in shock about the time he’s lost. Was he really spaced out for that long? The human feels the coarse object rub circles into his back. Hide enjoys taking a shower with Kaneki. It’s not always sexual. It’s usually just an intimate way for them to relax together. They talk and share some skinship.

“What are we going to do then?” Hide asks. He squeezes some shampoo into his hand and scrubs it into his scalp and hair.

“It hasn’t been decided yet. Banjou and Tsukiyama are going to question Phantom again with the information you’ve given me, but we’re all going to have a discussion later on today.” Kaneki answers. The half ghoul sets down the sponge and uses the extra suds on his hands to massage Hide’s neck and shoulders. The man really knows how to spoil Hide.

“Tell me all about it then when you get back.”

“What are you talking about? You’re joining the discussion. It’s going to pertain to you as well.” Kaneki’s hands wander under Hide’s armpits and around to Hide’s chest. The half ghoul’s fingers rub against the blond’s nipples again and again. Hide lets out a deep breath before batting the hands away.

“That makes sense.” Hide says.

_‘More!_ ’ The voice screeches.

Hide jumps.

‘ _Give us pleasure! We want happiness! Give us Sweet Pea!’_

Hide shakes his head.

_‘NOW!_ ’ The voice sounds like it’s right next to Hide.

“What’s wrong?” Kaneki asks, concerned. “You keep shaking your head and stuff.” Kaneki pauses then realization dawns on him. “Is it the voice?”

Hide nods. Last night, Hide revealed as much as he could to Kaneki before breaking down. He told him about Kyoki. About the drugs. What it was like to take the drugs and wake up afterwards. The withdrawals. The nightmares and night terrors. How he sometimes sees blood on his hands and can taste it in his mouth. Kaneki never interrupted him. Not once. He just held Hide and listened to everything Hide was willing to give him.

That night Hide felt like the weight of the world was lifted off of him. He didn’t feel so alone and helpless. Kaneki was there. Things were okay.  Kaneki was pissed as hell, of course, but he waited until Hide was done talking and felt reassured before smashing the huge, stone pillars into dust.

“I thought that maybe I’d be able to think properly with a nice, hot shower. I thought _maybe_ my mind would be clear like it usually would be. Isn’t that how it’s supposed to be? People take showers because they think best during them. That’s a scientific fact, and yet,” Hide doesn’t expect the sniffle he gives. “I can’t have a moment of peace without this damn voice whispering and screaming. It’s always there. It always says the same things.”

“What does it say?” Kaneki asks, lightly stroking Hide’s thigh with the sudsy loofah. He picked it back up at some point.

“It always wants more. More of that drug, Sweet Pea. It tells me hurtful things. It’s like the withdrawal took on the literal form of a devil on my shoulder, and it’s getting harder to ignore.” Hide runs a hand through his hair to gather himself together. He doesn’t want to lose it in front of Kaneki. Not again.

“Is that possible? I mean, I guess it is since it’s happening to you, but what you’re describing is borderline schizophrenic symptoms.” Kaneki winces at his bluntness. Hide nods again.

“Yeah. Kimi told me that there have been cases of things like this happening to people. She called it drug induced psychosis or whatever. I forget the specifics.” Hide tilts his head back against Kaneki’s shoulder. The albino wastes no time kissing the side of Hide’s neck. The blond closes his eyes and enjoys the sensations of Kaneki sucking on his skin.

“Anytime it gets hard for you to think, just let me know.”

“But what can you do, Kaneki?” Hide asks. “I don’t mean to sound harsh or rude, but what can you do to clear my head? The voice is there when I wake up. It’s there when I’m talking to you. It’s there when I go to sleep. The voice is _especially_ there when I’m asleep. It’s like the only way to stop it is to take the drug or blow my brains out. I’m being driven up the wall.”

“Hey. Hey. None of that. You’re doing neither of those things, you hear me? Taking the drug will only worsen it and give the voice more power over you, and blowing your brains out, well, I’d kick your ass in the next life.” Kaneki traces shapes on Hide’s lower stomach. “As for what I can do, I can listen. I know what you’re going through, Hide. When I first became a ghoul, I saw Rize everywhere. I could feel her too. I experienced the exact same thing you are experiencing now. I can help you get past this. I’m not going to lie to you and tell you you’re gonna get better. You’re not. I’m not. But I’ve learned how to cope with it and make the voice a background sound. We’ll get past this together. You and I are a team.”

“Heh. You’re like my Spider-Man.” Hide chuckles and turns around to face Kaneki. He wraps his arms around the half-ghoul’s neck. The water has flattened Kaneki’s hair, giving the illusion that it’s much longer.

“Spider-Man? That American superhero?” Kaneki arches a white brow.

“Yeah. You’re almost exactly like him.” Hide gives a big, toothy grin.

“How so? Humor me.” Kaneki slides his hands down Hide’s back and gropes the human’s bum. He pulls his boyfriend closer.

“Well, you both have a tragic past with family, sorry.” Hide apologizes quickly. Kaneki shakes his head as if saying it’s alright. “You both were changed involuntarily at a young age. You both have a strong moral code you live by. You both feel like you have a responsibility to protect everyone. You don’t kill unless it’s absolutely necessary.”

“That last part is debatable but go ahead.” Kaneki laughs.

“You both keep your identities hidden. You both swing around the city; him with his webs, you with your rinkaku. You’re both super strong and have heightened senses. You both have healing abilities. You were both the underdog before you changed into something powerful. You’ve got your villains. You’ve got your team. I know there’s more similarities, but I can’t think of anymore right now. I should’ve written them down.”

“Does that make you my Mary Jane?”

“Honey, I’m Gwen Stacy. I’m not your damsel in distress I’m Spider-Woman.” Hide clicks his tongue.

“Oh, of course. My mistake.” Kaneki smirks.

“It’s okay. I’ll forgive you if you kiss me.” Hide pushes their noses together.

“I think I can work something out.” Kaneki leans down and shares a few, short kisses with Hide. After each kiss, Kaneki pulls only a centimeter a way before going back in for another one. The half ghoul gives Hide’s ass a small squeeze, earning a genial sound from Hide.

“Thank you for calling me your Spider-Man. I’ll try to live up to the name more.” Kaneki bites on Hide’s lower lip and tugs.

Hide knows that things could get derailed quickly if they keep doing this. They haven’t had sex in a while. Hide hasn’t gotten off in a while in general, so it’s a safe bet that they’re both pent up. Hide turns back around to rinse off the rest of his body. He can practically hear Kaneki buzzing with growing excitement.

“What do you say we get a little more privacy, hm?” The half ghoul asks with a playful nip to Hide’s ear.

Kaneki reaches over, forcing Hide to slightly bend forward with the half ghoul, and turns the cold-water knob down a bit. Hide feels the dramatic change in the heat. The steam becomes thicker and shrouds the glass door.

“We just finished washing ourselves.” Hide goes to straighten up but Kaneki doesn’t budge from his position. Kaneki is still bent over the human. His hands are now splayed against the tiled wall as he oh so gently rocks his hips against Hide’s butt. The half ghoul kisses the back of Hide’s neck and shoulder.

“We can wash again, Hide. Tsukiyama’s water heater can last us _hours_.” Kaneki murmurs.

“Damn rich people.” Hide grumbles.

“I love it when you play hard to get, baby boy.” Kaneki removes one of his hands from the wall and wraps it loosely around Hide’s hips. “It makes it hotter when you can’t keep up the game anymore and beg me for more.”

Hide shivers despite the hot water and warm body pressing up behind him. Hide knows that Kaneki would never force him if Hide didn’t feel like it. They have a safe word too and everything else. The human does love playing hard to get though. He loves making Kaneki chase after him. The thrill of having a ghoul lust after him is a serious turn on. He enjoys challenging Kaneki’s strength and power in bed, and the half ghoul gets a thrill in showing off his dominance and keeping Hide in line. Hide found out that people like him are called brats, and Kaneki is called a brat tamer. Hide is still trying to figure out how he feels about the title.

///

  Everyone gathers in the common room. So far, it’s only Kaneki, Hide, Touka, and Nishiki who’ve shown up. Tsukiyama is in a meeting and will be there later. Kimi has her classes and job and won’t be joining the meeting. Banjou has his own personal errands to run. So, the present group are bantering and just hanging out until then.

“I’m hungry.” Kaneki looks at Hide as he serves Touka her coffee.

“Hungry? You just ate.” Touka says, taking the cup from Kaneki. “You need to eat _again_?”

“Yeah. That’s the thing with humans. We kinda need to eat. Did you think the saying _‘three meals a day’_ was just for show?” Hide cocks his head in amusement. Touka blushes.

“Humans are so primitive.” Touka mutters, sipping her coffee.

“What are you hungry for?” Kaneki interrupts them, sitting next to his boyfriend on the couch.

The room is pretty cozy to Hide’s surprise. He always thought that rich people had homes that felt unnatural. They were always clean and tidy and looked like a house on display somewhere. Their houses never looked like people actually lived there. Probably because they hardly do. Tsukiyama’s mansion isn’t like that at all. A fireplace is lit, illuminating the many stacks of books on the tables and shelves. Not everything is modernized and futuristic looking. Some of the covers and rugs look rustic and rundown. The atmosphere doesn’t make Hide feel like he needs to be uptight and careful. It’s homey. It’s cozy.

“Well, I don’t really want the workers here to stress over human food tonight, so why not just order and have it delivered?” Hide shrugs.

“Oh. Yeah. That could work. Dinner for you. Snack for us.” Nishiki nods.

“No. _NO._ You are not eating the delivery person this time.” Kaneki glares at the ghoul. Nishiki rolls his eyes and gets comfortable in the armchair.

“I _kinda_ want to know, but at the same time, I’m good.” Hide looks at them, shaking his head. “How did you idiots manage to become high ranked ghouls that have the CCG on its toes?”

The ghouls look at Hide and roll their eyes. Kaneki sighs and reaches into his pocket. He pulls out a cellphone and types in the password to unlock it.

“Usual place?” Kaneki asks, typing in the website.

“Yep.” Hide confirms.

Kaneki nods and scrolls through the screen. He finds the number and clicks off the website. The half ghoul pulls up the keypad and punches in the phone number. The worker answers, and Kaneki smiles. The half ghoul gives this borderline fake cheery voice as he talks on the phone. The same one Touka uses on her customers.

“What pizza do you want?” Kaneki asks, covering the microphone on the cellphone.

“Hawaiian.” Hide answers. Kaneki freezes. He slowly uncovers the cellphone.

“Give me one second. I’ll call you back. My boyfriend’s gone into hysterics.” Kaneki clicks a button, ending the call.

“What?” Hide asks.

“Hawaiian pizza?” Kaneki says.

“Yeah?” Hide is confused.

“As in pineapple and ham?” Kaneki arches a brow and places his hands on his hips.

“That’s usually what a Hawaiian pizza entails.”

“Hide, I don’t think we can be boyfriends anymore. It breaks my heart because we had something, you know? We understood each other, but...I can’t with this. It’s too much.” Kaneki sighs, shaking his head sadly.

“Love a man for his heart and not by the toppings he puts on his pizza.” Hide puffs up his chest proudly.

“But I can’t. His choices are disgusting and illegal in this household. It’s bad enough that you’re a drug addict, now this bomb shell? It’s too much.”

Everyone watching this freezes up at Kaneki’s words. Is it okay to joke about Hide’s tragedy and problems like that? Wasn’t that a little too far? Apparently not. Hide bursts out laughing with a cocky grin. Hide must be the type who jokes about their experiences as a way of coping and getting past it.

“It could’ve been worse. I could’ve done heroin.” Hide shrugs. “It’s a hell of a drug.”

“Uh-huh. You’re not that edgy, _bad boy_.” Hide wags his brows. Kaneki rolls his eyes with a snort and calls the pizza place again to put in the order.

“About the drugs.” Nishiki brings up.

Hide holds up his hand.

“I promise I will talk about it, but I want to eat something first. I stress eat.” Hide smiles.

///

When the pizza arrives, Hide holds true to his word. He tells them about his time with Kyoki and the drug. There are times where the voice tries to put in its two cents. Hide would always pause and have this look on his face. Kaneki knew what the dilemma was and rubbed circles into the small of Hide’s back. The blond talked and talked and talked. It was much easier for him to tell his story this time around after talking to Kaneki the night before.

The others never interrupted him unless they really couldn’t understand something. They knew Hide needed to talk. They wouldn’t ever say it, but they cared for the human. He managed to weasel himself into their hearts and make a home there. They know how much he means to Kaneki. The two ghouls hate that this has happened to the blond and pray nothing like this happens to their humans as well.

During the story, Hide spoke about things that Kaneki wasn’t told last night. Hide has a clearer mind and heart this time around and is able to recount things better. Kaneki held onto every word like it was gospel. When Hide finishes, the room is quiet.

Nishiki runs a hand through his hair and fixes his glasses.

“Wow. You sure know how to pick ‘em, Nagachika.” Nishiki whistles.

“I sure do.” Hide throws a pineapple slice at the ghoul.

“And now your withdrawals have taken form into this voice?” Touka asks.

“It’s hard to explain. I still feel awful. There’s still that nausea and sluggishness. It’s not just the voice, but it’s the most prominent thing. It’s kinda like what happens when a tragedy is too much for your mind to handle, so it goes into a defense mode.” Hide scratches his head.

“Like when people black out a memory?” Touka understands what Hide is trying to say.

“Something like that. Everything was happening at once. Kaneki leaving, school, work, Kyoki, the drug, and everything in between. My mind couldn’t keep up, so it made this voice. Does that make sense?”

“Sorta. When I crave meat, I have that little voice screaming at me to eat. You’re like that, but it’s been dialed up to a thousand.” Touka places her empty cup down on the table.

“I’ve never heard of withdrawals doing this.”

“Kimi says everyone suffers withdrawals differently, but this is also a new drug. We don’t know what’s in it to cause these reactions.” Nishiki pipes in. “Yesterday, Phantom was asking Kaneki about different side effects that Hide has not shown so far. It’s an unfinished drug.”

“Maybe.” Hide tosses his pizza crust into the box. “I have my good days and bad days. Today is a good day. My bad days are where I can’t find the strength to get myself out of bed. I want to be alone. I really want Sweet Pea. It’s horrible.”

 “Kyoki is going to die by the end of this.” Kaneki starts pacing in the room. The half ghoul is snarling with his kakugan flaring. He hates Kyoki. He despises him. Hide is eating another slice of pizza. “There will be no negotiations. No second chances. No prison time. He will die. That’s the only ending he’s going to get.”

“He’s broken so many laws and threatened so many lives.” Touka shakes her head. She props her feet up on the table.

“Yeah, miss the most important factor, Touka, which is that he hurt Hide.” Kaneki stops his pacing and throws his hands up in the air. Touka rolls her eyes. He’s always so dramatic.

“You guys know I’m still here...right?” Hide asks, taking another bite of his pizza.

“Shh, Hide, daddy’s talking.” Kaneki raises a hand up at Hide for his silence without looking at the blond. Hide chokes on his food at the title Kaneki addresses for himself.

“Um.” Hide’s face is bright red.

“A daddy kink, huh, Nagachika? I never would’ve guessed.” Nishiki snickers.

“UM.” Hide repeats, even more embarrassed.

“Hey, don’t judge. It’s a very common kink. “ Touka tsks.

“Are we really discussing this?” Hide wants the world to swallow him whole right now. He wants to die. He’d willingly take Sweet Pea if it meant getting out of this situation.

“Oh? Am I to assume you and Yoriko are the same way then?” Nishiki smirks. Touka’s jaw clenches.

“Yoriko? What happened with Yoriko?” Hide asks, mouth full of food.

“Angst over here finally made a move.” Nishiki looks smug at Touka’s expense. She’s horrible about discussing her personal affairs and feelings. The bespectacled ghoul grunts when Touka slams a throw pillow at him.

“Congrats, Touka.” Hide smiles. “I know you’ve been wanting this to happen for a long time.”

“Thanks, Hide. I feel stupid now for being so paranoid about it. I’ve wasted so much time.” Touka rubs the back of her head.

“Well, it’s happened, so you can make up for lost time. How did you ask her? How did she react when you told her you’re a ghoul?” Hide asks.

“Oy, save the gossip for later.” Nishiki says.

“Says the biggest gossiper in the room.” Touka rolls her eyes.

“She’s got a point.” Hide nods, crossing his arms.

“I take offense to that.” Nishiki frowns.

“Doesn’t make it any less true.” Touka shrugs.

“Glad I haven’t missed anything. Sorry I’m late.” Tsukiyama walks in with Banjou behind him. The latter nods to everyone in greeting.

“How was the meeting?” Kaneki asks.

“About how you’d expect.” Tsukiyama and Banjou take their spots. Banjou sits in the armchair across from Nishiki. Tsukiyama leans against the fireplace with his arms crossed. “So, we’ve been given invaluable information but another problem.”

Tsukiyama gets right to it. He’s blunt and straight to the point.

“Kyoki Kaze is the main suspect of putting together Genesis and setting a hit out for Hide. He’s posing a threat for the safety of every ghoul and human in this city. He’s trespassed on our territory, has made deals with Aogiri Tree, and his man attacked Kaneki. I have my resources gathering up as much information about Kyoki right now and will get back to you all when it’s ready. Phantom still isn’t talking, but I suspect that if we bring up Kyoki and tell him we have him in our custody, he’ll break. It should be uphill from here in the terms of gathering information. As for the main problem now,” Tsukiyama looks at Hide. “We don’t know when Kyoki is going to strike and how he will, but we do know that he will come for Hide during that time. Something tells me that Kyoki doesn’t care about his men that much, and will disregard Phantom all together. I could be wrong though. We need to teach Hide how to defend himself against ghouls.”

“What!? Hide can’t fight ghouls. He’s not physically strong enough.” Kaneki stands up in outrage. “He’s not fighting anyone.”

“I understand you’re worried Kaneki, but we don’t have the man power to babysit Hide, interrogate Phantom, patrol the city, and hunt down Kyoki. I’m sorry, but we don’t. Hide needs to know how to defend himself should the problem arise.”  

“But ghouls are stronger-“

“It takes more than strength to win in a fight. Hide, here, is incredibly brilliant with problem solving and formulating strategies. He can do what needs to be done.” Hide blushes at Tsukiyama’s praise. It’s weird seeing the Gourmet very serious and business like. He’s usually goofy and flirtatious.

“Fine, then I’ll teach him.”

“No, Kaneki, you’ll go easy on him, which isn’t what he needs. Touka will do it.” Shuu nods at Touka who nods in return.

“I’ll be careful with him, Kaneki.” Touka reassures.

“When did you become the leader, here?” Kaneki clenches and unclenches his fists.

“Your decisions are muffled up when it comes to Hide. You’ve demonstrated this several times. I’m not going to stick my neck out with the probability of it getting crushed being so high. We’re going to resolve this, and we’re going to resolve this right.”

Tsukiyama and Kaneki have a stare off for a very long minute. Their argument is continuing on with looks and small twitches. Kaneki desperately wants to be the one to protect Hide. He feels horrible not being able to before. The half ghoul feels like it’s his responsibility, but Tsukiyama has brought up very crucial points. Kaneki doesn’t think rationally when it comes to Hide, and the half ghoul would go easy on the human when teaching him how to fight. It’s the best course of action.

“Kaneki, stop. I agree with Tsukiyama.” Hide tugs on Kaneki’s shirt.

“What? Hide, no. It’s not right.” Kaneki reasons. He turns to look down at Hide, who’s still sitting on the couch.

“It doesn’t matter if it is or not. Kyoki is going to come for me. It’s inevitable.  I need to know how to fight and defend myself in case someone can’t get to me.”

“Then I’ll do it-“

“No, Kaneki.” Hide says sternly. “You’re not.”

“You’re going to get hurt.”

“At first, probably, but I’ll get better. If I’m learning properly then I won’t be getting hurt as much. I’ll be fine. Trust me.” Hide holds Kaneki’s hands. “Trust me.”

Kaneki lets out a long breath.

“Fine, but I’ll be checking you over and watching you progress.” Kaneki is pouting and Hide snorts. The blond brings their hands to his lips and kisses Kaneki’s knuckles.

“I wouldn’t have it any other way. Kaneki not being over protective? Japan would fall.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Follow me on Tumblr! <3
> 
> @BrandNewWings


	10. A Farewell

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “It’s been a long day without you, my friend, and I’ll tell you all about it when I see you again.” – Wiz Khalifa

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no excuse for why this is so late. Just laziness with a dash of apathy. I thank [ @kyuui-san ] and [ @timininimi ] for keeping me in line. Go follow them on Tumblr. They're cool people.
> 
> Follow me as well @BrandNewWings
> 
> Thank you so much for the support! <3

**Previously**

_“What? Hide, no. It’s not right.” Kaneki reasons. He turns to look down at Hide, who’s still sitting on the couch._

_“It doesn’t matter if it is or not. Kyoki is going to come for me. It’s inevitable.  I need to know how to fight and defend myself in case someone can’t get to me.”_

_“Then I’ll do it-“_

_“No, Kaneki.” Hide says sternly. “You’re not.”_

_“You’re going to get hurt.”_

_“At first, probably, but I’ll get better. If I’m learning properly then I won’t be getting hurt as much. I’ll be fine. Trust me.” Hide holds Kaneki’s hands. “Trust me.”_

_Kaneki lets out a long breath._

_“Fine, but I’ll be checking you over and watching you progress.” Kaneki is pouting and Hide snorts. The blond brings their hands to his lips and kisses Kaneki’s knuckles._

_“I wouldn’t have it any other way. Kaneki not being over protective? Japan would fall.”_

**///**

_Hide stops walking and stands before the man who’s thrown his life into a living hell._ _Kyoki smiles a perverse grin at the blond._

_“Welcome home, Hide.” Kyoki greets. His voice is warm and smooth like honey, but his eyes look cold and wild._

_A tear slowly rolls down Hide’s cheek._

_“I’m home.”_

///

“Okay, what flavor is this one?” Touka asks. She sticks a hard candy in Yoriko’s mouth. The human is blindfolded so to not see the color of the fruity candies. It’s a favorite game of theirs.

“Oh, that’s an easy one! It’s grape.” Yoriko giggles at Touka’s frustrated noises.

“Human food must be amazing. It always tastes the same to me when I try it.” Touka pouts. She wishes she could enjoy the foods that Yoriko eats. She wishes she could eat the things that Yoriko makes without having to throw it up.

“Maybe one day, someone will make a pill that’ll allow ghouls to eat human food? You never know.” Yoriko smiles and reaches behind her head to untie the blindfold.

“Don’t talk with your mouth full.” Touka playfully scolds.

“Whatever.” Yoriko rolls her eyes with a snort.

They’re sitting by the river, having a picnic. The day is perfect for such an event. It’s not humid or too hot. Not a lot of people are out and about. Making it even better. Touka tackles Yoriko and the two are sprawled out in the grass.

“How’s Hide’s training going?” Yoriko asks after shoving Touka off of her.

“Not too bad. He picks up on things quickly and his intuition is not to be trifled with. Hide’s not physically stronger than a ghoul, that’s obvious, but he strategizes and is light on his feet. Another week or two, Hide could be deemed a threat.” Touka holds her chin with her thumb and index finger. “Of course, Kaneki is driving me up the wall. After the first spar, he kept giving me glares and mouthing death threats. He’s mellowed out now, but the concern is still there. Watching Kaneki interact with Hide is cloying.”

“Oh hush. You’re the same with me, and you know it.” Yoriko sticks her tongue out.

“Yeah, but it’s different.” Touka is quick to defend. She has a huge blush on her face.

“How so?” Yoriko smirks when Touka sputters. The ghoul can’t come up with anything. “Exactly.”

“Shut up and eat your sandwich.” Touka grumbles and rolls onto her stomach.

They watch the river in a comfortable silence. The water is shimmering from the sunlight with calm ripples and waves. The breeze picks up and the leaves and grass sway together in harmony. In this moment, everything is how it should be. Everything is in peace. Yoriko nudges Touka.

“Hey.” Yoriko waits until Touka looks at her before speaking again. “Everything is going to be okay. No matter how bad a volcano erupts, no matter how much damage is received, that smoke and soot will settle. That lava will stop spreading. The sky will clear up, and what’s been lost and destroyed can be rebuilt again. Bad things aren’t forever, so you’re gonna train Hide. He’s going to learn how to kick Kyoki’s butt, and I’ll be waiting here to say I told you so.”

“What would I do without you?” Touka asks sincerely.

“I don’t know. Crash and burn?” Yoriko pecks Touka on the lips. Touka follows after those soft lips when Yoriko pulls away. The two share a sweet and intimate moment together as life all around them continues on.

///

Touka wanders back to Tsukiyama’s mansion later on. She feels refreshed after spending time with Yoriko. The human is her constant and rock. The day Touka confessed her feelings and being a ghoul, Yoriko welcomed Touka with open arms. It’s liberating. Touka understands how Kaneki and Nishiki feel now.

The ghoul steps foot into the hallway that leads to Kaneki and Hide’s room. She hears shouting and something knocking on a door. Touka carefully enters their room and sees Kaneki standing outside the bathroom.

“Hide, please let me in. It’s been hours. You need to eat something. Let me help you.” Kaneki beckons.

“I’m fine, Kaneki. Just leave me alone right now. I want to be.” Hide’s muffled voice replies back from inside the bathroom.

Kaneki opens his mouth to respond but catches sight of Touka standing in the doorway.

“Is it a bad day?” Touka asks. The half ghoul nods.

“He’s locked himself in there since he woke up from a nightmare this morning.” Kaneki chews on his lip in worry. “He won’t come out no matter what I say or do.”

“Have you tried giving him the space he asked for?” Touka walks to Kaneki’s side.

“I tried but I couldn’t do it. Hide’s hurting, and I can’t sit around doing nothing about it.” Kaneki looks at the door. There’s a few cracks in the paint from Kaneki’s excessive knocking.

“Come on, big guy.” Touka grabs Kaneki’s bicep tightly. “It’s time to give Hide some space. That seems to be the best thing to do right now.” Touka drags the half ghoul behind her.

“Wait! I can’t leave him like this!” Kaneki struggles to get out of Touka’s grip with no luck.

“Hide, I’m stealing your boyfriend for a few hours. I hope you don’t mind!” Touka calls over her shoulder.

“Thank you, Touka.” Hide’s thanks weakly.

“Touka!” Kaneki growls.

Touka keeps dragging Kaneki away from the room. When she deems that they’re a good ways away from Hide, she slams the half ghoul against the wall.

“Listen to me, Kaneki, and listen carefully. If Hide says he needs space, then give him space. We’re going to go downstairs to the living room until Hide calls for you or he comes to us. You can’t smother him like you were. I know you’re worried, but that isn’t helping him. I remember you being the exact same way as him.” Touka keeps direct eye contact with the half ghoul.

“That’s the point! He shouldn’t be like me, Touka. He shouldn’t. It was never supposed to be him. Never Hide. I don’t want to leave him alone again.” Kaneki sounds desperate.

“I know, Kaneki, but what’s done is done. It _has_ happened to Hide. You trying to atone your guilt isn’t going to change that.”

“I promised that I’d never leave him alone, that I’d always be there for him.” Kaneki ducks his head.

“Giving someone space doesn’t mean you aren’t there for them. Hide knows that he can come to you for anything. Right now, Hide needs to work things out in his head. You’ll see.” Touka smiles.

When Kaneki nods, Touka lets the half ghoul go.

“Now then, let’s go have some coffee.” Touka hooks her arm around Kaneki’s and leads the way.

///

Hide sighs in relief when the door closes. As much as he loves Kaneki, he doesn’t want to be around him right now. His mind is too much of a mess. He can’t worry about Kaneki and himself at the same time at the moment.

_‘Disgusting. You’re disgusting.’_

Hide sits on the floor and rests his head back against the wall. That nightmare felt so real. He can still envision how Kaneki’s blood felt on his skin, the dead look in his silver eyes, and the taste of him on his tongue. Hide covers his mouth at the thought and dry heaves into the toilet. He’s already vomited everything in his stomach this morning.

He was laughing in the dream. He was happy to be killing Kaneki, and that’s the scariest thing Hide’s experienced in his life.

_‘You know how to make the fear go away.’_

Then there’s the parts that aren’t a nightmare. These voices. These cravings. It feels like no matter what Hide does, they’re never going to go away. This will haunt him for the rest of his life. This fear will live for as long as Kyoki is alive. What if he runs into the families and friends of those he’s killed? What would he do?

_‘Let them kill you! It’s only fair.’_

Is it though?

The voice inside Hide’s head has managed to twist Kaneki’s words around to benefit it.

_‘He said I’d never go away. It’ll never get better. You’re in hell!’_ The voice cackles.

“It’ll get better.” Hide mumbles.

_‘Will it though? Look at us. Look at what we’re in. There’s no coming back from this. There is never coming back from this. It’ll never get better. It never does. Why else would I still be here?’_

Hide sits back against the wall again. He hugs his knees to his chest and rests his forehead against his knees. He just lets the voice keep talking. Maybe there’s some logic to this madness?

“Well aren’t you a sight for sore eyes.” A voice teases.

Hide whips his head around. How did someone get inside without him knowing? There, sitting on the window ledge was a young woman with hair half white and half red. Her eyes are a striking amber. If Hide had to describe her in one word, he’d say ‘angelic’.

As soon as their eyes lock, something in the woman’s expression changes. She looks at war with herself for a split second before her face becomes clean of such distress.

“Who are you? How’d you get in here?” Hide’s voice is scratchy.

“Isn’t it apparent? The window was open, so here I am.” The woman cocks her head. “The name’s Mei.”

“You work here?” Hide asks.

“You could say that. Can’t talk too much about my position, kid.” Mei winks and hops down from the ledge. “I hear you’re having troubles. Wanna talk about them?” She crouches down in front of Hide.

“Did Kaneki set you up to this?” Hide grumbles.

“Believe me, I don’t care for him, no offense. I’ve never even spoken to him. I just happened to overhear some people and thought that maybe I could help.” Mei gives Hide a smile. “We may not know each other, but I find it easier to talk because of that reason. No judgement here either. Won’t coddle you if that helps, even if you do look like a puppy.”

Hide stares at her for a long while and sighs. Why not?

“I’ve just been going through some stuff. I woke up from a nightmare this morning and can’t relax. I haven’t had a bad day like this in so long.” Hide is as vague as possible.

“Well whatever you’re going through, I know it’ll become easier as time moves on. It always does.”

“But how can you know for sure?” Hide blurts out. “Everything seems to keep getting worse and worse!”

“Isn’t that how it always is? It gets worse before it gets better? It’s like when you stick your hand under running water that’s a bit too hot. You change the temperature to make it cooler, but there’s that split moment where the water gets even hotter before turning cooler.”

“You’re a little weird.” Hide furrows his brows at Mei. What kind of analogy was that?

“Maybe.” Mei laughs and tousles Hide’s hair. “When I was little, I was adopted into a human family. They knew what I was and still cared for me like I was one of their own. I grew to learn that I was one of their own. Blood has nothing to do with family. Years went by and I was given a little brother. He followed me everywhere and wanted to be just like me. He was a total geek.” Mei smiles fondly at the memory. “They were all for making ghouls have equal rights. My family was ridiculed and scorned for having ideals like that. One night, some extremists threw molotov cocktails into our home and destroyed the life I managed to make for myself. My little brother died from the explosions. My father died shielding my mother. My mother kept screaming at me to remember that not all humans are like this and to never become the things that humans make ghouls out to be. I couldn’t save her in time.”

“I’m so sor-“

“No. I didn’t tell you that story because I wanted pity. I told it, so you could see that even after all of that, I’m still here. I’ve moved on but keep them in my memories.” Mei points at a handmade necklace that’s around her neck. A small crow pendant dangling from the string with two beads on either side of it. “My little brother made this for me, and I never take it off. He said it was a lucky charm that will protect me always. So far, it seems to work.”

Mei reaches around her neck and unclasps it. She gets closer to Hide and drapes it around his throat.

“Mei, what are you doing? You just said your brother made this for you.” Hide protests, swatting her hands away.

“And now I’m passing it on to you. I won’t need help from it much longer and would prefer it to be with someone who needs it.” Mei stands up and walks towards the window. “If you’ll excuse me, I have an objective to finish. I hope you the best for you, Hide. I’m sorry for everything that’s happened to you.”

“Wait!” Hide gets up. “I can’t accept this!”

Mei turns around and kisses Hide’s forehead.

“You remind me of him. I won’t let him down a second time.” Mei whispers.

“What?” Hide’s eyes widen when something slams into the back of his neck. Hide’s vision goes dark and he collapses in Mei’s arms.

“Kyoki’s terror has gone on long enough.” Mei rubs Hide’s back. She picks him up and carries Hide out of the bathroom. Mei places the blond on the bed. “For a moment, I forgot my promise to never be the evil ghoul. You helped me remember that.”

She stares at him while thinking back to Kyoki’s orders.

_“Your mission is to bring back Phantom and Hide. Hide is your top priority. If you can’t retrieve Phantom, then so be it, but if you come back without Hide, though, your life will be forfeit. Failure will not be tolerated. Being empty handed will result in your death, Crow. Am I understood?” Kyoki is walking around Mei like some hungry shark. “This task should be easy for you. I’ve seen you break in and steal things in even worse conditions. Any excuse you tell me will be over looked and ignored.”_

_“What if I bring back Phantom?” Mei asks._

_“What did I say, Mei?” Kyoki stops in front of Mei. His crazed eyes boring down into Mei’s. ”If you come back here without Hide…”_

_“I’ll die.” Mei finishes._

_“That’s a good girl. Now run along! Time’s a wasting!”_

Mei thought the mission would be as easy as Kyoki said, but they were both wrong. The moment Mei locked eyes with Hide, her heart melted, and any malice she held was gone. He was a broken boy that didn’t deserve to be anymore destroyed. The way he looked at her reminded Mei of her little brother. The way he spoke and the way he cared for others was so like her brother. Mei can’t bring herself to abduct Hide. How would she be any better than the people who killed her family? This isn’t about gaining equality anymore. She refuses to help in something so twisted.

Mei kisses her index and middle fingers and pats the necklace around Hide’s neck.

“Take care of him, little brother.” Mei whispers and brushes hair out of Hide’s face. The ghoul straightens up and heads for the window again. “It’s time for me to come home.”

///

Hide wakes up groggy. He sits up, rubbing his head. What was he doing again? Wasn’t he in the bathroom? He stares at the clock which reads, four in the afternoon. He was out for two hours. The blond looks around and hears a jangling sound. He grabs at his chest and feels a necklace there. Memories flash through Hide’s mind. That’s right! Mei!

The blond looks all around and there’s no sign of the ghoul. The way she spoke... Hide doesn’t have a good feeling about it.

There’s a knock at the door.

“Mr. Nagachika, I brought some food.” A worker calls out.

Hide swings his legs over the edge of the bed and stands up. He feels better than he has all day. He needs to thank Mei the next time he sees her. Hide makes sure he’s presentable and answers the door. A woman with a tray of food is standing there. She looks much older. Probably in her sixties or seventies. The ghoul gives Hide a gentle smile.

“You need to eat sometime, sweetie.”

“Thank you.” Hide takes the tray from her. “Where is everyone?”

“Downstairs in the living room. That Kaneki is very worried for you, dear.” The woman frowns.

“I know. I’m going to go eat with him now.” Hide smiles. The worker nods and goes on her way to do another task. He starts walking but then stops. He turns around to ask the woman about Mei, but the woman is already gone.

Hide’s shoulders slump, and he goes downstairs where everyone is. Kaneki sees him and is the first one to greet him. The half ghoul’s hands cup Hide’s face and turns it every which way.

“How are you? Feeling better? I see you have food so-“

“Kaneki, space.” Touka warns from behind Kaneki. She’s still sitting on the couch.

“Right. Sorry, Hide.”

“No, it’s fine. I’m doing a lot better actually. Just hungry.” Hide lifts his tray a little as if to further his point.

“I bet. Come on. Let’s get you set up at the table here.” Kaneki guides the human to the couch and places the tray on the coffee table. “Where’d you get that necklace?” Kaneki asks, eyeing the said necklace.

“A worker gave it to me. It’s very special.” Hide beams proudly. “I still need to thank her.”

“We can do that later tonight if you want? What’s her name?” Kaneki asks, sitting as close as possible to Hide.

“Mei.” Hide shrugs. “She’s pretty cool.”

“I’ll ask Tsukiyama about her.” Hide nods in content and starts eating.

“How did the date go with Yoriko, Touka?” Hide asks trying to break the rest of the tension in the room.

“Oh, was that today?” Kimi asks. She’s snuggling with Nishiki on the love seat. “You have to tell us all about it!”

Touka blushes but begins telling them about her day. Banjou bursts into the room, looking sweaty, pale, and shaken up.

“Banjou? Banjou, what’s wrong?” Kaneki asks, getting up from the couch. Nishiki follows his lead.

“It’s Phantom! He’s broken out! We don’t know where he is!” Banjou shouts. Everyone is alarmed and about ready to bolt in search of the ghoul, when a phone rings. Everyone becomes quiet and looks at Kaneki.

The half ghoul pulls out his phone from his pocket and reads the caller ID. It’s an unknown number. Kaneki stares at everyone before answering the call and putting it on speaker.

“Hello?” Kaneki greets.

_“Hello, Kaneki. It’s so nice to finally talk to you. I believe you have something that belongs to me.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are only two or three more chapters left!


	11. A Goodbye

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I’m heavy, my jumpsuit is on steady. I’m lighter when I’m lower. I’m higher when I’m heavy. I’m so high. My jumpsuit takes me so higher. I’m flying from a fire, from Nico and the Niners.” – Twenty One Pilots

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the support! <3
> 
> Sorry for the long wait.
> 
> I don't know about you all, but I'm so stoked about the new Twenty One Pilots music! 
> 
> Follow me on Tumblr: @BrandNewWings

**Previously**

 

_Touka blushes but begins telling them about her day. Banjou bursts into the room, looking sweaty, pale, and shaken up._

_“Banjou? Banjou, what’s wrong?” Kaneki asks, getting up from the couch. Nishiki follows his lead._

_“It’s Phantom! He’s broken out! We don’t know where he is!” Banjou shouts. Everyone is alarmed and about ready to bolt in search of the ghoul, when a phone rings. Everyone becomes quiet and looks at Kaneki._

_The half ghoul pulls out his phone from his pocket and reads the caller ID. It’s an unknown number. Kaneki stares at everyone before answering the call and putting it on speaker._

_“Hello?” Kaneki greets._

_“Hello, Kaneki. It’s so nice to finally talk to you. I believe you have something that belongs to me.”_

 

* * *

 

Everyone becomes still. Everyone becomes deadly quiet. Hide’s breath is caught in his throat. Why now? Flashbacks of Hide’s time with Kyoki run repeatedly through the blond’s head. That voice makes Hide’s skin crawl. He whimpers and clutches onto Kaneki’s hand. The ghoul is shocked but quickly gives the human’s hand a squeeze.

‘I’m here.’ Kaneki mouths in hope of reassuring his boyfriend.

The half ghoul gestures to Banjou to record this conversation. He clears his throat.

“So, you’re the notorious Kyoki?” Kaneki hums.

_“I see my reputation proceeds me.”_ Kyoki chuckles. _“Put Hide on the phone. I need to talk to him.”_

“This fucker’s got pretty big balls to be making demands after what he’s done to Nagachika.” Nishiki arches a brow and secures an arm around Kimi. Even though it’s just a phone call, Nishiki isn’t taking any chances with Kimi’s safety. If Kimi went through what Hide did, it would break her. Nishiki would never forgive himself.

“Listen, when I find you, you’re dead, or at least you’ll wish you’ll be. I’m going to tear you apart, but I’ll never let you die because that’d be too easy of an end for you. You’re going to rot in a cell and every single day of your pathetic life, I’ll be there to make it a living hell.” Kaneki growls. His ghoul eye flares up from his anger.

_“Careful with that temper, Kaneki, I don’t want to do anything rash.”_ Kyoki taunts.

Hide’s stomach twists in disgust. This situation is too surreal for him. He feels like he’s going to throw up. He lets go of Kaneki’s hand to rub his temple, then his chest. Kyoki’s found a way to contact him. Kyoki is going to get him. He’s here. He’s going to drug Hide again! Blood! There’s so much blood! Countless bodies at his feet. The wretched taste of flesh in his mouth. Kyoki’s touch slithers around his body.

Why is his vision getting dark? Why isn’t Hide getting enough air? His lungs are burning. He can’t breathe! Someone! Kaneki! Hide reaches a hand out and another hand grabs it. It directs Hide’s hand to a firm chest. He can feel a steady heartbeat under his fingers and palm. There’s a distant voice talking to him.

“That’s it, Hide. Breathe with me. In. Out. In. Out. Slow, deep breathes. There you go. I’m here. It’s okay. I’m here. In. Out. In. Out,” Kaneki’s gentle voice calms Hide down from his panic attack. His vision becomes lighter. An overwhelming exhaustion takes over him. Kaneki uses his free hand to thumb away the tears from Hide’s eyes. “You’re okay, Hide. We’re okay.”

Hide leans against Kaneki, and the half ghoul wraps an arm around him, securing him tightly. The blond rests his chin on Kaneki’s shoulder. The white haired male kisses the side of Hide’s head and turns his attention back to the phone.

“I will not rest until I’ve tracked you down, and you’re on your belly like the snake you are.” Kaneki promises.

_“As much as I enjoy listening to your kinks, I don’t have the time for you right now. I just wanted to know if my precious boy is safe.”_ Kyoki sounds bored. Not threatened by Kaneki whatsoever.

“No thanks to you,” Banjou speaks up.

_“Listen, let’s just cut to the chase. You have something that I want. I have something you want,”_ Kyoki says.

Everyone looks at each other in confusion. Nothing seems missing.

“ _Confused?”_ Kyoki asks. Hide can practically hear the smile in the ghoul’s voice.

There’s a moment of silence, and then there’s shuffling and high-pitched whimpers. The voice that is heard changes everything about this situation. Kyoki’s become desperate enough to sink even lower. To drag in innocent people who have nothing to do with this is unforgivable.

_“Touka?”_ Yoriko calls out over the phone.

“Yoriko!” Touka gasps. Her fists clench, teeth gritting.

_“Touka, it’s dark. I don’t know where I am.”_

“It’s okay, baby. I’ll save you,” Touka tries to comfort her girlfriend. “I’m coming.”

_“Touka-“_ Yoriko’s voice is cut off as the phone is ripped away from her.

_“I think I have your attention now,”_ Kyoki says.

“Kyoki, you bastard! Let her go now! She has nothing to do with this!” Touka barks.

_“Give me Hide and she’ll be on her merry way.”_

“You’re not getting, Hide. Meeting him once was enough of a mistake on my part. You’re never touching him again.” Kaneki growls.

_“Then I guess we’re at an impasse. I’ll make it even more interesting then. I’ll give you twenty-four hours to bring me Hide. If you fail to do so, or try to pull any tricks, this sweet girl is dead.”_

The room erupts in an outrage. Kaneki lets go of the blond to argue with the others. Hide watches in despair how Touka screams and is fighting her own oncoming panic attack. Kaneki already feels like the group’s leader. He has it in his head that Yoriko’s life is his responsibility. If the half-ghoul lets her down, he’s letting the whole team down. This is an innocent girl who’s gotten herself in the center of a catastrophe, and it’s all Hide’s fault. He never should’ve approached Kyoki that rainy day.

But how could he have known what Kyoki was like? How would he have predicted this as an outcome? It’s not his fault that this is happening. It’s not!

_‘But it is. This is entirely your fault. You’re the reason Yoriko is in Kyoki’s hands. It’s all you. You’re the one he’s after. It’s your fault. Yours!’_

No! No one would ever blame Hide for this! It’s all Kyoki’s doing!

_‘That’s because they already pity you, but Touka will always resent you. You’re a stupid human. You should’ve stayed away from Kaneki. Now look what’s happened. Everything you touch is destroyed and coated in blood.’_

Hide clutches at his head and squeezes his eyes closed. The others are still arguing with Kyoki over the phone. Touka’s broken out into tears. Kimi is trying to comfort her. Nishiki and Banjou are arguing over what needs to be done. Hide feels so small right now. He feels like a child standing before an angry riot. This is tearing them apart.

He’s the cause of this. He needs to take responsibility.

“I’ll do it,” Hide says. No one hears him, so he clears his throat and speaks louder. “I’ll do it!”

The ghouls and one human stop moving, stop talking, and look at the blond. Even Kyoki goes silent on the other end of the line.”

“What did you say, Hide?” Kaneki breaks the silence.

“I said I’ll do it.” Hide squares his shoulders and puts on a brave face.

“You can’t mean that. I won’t let you do something so stupid.”  Kaneki frowns at his boyfriend.

“It’s not your choice to make,” Hide’s voice is calm and even.

“If you go, Kyoki will kill you!” Kaneki gets in Hide’s face, angry.

“And maybe he won’t. Look, Yoriko’s life is on the line. Touka’s girlfriend. She shouldn’t be apart of this fight. If I can save her life, then I’ll gladly trade mine in. If Yoriko dies, that’s on no one else but me,” Hide smiles sadly.

“Hide, I’m not letting you do this either.” Touka speaks up. “I’m touched that you’d go so far for Yoriko, but what about Kaneki? Think about how he’ll feel if you do this. Do you really want him to be heartbroken like that?”

Hide’s heart sinks. Of course, he doesn’t, but he…

Kaneki steps closer and tangles a hand in Hide’s hair. He presses their foreheads together as if forming a mental link.

“We’ll figure this out, and we’ll do it together. No one is going on a self-sacrificing mission. Got it?” Kaneki breathes.

 “You’re a good kid.” Banjou smiles at the couple. Kaneki deserves all the happiness he can get. He will protect Hide until his last breath.

_“Twenty-Four hours. The exchange will be at the old plastic factory. No tricks or Yoriko will be dead before your foot touches the factory floor.”_ Kyoki hangs up.

The line hums.

“What are we gonna do? Our hands are tied here,” Nishiki crosses his arms.

“We fight,” Kaneki answers.

“You heard him. If we try anything, Yoriko is as good as dead,” Nishiki says.

“Our options are doing nothing, handing Hide over, or fighting Genesis. That call was a war declaration. He’s expecting us to fight. Otherwise he would’ve told Hide to come alone and all that cliché jazz. I have a feeling that Kyoki wants to fight me personally. I have to say that the feelings are mutual. We’ll strategize tomorrow morning when our heads are clearer.” Kaneki cracks a knuckle then looks at Hide. His eyes narrow. “And _you_.” Kaneki picks Hide up and throws him over his shoulder like a bag of potatoes. “You’re coming with me. We need to have a _talk_.”

Hide blushes bright red. Kaneki is pissed about Hide’s little stunt earlier. The ghouls look at Hide with pity. Kimi shakes her head as if she knows how Hide feels and what’s to come next.

The half-ghoul carries Hide upstairs and to their room. He locks the door behind him, so they wouldn’t be disturbed. Kaneki drops the human on the bed. Hide hardly bounces before Kaneki is crawling over him. The half ghoul’s mouth is on Hide’s in a heartbeat. His shirt is being ripped apart due to Kaneki being impatient. He pushes Hide’s legs apart and hooks them around his hips. Hide can feel Kaneki’s arousal through his pants.

“You mind telling me what’s going on in that silly, little head of yours?” Kaneki’s voice is sugary sweet. He leaves open mouth kisses along the human’s throat. Hide shivers. He’s always heard of angry sex. Where couples have sex after an argument and stuff. He’s heard that it can be the most intense and passionate sex ever. Hide can’t imagine what it’s going to be like with a _ghoul_.

“Yoriko being captured is my fault,” Hide whispers. He yelps when Kaneki bites his neck.

“It’s not. I’ve been down that path before. It’s not your fault,” Kaneki murmurs and trails his kisses down to Hide’s chest. The blond jolts when lips latch onto a nipple.

“B-But-“

“Did you give her to Kyoki?” Kaneki asks.

“No.”

“Did you tell Kyoki to capture her?”

“Of course, no-ah!” Hide’s head falls back against the pillows when Kaneki presses his hips flush against Hide’s.

“Then it’s not your fault. Kyoki is a deranged man who uses innocent girls as leverage. It’s not your fault.” Kaneki slides Hide’s pants off. Well, more like shredded them, but yeah. “Do you understand me, Hide?”

“Y-Yeah.” Hide licks his lips.

“Good boy.” Kaneki pulls away to pull off Hide’s underwear.

Hide’s mind is becoming cloudy and hazy. Kaneki knows how to play Hide like a violin. He can feel Kaneki’s hot mouth back on his skin. It travels lower and lower. The half-ghoul’s hair brushes against him. Expert fingers trace his body and massage muscles.

“When you volunteered to go to Kyoki, my heart nearly stopped.” Kaneki’s breath is hitting Hide’s twitching cock. Hide wants to pull Kaneki’s mouth onto him so bad, but he needs to behave. “I don’t know if I can forgive that, Hide.”

“I-I’m sorry, Kaneki.” Hide stutters. Kaneki kisses Hide’s weeping head before wrapping a hand around his dick. Hide hisses and bucks his hips up to receive more friction.

“No,” Kaneki doesn’t take it slow. His strokes are erratic and fast. Kaneki sucks and licks at Hide’s tip lewdly. Hide can’t catch his breath. His hips try to match Kaneki’s thrusts but it’s just not possible. “That’s not good enough for me, Hide. I want to hear you scream for forgiveness.”

“Wait! You’re gonna make me cum too fast!” Hide warns, but Kaneki ignores him. He locks his mouth on Hide’s head and uses his tongue to do things that shouldn’t be legal. The blond’s eyes roll up, and he comes undone. He shoots ropes of cum into the half ghoul’s mouth.

Hide pants and twitches as he comes down from his climax. Kaneki continues to suckle on the tip until no more cum comes out. Hide looks down at Kaneki with lidded eyes. Kaneki isn’t done though. The half ghoul slides up Hide’s body while his strokes never stop, never falter. He continues to jerk Hide off.

“Wait, Kaneki. It’s too much right now. Too sensitive,” Hide wiggles his hips away but a growl from Kaneki freezes Hide in place. The half ghoul brings out a rinkaku tendril to pin Hide’s hips down. He can’t get away from the onslaught of pleasure. The only thing that Hide can do is dig into Kaneki’s back and hold on for dear life.

Kaneki’s expert hand twists and squeezes in ways that take Hide higher and higher. The human’s toes curl. Drool starts to dribble down his jaw. Kaneki’s intense gaze won’t look away from Hide. When the blond approaches his second orgasm, he closes his eyes and turns his head away. The half ghoul’s free hand grabs Hide’s jaw and forces Hide’s face to look at him.

“Open your eyes, Hide,” Kaneki says in a low voice. “I want to see you.”

Hide struggles to crack his eyes open. Steel, grey eyes bore into his. They’re watching every move Hide makes. Another rinkaku comes out and pokes at Hide’s entrance before sliding inside of him. The blond cries out. Kaneki’s hand squeezes tighter and focuses on stroking Hide’s head vigorously.

“Hide, again,” Kaneki orders, and Hide cums on demand. His body convulses during the violent orgasm. Hide’s back arches way off the bed. The half ghoul releases Hide’s now limp cock and licks his hand clean. He makes sure to keep eye contact with the human to show how much he loves his taste. Hide feels a heat in his groin at the sight. The rinkaku retracts from inside Hide.

Exhaustion takes over Hide, and his eyes become heavy. Just when sleep is a breath away, Kaneki flips Hide onto his stomach and props the blond’s knees up so his ass is in the air.

“Did you think I was done?” Kaneki growls, grabbing Hide’s throat. “You still have to go several rounds with me.” Hide can feel Kaneki’s erection sliding against his entrance. He shudders. “And then you’ll get to be impaled by each of these.” Hide can feel Kaneki’s kagune slithering around him. “I’m not going to stop until I feel like you’ve thoroughly learned your lesson to never scare me like that again.”

Kaneki slides into Hide with a grunt.

 “Kaneki!” Hide screams. A long night is in Hide’s future. A very long one.

 

* * *

 

Hide lays in bed, watching Kaneki’s chest rise and fall. The half-ghoul’s cheeks are flushed. Kaneki is curled up against the blond like a cat. Small puffs of air hit Hide’s skin. He’s totally out from the several rounds they underwent. Hide would be sleeping too if his mind would let him. He was out for an hour before jolting awake in cold sweat. His mind is racing. After each euphoric orgasm, his intrusive thoughts won over and plagued his mind. Now that they’re done and Kaneki’s asleep, Hide’s left alone to think. There’s no sound to distract himself with.

Kaneki made it be known to Hide that it’s not his burden to carry with what’s happening to Yoriko, but Hide can’t accept that. She’s probably out there scared out of her mind. What if she’s given the drug? What if she wakes up to the same horrors that Hide did? Would he be able to forgive himself knowing that he could’ve stopped this? If Yoriko dies, that blood is on his hands. If anyone dies tomorrow fighting Genesis, that’s on Hide. If Kaneki dies fighting Genesis…

_‘You can save her. You can save them. You know what you have to do.’_

Hide closes his eyes and takes in a deep breath and lets it out slowly. He carefully maneuvers off the bed and grabs a change of clothing as quietly as he can. Thankfully, Tsukiyama had some of Hide’s clothing brought over since he’d be staying here for a while. The blond creeps to the bathroom and gets dressed. He stares at himself in the mirror. He glances at the crow pendent. Maybe it’s not so lucky after all.

He comes back out and watches his sleeping boyfriend. He walks around to the half ghoul’s bedside and brushes white hair out of his face.

“I love you so much, Kaneki. You’ve made me the happiest man in the world.” Hide whispers and kisses Kaneki’s forehead. “I’m sorry.”

Hide pulls away and goes to the desk next to the window. He writes a small note and places it where he was lying on the bed. He goes to the door, unlocks it, and opens it. Hide turns back to look at Kaneki one last time before setting off.


	12. The Forgiven and Saved

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hide doesn't believe he should be forgiven and saved.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for the support and patience! <3
> 
> Follow me on Tumblr: @BrandNewWings
> 
> [ Don't forget to read my other fics! They're Peter Parker centered! ]

**Previously**

_Hide lays in bed, watching Kaneki’s chest rise and fall. The half-ghoul’s cheeks are flushed. Kaneki is curled up against the blond like a cat. Small puffs of air hit Hide’s skin. He’s totally out from the several rounds they underwent. Hide would be sleeping too if his mind would let him. He was out for an hour before jolting awake in cold sweat. His mind is racing. After each euphoric orgasm, his intrusive thoughts won over and plagued his mind. Now that they’re done and Kaneki’s asleep, Hide’s left alone to think. There’s no sound to distract himself with._

_Kaneki made it be known to Hide that it’s not his burden to carry with what’s happening to Yoriko, but Hide can’t accept that. She’s probably out there scared out of her mind. What if she’s given the drug? What if she wakes up to the same horrors that Hide did? Would he be able to forgive himself knowing that he could’ve stopped this? If Yoriko dies, that blood is on his hands. If anyone dies tomorrow fighting Genesis, that’s on Hide. If Kaneki dies fighting Genesis…_

_‘You can save her. You can save them. You know what you have to do.’_

_Hide closes his eyes and takes in a deep breath and lets it out slowly. He carefully maneuvers off the bed and grabs a change of clothing as quietly as he can. Thankfully, Tsukiyama had some of Hide’s clothing brought over since he’d be staying here for a while. The blond creeps to the bathroom and gets dressed. He stares at himself in the mirror. He glances at the crow pendent. Maybe it’s not so lucky after all._

_He comes back out and watches his sleeping boyfriend. He walks around to the half ghoul’s bedside and brushes white hair out of his face._

_“I love you so much, Kaneki. You’ve made me the happiest man in the world.” Hide whispers and kisses Kaneki’s forehead. “I’m sorry.”_

_Hide pulls away and goes to the desk next to the window. He writes a small note and places it where he was lying on the bed. He goes to the door, unlocks it, and opens it. Hide turns back to look at Kaneki one last time before setting off._

 

* * *

 

By the time Hide arrives, it’s early dawn. Kaneki’s probably woken up about now. No doubt, the half-ghoul is throwing a tantrum and going on a hunt out of his right mind, but it’ll already be too late. Kaneki can’t judge the blond. How many times has the half-ghoul done this? He should’ve known that Hide would never allow Kaneki and his family to be dragged down with him. Never, but a part of Hide grieves that he can’t face Kyoki with Kaneki. They can’t take on the world together. He’s sure that if they both had an open and honest relationship from the start, they’d be the world’s number one power couple. No, lies have always been a part of their friendship and relationship. They love each other, but can never fully trust each other, and that wears on you after a while. If there’s no trust in a relationship, then what’s the point? There’s no foundation to base it off of, and a structure without a foundation isn’t built to last. It can’t.  
  
Everything that Hide feels and remembers of Kaneki is burning away with each step he takes towards the ghoul. Kaneki’s scent is but a whisper now. His voice and laughter are muddled. Where his skin burned from Kaneki’s touch is ice cold. His heart feels like its sunken to his stomach. He doesn’t want to go to Kyoki. He wants to stay in bed with Kaneki and snuggle. He wants the kagune snuggles. Hide wants to feel Kaneki nuzzle into his neck while digging his blunt nails into Hide’s back.   
  
The voice in Hide’s head has gone silent. Even that’s left him too.  
  
Yoriko is on her knees, arms bound behind her back and mouth duct taped shut. She sees Hide and slowly shakes her head. Why is he here? How could he be so stupid!? She makes a desperate whimpering noise. Kyoki is standing close behind her with several other ghouls with him. Yoriko wiggles to get to Hide, but Kyoki kicks her head to the ground. A loud crack vibrates the warehouse. Yoriko isn’t moving.  
  
“I’m here now. Let her go,” Hide narrows his eyes. He’s surprised his voice came out strong and brave. Complete opposite to how he truly feels. Kyoki watched Yoriko like an alien discovering meat for the first time. He tilts his head from side to side and never blinks as he watches her. “Kyoki, we have a deal.”  
  
“She’s such a cute little thing. Nothing on you, of course, but she’s precious. Plump,” Kyoki steps over her and goes to Hide. “My beautiful boy has finally come home.”  
  
Kyoki brushes his fingers against Hide’s cheek. Hide jerks his face away.  
  
“This will never be my home,” Hide says and glares defiantly at Kyoki. The ghoul huffs a chuckle and tousles Hide’s hair.  
  
“We’ll see,” Kyoki sighs sadly.  
  
“I left without them knowing. They probably know by now though. We should be leaving before they arrive,” Hide says and glances at Yoriko. She’s still out cold. He wishes he could check her vitals. “Let me make sure she’s okay.”  
  
“I wasn’t under the impression that I follow orders from you,” Kyoki arches a brow.   
  
“Please? If she’s not okay, Touka and the others will hunt you down in the name of revenge!” Hide keeps looking at Yoriko and it pisses the ghoul off.  
  
“They’re all going to be doing that anyways now that I have you. Nothing would change.”  
  
“We had a deal! My life in exchange for hers. You wouldn’t harm her at all!” Hide shouts.   
  
“You’re lucky I made a deal to begin with. You should be grateful!” Kyoki runs his hands through his unkempt hair to calm himself down. “Why do they matter? Why does this little vixen worry you? You have me. I’m enough.”  
  
“I don’t want you, Kyoki. I want Kaneki, and no one else. That’s been established since you knew me. You can smell him on me right now.”  
  
“I’m sorry to hear that. I guess I’ll just have to break you in,” Kyoki sighs. “Know I do this out of love. If you resist your punishment, her life is done.”  
  
Before Hide could ask what Kyoki is talking about, he’s backhanded and stumbles back several feet. He spits out blood and wipes his jaw. He doesn’t have time to adjust as Kyoki flashes in his face and grabs Hide’s throat, slamming him back against the ground. All air leaves Hide’s lungs. His head hurts. He looks at Yoriko with fading vision.   
  
The ghouls Kyoki has with him watch on in amusement and some with indifference. No doubt there are more ghouls on standby in case Hide came with the others. Kyoki lifts Hide up by his shirt collar. The fabric digs into his neck from his weight pulling down on it. He can hear the slight tears of the fabric. Hide moves languidly like an octopus being held out of water. The ghoul slams him back down again. Hide coughs and there’s a ringing noise in his ears. Kyoki picks him back up, then does it again. The ghoul isn’t holding back his strength.   
  
Is this what Hide deserves? Was this long coming? Kyoki is his punishment for tasting the forbidden fruit. Hide wasn’t supposed to find happiness. He was supposed to be alone forever, but because he’s had a taste of happiness with Kaneki, he’s become too greedy. He should’ve let it go after Kaneki left him the first time. But if he can’t have Kaneki, then what’s the point? Why bother living if Kaneki won’t be there? His cheek meets pavement.  
  
It’s then that Yoriko stirs. The tape over her mouth has peeled off. Her eyes open slowly, and it takes a little while for her to process what she’s seeing. Hide is being slammed into the ground over and over. A small crater has begun to form. A rib must’ve been broken and punctured something as after Hide’s slammed down again, blood spurts from his mouth like a firework.   
  
“Hi...de,” Yoriko wants to cry. Seeing Hide like this is heartbreaking. He isn’t putting up a fight at all. He’s not being witty and snarky like he usually would be. Hide’s just taking it. “Hide!”  
  
Hide barely glances at her. There’s a spark of relief in his eyes, but nothing else. The guards position themselves in case Yoriko tries to get involved.  
  
“Hide, fight back! Don’t just take it like a dog! Fight!” Yoriko begs.  
  
“It’s because of you that he won’t. He understands the consequences of fighting back,” Kyoki side glances at the human woman. “You humans are so detestable. You’ll throw away your lives if it means saving someone else’s. Your species just can’t wait to die, can it? That sadly applies to my dear Hide too,” Kyoki lets go of Hide’s collar. The human crumples on the ground. The ghoul plunges his knee into Hide’s gut. Bile and blood are forced out of Hide’s mouth.  
  
“Oh, Hide...” Yoriko whispers. “Forget about me, you idiot! What about Kaneki!? Are you just going to let him grieve? He needs you!”  
  
Hide doesn’t acknowledge Yoriko. He just stares off into space.  
  
“He’ll be heartbroken if you let Kyoki get away with this! Wait for him! He’s going to save us. They all are. If you let Kyoki win, he...he’ll never forgive you, and-“  
  
“I’m not looking to be forgiven,” Hide says in a raspy voice.  
  
“What?”   
  
“I don’t care if I’m forgiven or not. There’s no point in it. I’m way passed forgiving. I’m way passed saving. I figured that I’d do the right thing for a change,” when Hide takes a breath, he wheezes. 

“You can’t, Hide. This isn’t what Kaneki wants,” Yoriko is trying like everything to get through to Hide.

“Have you ever stopped to consider what _I_ want?” Hide flips the conversation around.

“Of course, I have! We all have!” Yoriko is flustered. How dare he accuse them of being so selfish!

“I spend every waking hour craving for a drug that I know will make me a monster I’ll have to wake up to. I hear voices and see blood that aren’t there. Every day, my mind becomes further from sane and closer to collapse. I’m not a good man, Yoriko. No man is a good one, no matter how hard they try to be. No matter how much they hide their flaws and darkness. The truth is, I’m tired. I’m tired of running. I’m tired of fighting. This is what I want.”

“You can’t mean that!”

“But I do,” Hide gives a small smile.   
  
“Please don’t die, Hide,” Yoriko grieves.  
  
“You’re so annoying,” Kyoki growls and gets off of Hide. “You make it so incredibly hard to not want to kill you.”  
  
Hide uses whatever strength he has left to grab onto Kyoki’s pant leg. How peculiar. Very deja vu. Kyoki stops to look down at the blond.   
  
“Oh, I see. You wanted to do the honors, right? I’ll allow it,” Kyoki grabs Hide by the hair and drags him to Yoriko. The guards grab the woman by her shoulders, so she can’t get away. “I’m glad that you’ve finally come around!”  
  
There’s nothing Hide can do to stop this. He’s so weak. His mind is scattered from taking one too many hits. He has internal damage. He could be hemorrhaging. He’s probably hemorrhaging.  
  
Kyoki dangles the human in front of Yoriko and reaches an open hand out. One of the guards hands him a syringe full of Sweet Pea. A part of Hide is dreading this. The other half is yearning for it. It makes him wonder; Did Hide really come here to save Yoriko, or was it for selfish reasons? Kyoki slides the syringe against Hide’s skin tantalizingly so. Hide closes his eyes, waiting for the tragedy to begin again.  
  
“Hide!” Yoriko begs. “Hide!”  
  
A gush of wind blows past Hide. His hair settles, and speckles of warmth hit his face. Is it already over? Was Yoriko’s death quick? How scared was she?  
  
“You!” Kyoki snarls. His voice sounds further away and pained.  
  
Hide’s eyes flutter open. The syringe Kyoki had is shattered on the ground, liquid pooling around it. He was never injected. Then, what did happen? He sees, or better yet, hears the clicking sounds of insect legs. Large, centipede-like kagune slither and mash against each other. A ghoul with white hair and pale skin stands before him. Kaneki... He’s separating Hide from Kyoki. Kaneki has the remnants of a mask that covers everything but his mouth.  


Kaneki has his hand through Kyoki’s stomach. Pints of blood spills out every time Kyoki tries to move away.

 

“What a horrible stench,” Kaneki says monotonously.

  
A war is taking place all around him from the sounds of it. The guards lie dead and dismembered on the ground. He doesn’t see Yoriko and can only hope that she’s somehow gotten away.  
  
“Kane-“  
  
“Nagachika, don’t even speak to me. I’m so upset with you right now,” Kaneki warns.  
  
Hide flinches at the name Kaneki uses.  
  
“I was just-I didn’t think he’d-“  
  
“No, you didn’t think. You only thought of yourself. You almost got Yoriko killed. You almost got yourself killed. You didn’t think about anyone else’s feelings. You went behind my back, abused my trust, and threw us away. Did you really think leaving a note behind would make everything better? I can’t even stand looking at you right now, I’m so furious. We’ll talk about this, but not right now,” Kaneki glances back at Hide. Hide shudders. This man could kill him right now if he wanted.  “Do you understand me?”  
  
Hide nods as best as he can. A horrible decision really. His world spins and meshes together. He feels nauseous. Hide’s strength gives out. He can’t carry himself anymore. But as blackness surrounds him, he hears Kaneki gently say, “Idiot”. Something catches him, and lays Hide gently on the ground.

Unconsciousness claims the blond. Touka flashes to his side and picks him up. Yoriko must be safely secured if Touka’s here. She nods and leaves with the human.

“Now then, as for you,” Kaneki turns all of his attention to the man who’s started all of this. He finally has his hands on Kyoki. The mask completely devours Kaneki’s face. Centipede.  “You’re the notorious Kyoki, huh?”

The named ghoul pales.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [ Sorry for the long wait. Lots of personal stuff has happened, college started back up, and I started a new job. Lots of things poppin right now. 
> 
> Let me tell you the biggest reason why I haven't been updating this story lately. After how Tokyo Ghoul ended, I can't deny that I was a bit disappointed and frustrated. I was upset with how Hide's character was cheated of a proper backstory and arc and such. That goes for many other characters. There wasn't proper closure and everything was rushed and/or explained in a few sentences. I waited YEARS for Hide's return and to learn about him. He was my favorite character and whom attracted me to Tokyo Ghoul in the first place, and then THAT happened. It honestly bummed me out. Then the fandom blew up, and you should know how crazy and toxic the fandom can get. So it made me not really want to do this story and other things TG anymore, and my biggest thing is to not force writing. If I'm not having fun, then what's the point, you know? But I've found my inspiration for it again. I don't know how, but I did. Writing this made me feel a bit nostalgic, haha. 
> 
> Again, I'm really sorry for the long wait and depressing backstory! I put it at the end for a reason. <3 ]


	13. Tragedy's End

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Ohhh, I fall apart." - Post Malone

**Previously**

_A war is taking place all around him from the sounds of it. The guards lie dead and dismembered on the ground. He doesn’t see Yoriko and can only hope that she’s somehow gotten away._

_“Kane-“_

_“Nagachika, don’t even speak to me. I’m so upset with you right now,” Kaneki warns._

_Hide flinches at the name Kaneki uses._

_“I was just-I didn’t think he’d-“_

_“No, you didn’t think. You only thought of yourself. You almost got Yoriko killed. You almost got yourself killed. You didn’t think about anyone else’s feelings. You went behind my back, abused my trust, and threw us away. Did you really think leaving a note behind would make everything better? I can’t even stand looking at you right now, I’m so furious. We’ll talk about this, but not right now,” Kaneki glances back at Hide. Hide shudders. This man could kill him right now if he wanted. “Do you understand me?”_

_Hide nods as best as he can. A horrible decision really. His world spins and meshes together. He feels nauseous. Hide’s strength gives out. He can’t carry himself anymore. But as blackness surrounds him, he hears Kaneki gently say, “Idiot”. Something catches him, and lays Hide gently on the ground._

_Unconsciousness claims the blond. Touka flashes to his side and picks him up. Yoriko must be safely secured if Touka’s here. She nods and leaves with the human._

_“Now then, as for you,” Kaneki turns all of his attention to the man who’s started all of this. He finally has his hands on Kyoki. The mask completely devours Kaneki’s face. Centipede. “You’re the notorious Kyoki, huh?”_

_The named ghoul pales._

 

* * *

 

 

Kyoki examines his opponent. The infamous Kaneki Ken in his kakuja form. His rinkaku morphs into flatter shapes with tiny legs clicking down the sides. A dark purple mask encases his face with a long beak and third eye. All the hairs stand up on the back of Kyoki’s neck. His ghoulish instincts cry out that he needs to runaway. This ghoul before him will annihilate Kyoki with a flick of his fingers. The fight will be over before it starts.

A ghoul charges at Kaneki to protect Kyoki, but he’s cut down as easily as cutting butter with a warm knife. The torso clatters down, followed by the severed head like a wet sponge, and lastly the legs. Kaneki places his foot on the head and with little force, crushes it like a balloon. The kakuja makes his move toward the ghoul. Kyoki takes a hesitant step back. Everything around him is shrouded in darkness as his attention is solely on Kaneki. The kakuja sneers at Kyoki, smelling his fear.

“Where’s all that talk?” Kaneki taunts, voice garbled. His kagune whisks around like an excited cat that wants to play. “Isn’t this what you wanted? To kill me?” The kagune flicks to the right sharply. “Make me watch you take Hide away from me?” It flicks to the left. “But that was your first mistake wasn’t it? You hurt Hide. **You hurt him!** You brought him into _our_ world. You tried to make him like us. You made Hide cry. **He cried!** You made Hide scared. **How dare you hurt him!** You made him run from me- **he’s scared of us-can’t trust us** -and that can’t be allowed. I’m sorry. It just can’t. So, I’m here now. You have my undivided attention.”

The half ghoul’s thoughts were everywhere as he struggled to speak to Kyoki. His constant scratching at his ear rubs the skin raw. Kaneki’s sanity is fraying the longer he stays in his kakuja form. The white haired man is grabbing the reigns and yanking back from losing all control of himself. If he does, Kaneki might accidentally attack friends as well as foes.

Kyoki’s breathing picks up. His chest hurts as hyperventilation takes ahold of him. With each exhale, a whimper accompanies it. Kaneki stops walking and watches how Kyoki loses himself to panic. Pride bubbles up in the half ghoul’s deranging mind.

“Please don’t hurt me! I beg you! Please!” Kyoki pleads.

“You’re pathetic,” Kaneki grumbles and stalks towards his prey. The ghoul’s wound from Kaneki is starting to heal. It pulsates and squelches.

“No! Stop! I never meant to hurt him! I’ll leave him alone! I don’t want to die!” Kyoki sobs. He falls to his knees with his head down. His shoulders tremble.

“Your words are falling on deaf ears,” Kaneki stops in front of the man. He reaches a hand out toward him.

Kyoki lets out a scream. The ghoul’s breathing is ragged as a panic attack slams into him. Kyoki pulls at his hair and rips out strands.

“No! Don’t! I... I...,” Kyoki stops and his screams turn into maniacal laughter. He throws his head back and a smile is plastered on his face. Kaneki takes a step back. “Are you fucking stupid!? Do...,” Kyoki hiccups in glee. “Do you really believe that I wouldn’t be prepared for you!? Are you really that simple!?”

Several darts pierce into Kaneki’s neck and shoulders. Instantaneously, his kakuja vanishes along with his kagune. The half ghoul, wide eyed, stumbles from both shock and fatigue. Going into such a form saps his energy every time. He looks around and sees the war still raging on. Tsukiyama is battling three ghouls at once. Banjou and his team are fending off a group of ten. Nishiki is flinging one ghoul across the battle field while kicking away another. The warehouse smells of blood. The iron is more pungent than a human’s. It’s putrid and makes Kaneki’s stomach flop. Who is injured? Everyone seems to be fighting but is anyone sporting a deadly wound? Are they so pumped with adrenaline that they’ve numbed the pain? Is Hide safe? Did Touka get away? How is Yoriko? No one has noticed Kaneki’s situation. Everything becomes blurry, and the world spins.

“RC suppressants come in handy, don’t they?” Kyoki smirks and saunters around Kaneki. “Quinque based needles, ready to inject the serum upon impact. Since it’s you, I went ahead and upped the normal dosage.”

 

“You coward,” Kaneki growls. He drops onto one knee.

 

“I call it playing smart,” Kyoki caresses Kaneki’s jaw. “Oh, how you look so beautiful right now, but my Hide will look far more mystifying once he’s by my side again.” Kyoki bends down to whisper in the half-ghoul’s ear. “I’m going to break him and there’s nothing you can do about it.”

“Don’t you fucking touch him!” Kaneki’s nose crinkles like a canine’s. He tries to bite at Kyoki but the ghoul backhands him. The ghoul grabs the white hair and slams Kaneki’s head down against Kyoki’s raising knee. Blood dribbles down from Kaneki’s nose.

“Don’t interrupt me while I’m talking. That’s so rude,” Kyoki pouts and lets go of Kaneki. “But just imagine it. Him spread out for me, crying as I have my way with him. If I’m lucky, he’ll bleed between those gorgeous, plump legs of his. I’ll tear him and tear him until he passes out from the pain but even then, I’ll have my way with him. He’ll eventually see that I’m not raping him because I do it out of love. You can’t force yourself one someone when they love you. I know he wants this. Hide wants me to ‘rape’ him. I’ll rip Hide apart and put him back together again with Sweet Pea. I want him to be as crazy as me.”

“Once this wears off, you’re dead,” Kaneki promises darkly.

“Yeah but,” A bikaku pierces through Kaneki’s stomach. Blood splatters on the ground. Kaneki coughs and more blood is regurgitated on the cement floor. “I’m not going to wait around for it to wear off. I’m not those stupid villains that talk away until the hero is able to escape.”

“You bastard,” Kaneki wheezes and collapses to the ground. The suppressants are keeping Kaneki’s regeneration at bay. The half ghoul can feel the warm liquid pooling around him. He’s really going to die this time, isn’t he?

“Now then,” Kyoki steps over the fallen ghoul and looks around with hands on his hips. “Where is my beloved and betrothed?”

Phantom appears with both Touka and Hide in hand. Hide is still limp while Touka struggles and wriggles around to get free. She spots Kaneki and gasps.

“Kaneki!” She shrieks.

As if everyone is splashed with cold water, the fighting pauses. Everyone sees how Kaneki is lying on the ground, bleeding out. They see how victorious Kyoki looks, his bikaku curled around him comfortably. They see how Touka is crying as she struggles to get to Kaneki. They see how Hide doesn’t move at all. No one moves but then the fighting erupts once more, this time with moves rasher and self-destructive than before.

“Very good, Phantom. You’ll be rewarded beyond your wildest dreams,” Kyoki smiles and grabs Hide by the nape of his neck. His breathing is labored as his injuries have only gotten worse from being left untreated.

Kaneki let’s out a pathetic whine. He wants to go comfort his hurting mate. He doesn’t want his last words to him to be out of anger. He needs to take care of Hide. His mate is hurting. He needs to make the hurt go away. The half ghoul whines a small, “Hide.”

“I wish to only serve you,” Phantom bows and gains a firmer hold on Touka.

“It’s time to wake up, pet,” Kyoki coos shaking Hide.

Hide’s body moves around like a rag doll. His head bobbles around. The human makes no sound. Blood drips on the ground below Hide with little pips.

“I said to wake up,” Kyoki’s gentleness leaves, and he shakes Hide harder. His nails dig into Hide’s skin as Kyoki’s grip becomes tighter. The blond’s breathing is raspy, neck swelling up and blocking his airways.

Kaneki struggles to move. He needs to save Hide. The exertion pumps more blood onto the ground below him. The pain is making him see stars, but no physical pain can compare to seeing Hide in trouble, in pain, and about to die.

“Hide...,” Kaneki breathes. “Hold on.”

“Wake up! Wake up!” Kyoki is throttling Hide around. His neck could snap at any minute from the force and pressure being used.

“Stop it! Stop it, you’re killing him!” Touka shouts.

“How dare he defy me!” Kyoki screams.

When it comes to Hide, Kyoki loses all impulse control and sanity. His patience diminishes and he holds no logic. Kyoki’s actions stop abruptly. He smiles fondly at the human. It makes Touka shudder. Whatever idea he’s concocted can’t be good.

“I see. He’s just being coy. You don’t have to play hard to get, sweetie. You don’t have to be shy with me. I still love you. I’ll always love you,” Kyoki brings Hide close to him and licks the blood from his neck. His eyes roll back in pleasure. The taste is exquisite and a natural aphrodisiac. “I love you so much. I just can’t contain it. You know that, right?”

“You’re disgusting,” Touka spits. “Forcing your love and self onto someone is vile. I can’t wait for you to die.”

Touka’s head snaps to the side after Phantom punches her. She spits red and holds her undeterred glare at Kyoki.

“She just doesn’t understand our love, Hide. No one does,” Kyoki murmurs into Hide’s ear.

“Look at him! He’s barely alive! Hide needs medical assistance as soon as possible!” Touka says.

“Then I’ll just heal him up. I can do that, right, Hide? Give you some sweet pea and you’ll be as good as new,” Kyoki hums. Hide is once again silent.

“Dammit, Kaneki, what are you doing just laying around?” Touka asks. Kaneki can only look at Touka. Shame evident in his eyes. He’s barely able to see straight at all. “Get up you stupid ghoul! Get up!”

Kaneki grits his teeth. He knows! He knows Hide needs him, but what can he do? He’s so weak right now. He tried to force himself but now it’s like his body refuses to take orders. All he can do now is lay there and watch himself fail Hide again. He coughs up more blood.

 

‘ _ **History is repeating itself...,**_ ’ A voice coos.

 

Flashbacks of Nishiki preparing to kill Hide. The ghoul steps on Hide and pukes the human food onto the blond.

 

‘ _ **Poor little Hide. Abandoned once again by the one he trusts the most...,**_ ’

 

All those messages Kaneki never responded too. The way he avoided Hide. How Kaneki pushed his best friend away and ignored him. How he made new friends and started a new life that didn’t include Hide. How he left Hide alone knowing that Hide didn’t have anyone else.

 

_Shut up._

 

‘ **He’s going to be broken just like you...,** ’

 

_I said stop._

 

‘ ** _And you’re going to lay down and let it happen like a dog...,_** ’

 

_That’s not true!_

 

‘ _ **Then get up**_.’

 

_I…_

 

‘ _ **Get up!**_ ’

 

‘ _ **Get up and protect your mate!**_ ’

 

Hide’s smile is so radiant in Kaneki’s mind. His laugh. The way Hide says his name. Hide never gave up on Kaneki. Ever.

 

‘ _ **Save Hide!**_ ’

 

‘ _ **Don’t abandon him again**_!’

 

‘ _ **If you’re gonna die, die fighting to the end!**_ ’

 

‘ _ **Get up!**_ ’

 

Kaneki screams, and it echoes through the warehouse - a tiger roaring. Hide’s faint breathing goes out like someone blowing out a candle. He could’ve sworn he heard something being crushed in Hide’s throat. Kaneki’s eyes widen.

“Let him go you bastard!” Kaneki reaches out toward Kyoki but a flash of white and red fills his vision.

Crouched before him is a young woman with red and white hair, both colors divided evenly on each side of her head. She’s dressed in all black, utilizing her cloak, and wielding a koukaku like a sword. She opens her eyes and red irises stare back. Only two seconds pass before chaos erupts once more.

Kyoki shrieks as the arm holding Hide falls off. The human collapses to the ground with a deafening thud. Kaneki’s eyes tear up when he sees the blond’s chest rise and fall. There’s a small inhale. It’s barely there, but it’s enough. The woman yanks the arm away from Hide and shoves it into Kaneki’s gaping mouth.

“Eat this. It’ll help,” She orders softly.

Kyoki is clutching onto his bleeding stump desperately making the bleeding stop. Kyoki glares at the woman.

“So, you finally show up, Mei,” Kyoki spits. Phantom goes to apprehend her, but Kyoki stops him with a look. “What’s the meaning of this?”

“I can’t follow someone whose beliefs are fragile and warped. I almost forgot myself. This child helped me remember,” Mei nods to Hide. “I refuse to let a debt be unpaid.”

“You mean to say that you wish to betray me? Would you really do that when you know I can and will kill you?” Kyoki disregards his injury. He lets it bleed freely.

“For this boy,” Mei points her kagune at Kyoki’s face. “without question.”

Kyoki giggles and the two clash against each other. Mei can’t move as fast as Kyoki due to the heaviness of her koukaku, but she’s a strategic person. She’s three steps ahead of Kyoki, and Mei’s fresh in the battle. Kyoki has been injured several times already. He’s just lost an arm. But this doesn’t mean that Kyoki is prone to losing this fight. He’s strong, he’s fast, and is willing to play dirty.

“You’re going to fail Hide like you’ve failed your little brother,” Kyoki hisses. Mei faulters for a split second, but it’s enough time for Kyoki to land a blow. The young woman shakes off the pain and gets back into the swing of the battle.

Touka uses this opportunity to take out Phantom while Hide is no longer the center of attention. She slams her knee into Phantom’s spine and smirks when there’s a crack. Phantom drops Touka, and the two begin a battle of their own. Ukaku versus ukaku.

Kaneki watches the two women waltz and glide like they were performing a ballet. They twirl and dodge and punch and slash. The scene is mesmerizing. A few times the team up to help the other as if they’ve rehearsed it. Touka will let out a barrage of bullets. While Phantom easily dodges them, Mei leads Kyoki into the line of fire. With Kyoki smacking away the missles, Mei applies several hits to the ghoul. The two women are back to back and they quickly shift opponents and Mei slices off a part of Phantom’s ukaku wings while Touka slams her leg against Kyoki’s chest. They are unstoppable.

The half ghoul snaps back to reality and sinks his teeth into Kyoki’s lost arm. Kaneki’s nose wrinkles up in distaste. The flavor is repulsive and foul. No better than human food. He chews the first bite and swallows. The meat is a thick lump struggling to go down. Kaneki moves on to the next bite. Then the next. He can feel his body throbbing, trying to stitch itself up. The suppressants’ effects are fading away from all the blood loss flushing out the chemicals.

Kaneki tests his strength and gets up off the ground. He feels his stomach, and the hole is nearly closed. Kaneki glances at his boyfriend and stumbles over to him. He falls to his knees.

“This is why I can’t leave you alone for a second. You always find trouble,” Kaneki leans down until his face is an inch away from Hide’s. He can hear the human’s heartbeat. Hide’s still managing to breath by some miracle. God knows what internal injuries Hide has. “I love you.”

Kaneki kisses Hide’s forehead and pulls away. He stands, fully healed and cracks a knuckle. His rinkaku emerges and harden to claws.

“I’m sorry to keep you waiting. I’ll take it from here.”

Mei side glances at the half ghoul and smiles. She nods to herself before falling back. She dodges Kyoki’s attack and backflips by Kaneki. Mei crouches and picks up Hide gingerly.

“I’ll get him out of here,” Mei offers.

“We’ll talk later about you and Hide,” Kaneki doesn’t look at Mei but squeezes her shoulder. “Thank you.”

Mei nods and sprints away from the battle. She avoids getting involved with the several others happening around them. Kyoki snarls and leaps after her but he crashes to the ground. Kyoki groans in agony. An arm is five yards away from his body. Another arm of Kyoki’s was taken. The ghoul howls in pain.

“I’m tired of playing this game. I just want it to end,” Kaneki cracks another finger. “But I’m having this inner conflict. I want to torture you, but I also want you exterminated as quickly as possible.”

Kyoki’s been reduced to a mere beast. Crazed with the instincts to survive. Throwing a tantrum for not having his way.

“You think you can beat me at my own game!?” Kyoki shrieks and screams as he charges at Kaneki. “Why is it always you!? Why does the world revolve around your desires and dreams!? Why do you get Hide!? Why did I have to turn out this way, huh!?”

“You’ve got a long way to go if you think the world revolves around anyone. If you believe I’m going to stand here and pity you, you’re wrong. Everyone has their own demons and pasts to deal with. To expect everyone to let things slide because of your tragedy is arrogant. And you didn’t have to turnout like this. You let it get this far. You could’ve stopped,” Kaneki’s voice is monotoned and his silver eyes are dull as stone.

Kyoki lunges for Kaneki, but the half ghoul kicks him in the side. The force sends him flying. Kyoki barely lands into a crouch before charging at Kaneki again.

“The only thing you did was make Hide and hundreds of others suffer. The only thing you wanted was for everyone around you to be just as miserable and pathetic as you. You never loved Hide. Not even close. You are jealous of him and his ability to soldier on in life. You hate how he can still carry so much hope. The only thing you love is seeing him break.”

“Stop talking like you know me and fight already!” Kyoki commands.

“But I do know you. I was the same at one point in my life,” Kaneki laments.

“What does that mean?” Kyoki narrows his eyes and curses when Kaneki once again dodged him. His eyes widen when Kaneki’s rinkaku surge toward him.

“I’m afraid I can’t answer that. Time’s runout. Game over,” Kaneki’s kagune plunge into Kyoki repeatedly. All four tendrils piercing through the body over and over, tearing Kyoki a part.

The screams die out fast and at long last Kyoki is no more. At the loss of their leader, the survivors of Genesis make a run for it and disappear into the shadows. A few of the others chase after them. Touka has long since defeated Phantom and is panting over his lifeless body.

“What now?” Touka asks.

“We burn this place to the ground,” Kaneki answers. “Then we hunt down any and all remaining members from Genesis. We’ll search more hideouts, take any information regarding Sweet Pea and extirpate it. This drug will never surface again. We eradicate any signs of Genesis from existence.”

“Understood,” Banjou nods. He and his lackeys disappear in a flash to chase down the escaping enemy.

The others get to work on searching the warehouse before torching it. Everyone looks fatigued and beaten but nothing compared to what could’ve been.

“Let’s go home,” Kaneki smiles at Touka.

She smiles back.

 

* * *

 

 

A full week and a half has gone by. Mei took Hide and Yoriko to Tsukiyama’s home where Kimi has been waiting in anxiety. Mei reassured the young woman that Nishiki and everyone else is fine. Hide’s condition was critical upon arrival, but Kimi managed to fix the blond up. He had the obvious concussion and internal bleeding. Hide couldn’t speak for the first week due to the extent of injury his throat took. He was quickly frustrated with having to write everything down and is happy that that long week is behind him. Luckily, there isn’t permanent brain damage from the strangulation and head injury. Kimi stitched up some lacerations and constantly has to tell Hide not to move around so much. Hide’s time spent in bed would’ve been more bearable if Kaneki was there with him.

The half ghoul has been dismantling Genesis and destroying everything in his path. Kimi told him that Kaneki would be coming back today though. As excited as that makes the blond, he’s also nervous. He doesn’t want to face a furious Kaneki. Is Kaneki going to end it? Is he going to leave again? Does Kaneki even want to see him?

Hide sighs and looks out the window to his right. The sky is a vivid blue and clear as ice. The clouds are puffy like shaving cream being stacked on top of itself. There’s the faint sounds of wind chimes ringing around. The blond hums in content. There are no voices. No hallucinations. No guilt and terror. It’s a perpetual high of freedom right now. When Kyoki died, so did the intrusive thoughts.

A click of a door turns Hide’s attention to the left.

Kaneki stands there, hands in his front pockets and looking indifferent. A small sweat builds on the back of Hide’s neck. Kaneki is going to kill him. He’s sure of it.

The half ghoul takes a step towards the blond. Hide scrambles around in his bed and groans in regret. Kaneki takes another step, and Hide holds a hand out in surrender. He inches toward the large window. Hide’s bright colors starkly contrasting against the cerulean sky.

“Okay, look. I know I messed up. I shouldn’t have gone,” Hide apologizes. His voice is rough and crackly. His stomach is full of anxiety. He’s waiting for Kaneki to explode. The ghoul keeps walking towards him. The walk commands obedience signaling that there’s very small room to argue. That look of indifference never twitches from the half ghoul’s face. The closer Kaneki gets, the higher in pitch Hide’s voice takes. “But my conscience wouldn’t let me do nothing. I didn’t want you dragged into it. No, that’s not an excuse. I was being selfish. I didn’t think about your feelings at all. Um, I uh... I mean I-“

A pale arm wraps around Hide’s shoulders and pulls him into a firm and steady chest. The action forces Hide to quiet. Another arm wraps around Hide’s waist and holds him closer. Hide’s chin rests on Kaneki’s shoulder, eyes wide in a daze and shock. The half ghoul pats Hide’s back a few times before letting go; his hand never leaves Hide’s body though.

“I’ve been so worried,” Kaneki sits down on the edge of the bed.

“You’re not mad?” Hide asks.

“Oh, I’m pissed,” Kaneki corrects. Hide dips his head. “But I can’t say that I didn’t expect you to do that. You wouldn’t be you if you didn’t go.” Kaneki sighs. “We’re both hopeless, aren’t we?”

“I’m afraid so,” Hide hums.

“How are you feeling?” Kaneki studies Hide’s face for any signs of discomfort. He gazes at the bandages wrapped around the human’s forehead and throat. There are a few cuts healing and sprinkled over the expanse of Hide’s body, and there are a few that required stitches. Hide has stitches on his left brow and bottom lip. “Kimi said that the swelling to your head has gone down.”

“I feel as good as I can be given my situation,” Hide cocks a grin but winces when the movement angers his split lip. He traces the bandages on his throat absentmindedly to satiate his nerves. “My breathing isn’t that bad, and I can talk still. I don’t seem to have an signs of brain damage either. If Mei hadn’t brought me when she did, I would’ve died.”

Kaneki’s shoulders dip in relief, “I’m sorry I couldn’t be here sooner. I never wanted to leave you alone after something so traumatic, but Genesis needed to be taken care of. I suppose Kimi appreciated not having my paranoid and worried mind around.”

“Heh, you would’ve driven her insane!’ Hide laughs. Kaneki’s eyes soften at his mate’s laughter.

There’s a comfortable silence between them.

“Is Genesis gone for good now?” Hide asks.

Kaneki frowns and runs a hand through his white locks.

“It’s hard to say, but I doubt it. There’s no telling just how far Genesis cast its net. With news of Kyoki’s death, I’m sure many members have gone into the deep undergrounds. After that night, we tried rounding up the survivors and had them interrogated by Yomo. A few broke down but several have yet to budge,” Kaneki links a finger around the crow pendant encircling Hide’s neck. “These interrogations did include Mei as well, but she didn’t need much convincing. She’s probably the only member from that group that’s going to walk away. We owe her that much. She save our lives,” Kaneki unhooks his finger from the necklace and watches it fall back onto Hide’s collar bone.

“Tsukiyama’s worker showed up?” Hide asks innocently. “Why was she there?”

“Oh, sweet baby, Hide,” Kaneki coos and nuzzles Hide’s cheek.

“Whatever,” Hide hides his grin with a pout. He juts his bottom lip out, careful of the stitching. A thought occurs to him. “How is Yoriko doing?”

“Yoriko’s doing well,” Kaneki says. Hide’s pout melts off and in its place is worry.

“Is she? She’s been plaguing my mind,” Hide hums and lets out a deep sigh. “Kimi hasen’t told me much about her condition.”

“Probably because Kimi doesn’t know much herself. Touka’s been locked away in her room with Yoriko,” Kaneki smirks.

“Locked away? Why?” Hide cocks his head.

The half ghoul’s smirk curls. That’s never a good sign.

“Having their reunion,” Kaneki traces a finger down Hide’s exposed sternum. The rope to the white robe Kimi dressed Hide in is slightly undone. The human’s body shudders under the ghoul’s touch.

“For a week and a half?” Hide struggles to not stutter. “That’s so long.”

“It’s a very extensive reunion. They’re having an understanding on all bases,” Kaneki’s finger travels lower until he’s circling the blond’s bellybutton. Hide licks his lips, careful not to agitate the stitching. “And their reunion is going to look like child’s play compared to ours.”

“Is that so?”

“Yes. I’ve been so eager for it,” Kaneki positions himself better on the bed, leaning over Hide. “And I’m not a patient man, Hide.”

The blond gulps.

“I’m still injured,” Hide’s voice is small.

“Then we better be extra careful,” Kaneki’s grin looks somehow sinister instead of warm. “Don’t worry. We’ll start off easy.”

“Kane-kiii~,” Hide’s back arches a little when Kaneki’s hand firmly grabs his cock.

“Hmmm. My patient seems a bit tense. Perhaps he’s backed up from this past week and a half?” Kaneki coos and pumps the blond slowly. He massages his thumb against the neck of the penis while he pulls down Hide’s underwear to gain better access to his prize. Hide’s breath hitches. “You like that baby? You’re always so sensitive here. You love it when I play with your head.”

Hide’s mind is trying to catch up to the sudden mood change. His erection is pulsing with every twist and jerk Kaneki’s hand makes. Hide’s cheeks must be bright red because his face feels so warm. With every up stroke, Kaneki squeezes so there’s more pressure around the head of Hide’s dick. The half ghoul lets go to spit into his hands and uses both of them to jerk Hide off.

The blond clutches onto the bed sheets. He tries to keep his breathing even, but it comes out as gasps. Kaneki stops to spread the human’s legs. The ghoul lays on his stomach in between Hide’s thighs and goes back to his ministrations. He keeps his eyes locked onto Hide’s and soaks up the expressions Hide makes. The way red dusts over the blond’s cheeks and bridge of his nose.

“Kaneki...” Hide lowly groans.

“That’s it baby. Relax and don’t fight it. Cum as many times as you want. I want you to feel so good for me. I’m gonna take real good care of you. I know what you need, baby boy. What this body needs,” Kaneki’s strokes get faster. Hide hears the squelching, wet sounds from his precum being used as lube. “Just let go and let yourself be overwhelmed in pleasure.”

 

Hide whimpers. Kaneki’s sex talk is enough to send him over the edge. The blond moans and rests his head back against the pillows. His mind is going into a white fog. Hide’s lips are moving but there aren’t any words to be recognized. His skin is buzzing and numbing at the same time. Heat pools in his stomach. His toes curl a bit. Absentmindedly, Hide’s legs spread wider.

“That’s it baby. Just let your mind wander. Get swept away in this and relax. You’re so good for me. Such a good boy. You like it when daddy plays with your cock?” Kaneki’s voice is deeper. The ghoul is also feeling good from this. He loves making his baby boy feel good. The blond blushes at the name. The lack of response causes Kaneki to stop moving and squeeze Hide’s dick. The blond yelps. “Answer me, sweetie.”

“Yes!” Hide bucks his hips trying to find that friction. The squeezing gets tighter, but Kaneki kisses the head sweetly. Unshed tears pool in the corners of Hide’s eyes.

“Yes, what?” Kaneki asks softly.

Kaneki licks the slit, catching a bead of precum. The human spazzes and keens when Kaneki doesn’t do anymore.

“Yes, daddy!” The tears fall down Hide’s cheeks.

“Good boy,” Kaneki purrs and takes Hide into his mouth. Hide screams and wraps his thighs around Kaneki’s head, pulling him closer.

The ghoul hums in appreciation. The vibrations shoot up Hide’s dick and intensifies the heat in his gut. Kaneki swallows around Hide and uses his wicked tongue to elicit lustrous moans from him. The ghoul massages Hide’s butt and groans at how his mate feels in his palms. The half ghoul raises and drops his hips, grinding against the bed. Hide can’t look away from the performance. Kaneki must’ve noticed because the grinding shows off techniques that promises mind-blowing pleasure. The ghoul shows off different speeds and flexibility. Hide is getting more and more aroused at the way Kaneki’s spine curves and bends so effortlessly and how his hips swivel. It’s almost like how male birds perform to attract a mate.

Kaneki releases Hide’s cock with a ‘pop’ and wraps his hand around it once more. He continues to suckle on the tip as his strokes start at a fast pace. The sounds the actions make is too lewd for Hide to stand. He can feel Kaneki’s warm breath fanning over him. Hide’s balls begin to tighten up.

“Oh, baby. You’re so beautiful like this. All spread out for me so perfectly,” Kaneki’s hand becomes a blur from the speed it’s going.

“Kane-ah! Hah! Ah! So good!” Hide chokes on his own moans. He’s never had a handjob so intense before. His moaning sounds like incoherent chants. His thighs tremble and saliva pools in his mouth before spilling over. It dribbles down his chin.

“You’re such a good boy, Hide. Such a good boy,” Kaneki coos and kisses the skin just below Hide’s naval. “Begging for me like this. Can’t wait to fill you up, baby boy. God. Just want to bend you over a desk and take you. Want to bury my face in your ass and eat you out till you’re dizzy. I want to breed you so good, baby. Gonna drill into your prostate over and over again. I’m going to make you see white.” Kaneki’s eye has changed by now. “Can you hear this, baby boy? You’re so wet for me. Am I making you feel good? You’re so lewd.”

“Daddy...” Hide groans, and his voice gets higher in pitch. The signs that Hide is about to cum. “Daddy! Ah! Oh fuck! Fuck! Daddy!”

“That’s it, baby. Cum for me. Cum for daddy,” Kaneki pumps Hide faster and harder. Aiming Hide’s dick at his open mouth.

“Fuuuck,” Hide gasps and freezes up before his orgasm is ripped out of him.

Hide’s vision turns white, and he releases load after load into Kaneki’s mouth. Tears stream from Hide’s eyes, the pleasure too good. Kaneki swallows every drop Hide gives him.

“I love you,” Hide whispers once he comes down from his high. “I’m so sorry I left.”

“It’s okay, baby. I love you too,” Kaneki licks Hide clean then crawls up to lay beside him. He cradled his human close after pulling the covers up around them. “I don’t want to become the pot that calls the kettle black. I just want you to learn a lesson from all this. We can’t keep taking on burdens by ourselves. We can rely on each other. No more hiding things from the other. We’ll figure things out and face the world together.”

“Yes! Absolutely!” Hide is quick to agree.

“Good,” Kaneki captures Hide’s lips into a sweet kiss.

Hide’s sure it’ll take them a while to get back on course and have things settle down, but this is certainly a start.

No drugs. No Kyoki. Just Hide and Kaneki.

Them against the world.

 

 

* * *

 

 

_There once was a goblin who was travelling to the village of Stars. The trip takes a week if gone by foot from his home village. By his fifth day, the goblin collapses on the side of the road. He hadn’t eaten for three days. All of his food and money were stolen by thieves and was left with very little. Many people passed by him without any acknowledgement. He was a goblin after all. Nothing good comes from helping a goblin. Days passed, and the goblin had given up hope in reaching the village of Stars. That is until a strange human passed him. The goblin, expecting the human to continue walking, said nothing, but the human’s footsteps came to a halt. When the goblin looked at the man, he wasn’t expecting to see such a sympathetic yet determined look. It wasn’t until the human reached a hand out to the goblin that the creature let himself hope again. From then on, the goblin became obsessed with the human. He followed him everywhere. He always watched him. He even ate those who showed interest in the man. The goblin became so obsessed, in fact, that in a fit of greed, tried to kill the human. Little did the goblin know, the human is best friends to a dragon. And while the goblin watched the human, he failed to notice the dragon watching him. The mighty beast loved the human and was outraged to see how sad the goblin has made his best friend. When the goblin tries to kill the human that day, the dragon gobbles the monster up. No one in the village was surprised by this, however, because nothing good comes from angering a dragon._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this brings us to the end.
> 
> Thank you so much for following me on this journey. I've made many new friends and the support you've all given me has made me so incredibly happy. Again, thank you so much! I hope to join you on another adventure in the future!
> 
> Come talk to me on Tumblr: @BrandNewWings


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